Do you know what it's like to be considered a beast by your classmates? To be so big but also good at computers? A teenage Hank McCoy? At least one of hosts does and this episode hits hard. Your hosts Chad Quandt, Paul Ritchey, and Kevin Cole cover R.L. Stine's Goosebumps Horrorland book My Friends Call Me Monster. This is a weird story about monster closets and egg-based horror. Not recommended for vegans!

Book discussion and banter are as inseparable from each other as the briar and the rose.

Off-Topics Include: Elden Ring, Skyrim

This book tasks questions the reader: who is your mother and what do they do? Are they wrapped up in bandages? And are they being used as a fuel source for eternal life? Your hosts Paul Ritchey and Kevin Cole cover R.L. Stine's Goosebumps Horrorland book Who's Your Mummy? Protagonists Abby and Peter stay with their uncle who has a dark secret: a real tasty stockpile of mummies to eat up. Weird! And the adventure continues into the ongoing Horrorland saga. Is horror Byron an ally? Or is he tracking them with GPS chips? Enjoy the episode!

Book discussion starts at 12:15

OFF TOPICS: Kaiju No. 8, Smart Guys, TNT Amusements Inc.

Get in formation, Goosebuddies! Your hosts Chad Quandt, Paul Ritchey, and Kevin Cole watch another classic The Adventures of Pete & Pete episode, "Day of the Dot". As Big Pete's marching band competes in the Regional Championship, he struggles with affections for Ellen and a tyrannical teacher. Meanwhile Little Pete is trapped on an endless school bus as Bus Driver Stu wrestles with a broken heart. This is a sweet indie episode and we're inspired by the discussion. Enjoy!

Episode Discussion begins: 18:18

OFF-TOPICS: SpongeBob SuperBowl, Perfect High School, Doctorin', Wolf C.I.A., You Can Desaturate Your Phone Screen, Chad's Take On Sonic 2 (The Movie)

Your Goosebuds Chad Quandt, Paul Ritchey, and Kevin Cole read through the 1985 CYOA book The Badlands of Hark, written by R.L. Stine! This is written before Goosebumps, Fear Street, or Horrorland; what sort of sci-fi fantasy world does a younger Stine have in his soul? Turns out it's one with an endless maze. A lot of death in this hellworld of R.L.'s. Can Paul and Kevin survive and find The Nonspecific Treasure?

OFF TOPICS: Phone Cord Twirling, Beet Feudalism, Picard's robot body, Robot Hands, RoboCop, Chad's First Cousins Once Removed

Adventure begins: 14:15

Your Goosebuds hosts Chad Quandt, Paul Ritchey, and Kevin Cole review R.L. Stine's Goosebumps Horrorland book Dr. Maniac vs Robby Schwartz where aspiring cartoonist Robby discovers his comic creations come alive to eat squirrels and torture local kids. But also none of this matters as Robby resets the narrative multiple times (it was all a joke, reader!) and it causes an emotional cataclysm for your Goosebuddies . To be honest, this episode really broke us. But don't CTRL+ALT+DEL on us; we'll keep pounding through Young Adult books because tackling R.L.'s legacy is our great purpose in life.

OFF TOPICS: Rocky, Bioshock/Judas, Ben Franklin, Code Lyoko vs Reboot

Book discussion begins: 16:40

Complete mental breakdown begins: 1:23:59

Beware of grues, Goosebuddies! Your hosts Chad Quandt, Paul Ritchey, and Kevin Cole check out another Choose Your Own Adventure book based off one of the first adventure games ever: Zork! This 'What-Do-I-Do-Now" Book is Zork #1: The Forces of Krill by S. Eric Meretzky. Is Krill the Ganon of this world? Would we be shaking in our +1 Boots at the mention of his lizard men if we had played the original game? It seems Krill just likes hiding in holes in the ground, which isn't that much different than Tears of the Kingdom. We also discuss how delicious 'dino damage' used to look on toys. Enjoy the episode and stay alive!

Book adventure begins: 12:00

OFF TOPICS: Daylight Savings Time, Bugs, Jurassic Park Battle Damage Toys, J. Kenji López-Alt, Bugs Part II

There's a terrifying affliction of fear going around; so we're enforcing a Haunted Mask mandate! Your Goosebuds hosts Chad Quandt, Paul Ritchey, and Kevin Cole read R.L. Stine's Goosebumps Horrorland book The Scream of the Haunted Mask. It's been a year since the original story and Carly Beth is worried she'll put the mask back on and become evil. She could just get rid of it, maybe try to destroy it, but it stays locked in her basement. Until it doesn't. But also: Ghost horses haunt the local children's center/farm! It's very tragic. This book that's really about spectral steeds should've been called Goosebumps: Horse Death.

Book discussion begins: 17:30

OFF TOPICS: Millenial Internet Faux Pas, Willy's Chocolate Experience, X-Men Movies

This episode is part of a balanced bookfast-! Your hosts Chad Quandt, Paul Ritchey, and Kevin Cole read the third of R.L Stine's Goosebumps Horrorland series: Monster Blood for Breakfast. The iconic green growth slime is back for a fifth time. And somehow this is the least-scary story!Protagonist Matt Daniels deals with the terrifying idea of... being taller and stronger and winning the swim meet? We also get the next chapter of the Horrorland narrative and meet monster revolutionary Byron. We also discuss toy belts with I.P. powers and the mystery of missing Skeeter.

Book discussion begins: 12:50

OFF TOPICS: Chad's beef with the Disney Imagination Belt, Where's Skeeter??