Water Your Garden with ThiccSparkleButt: Leaving a Religious Doomsday Cult, Reclaiming Voice, and Naming Rape by Deception.

Hecate of Finding OK talks with poet and Twitch streamer, ThiccSparkleButt, about her healing journey. Thicc talks about growing up in a doomsday religious cult and how it damaged her family relationships, established poor boundaries, stifled her identity, and lay the groundwork for patterns of abuse in her life. She shares her journey through abusive relationships, coercion and deception, claiming identity and autonomy, and finding support. Therapy (including EMDR) and supportive Twitch spaces helped her reclaim her voice, streaming, and creativity; it helped her improve boundaries, grieve lost friendships, and speak publicly about rape by deception. Thicc encourages survivors to remember that healing isn’t linear, and to remember to “water your garden”.

TW/CW: Religious trauma, cults, suicide, abuse, PTSD, sexual assault, coercion and deception, substances, and strong language.

Episode Notes:

Thicc on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/thiccsparklebutt
Therapy for Black Girls: https://therapyforblackgirls.com/
Finding OK: https://www.finding-ok.com/
Hecate's Links: https://linktr.ee/FindingOK
Support the Podcast and become a Patreon member! https://www.patreon.com/CrossroadsCrowStudios
Finding OK is funded entirely by generosity of listeners like you! https://www.finding-ok.com/support/
Music is "Your Heart is a Muscle the Size of Your Fist" used with the personal permission of Ramshackle Glory. Go check out their music! https://open.spotify.com/artist/0qdbl...

Timestamps:

00:00 Traumatic Two Step Poem
02:12 Podcast Welcome and Guest Intro
04:40 Trigger Warnings and Support
05:51 Icebreaker Questions and Self Care
11:57 Growing Up in a Cult
17:16 Leaving and Family Fallout
23:47 Realizing It Was a Cult
28:50 Controlling Relationship in Atlanta
32:38 Podcast Friend Turns Abuser
45:32 Deception Is Not Consent
46:26 Aftermath and Reclaiming Voice
49:46 Therapy Journey and Healing
53:40 Twitch As Healing
55:22 Reclaiming Streaming
58:41 Leaving The Ex
01:00:39 Reclaiming Poetry
01:03:32 Naming The Assault
01:06:17 Speaking Out Online
01:10:59 Friends Need Boundaries
01:19:08 Forgiving Yourself
01:25:31 Race And Therapy
01:33:40 Grief And Being Undeniable
01:39:42 Inner Child Strength
01:42:53 Advice And Farewell
01:45:59 Credits And Support

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Join Hecate in this episode of 'Finding OK,' a healing podcast for survivors of SA and abuse, as they delve into the concept of "the male gaze", how it's internalized, its role in objectification, and its intersection with sexual healing post-trauma. Inspired by Margaret Atwood's poem from 'The Robber Bride', Hecate explores how societal beauty standards and the male gaze have influenced their self-perception, sexuality, and share reflections on their journey toward authentic pleasure and intimacy. This episode aims to provide strength and resonance for women, femmes, and AFAB individuals. Listen for powerful personal reflections on noticing and dismantling internalized patriarchal views. and a call for embracing radical self-love (it's a process).

Episode Notes:

The Male Gaze:

https://media-studies.com/male-gaze/

https://theconversation.com/half-a-century-of-the-male-gaze-why-laura-mulveys-pioneering-theory-still-resonates-today-256875

Miss Representation: https://therepproject.org/films/miss-representation/

It's a must watch!

Finding OK: https://www.finding-ok.com/

Hecate's Links: https://linktr.ee/FindingOK

Support the Podcast and become a Patreon member! https://www.patreon.com/c/CrossroadsCrowStudios

Finding OK is funded entirely by generosity of listeners like you!

https://www.finding-ok.com/support/

Music is "Your Heart is a Muscle the Size of Your Fist" used with the personal permission of Ramshackle Glory. Go check out their music! https://open.spotify.com/artist/0qdbl...

00:00 Introduction and Poem Reading

02:00 Podcast Introduction and Trigger Warnings

04:11 Understanding the Male Gaze

06:45 Personal Experiences with the Male Gaze

11:36 Internalized Male Gaze and Self-Objectification

13:53 Intersection with Sexuality and Body Image

23:08 Healing and Moving Forward

29:22 Closing Remarks and Acknowledgements

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In this episode Hecate discusses why menstruation can be triggering for survivors, especially for those who have been assaulted during their periods. Hecate provides statistics from medical studies indicating that a significant percentage of SA survivors were menstruating at the time of their assault. The combined social stigmas against speaking about SA and menstruation mean this is an experience that is not being talked about enough, leading to even greater feelings of isolation and shame.
The episode also addresses some of the challenges of managing periods post-trauma, and different menstrual products through a survivor’s lens. With personal anecdotes and research-backed insights, this episode aims to provide a voice to the often unspoken and overlooked intersection of menstruation and SA trauma. Hecate hopes this episode will help other survivors who have had this experience feel less alone.

Tw/Cw: SA (and some details of assaults), R*pe, PTSD, menstruation, substances, and strong language.

Links and References:

Cardenas, K., Wiersma, G., Dykema, J., Rossman, L., Fedewa, J., & Jones, J. S. (2011). 279 impact of the victim’s menstrual cycle phase on genital injuries following sexual assault. Annals of Emergency Medicine, 58(4). https://doi.org/10.1016/j.annemergmed.2011.06.309

Gollapudi, M., Thomas, A., Yogarajah, A., Ospina, D., Daher, J. C., Rahman, A., Santistevan, L., Patel, R. V., Abraham, J., Oommen, S. G., & Siddiqui, H. F. (2024). Understanding the interplay between premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) and female sexual dysfunction (FSD). Cureus, 16(6). https://doi.org/10.7759/cureus.62788

Noll, J. G., Trickett, P. K., Long, J. D., Negriff, S., Susman, E. J., Shalev, I., Li, J. C., & Putnam, F. W. (2017). Childhood sexual abuse and early timing of puberty. Journal of Adolescent Health, 60(1), 65–71. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jadohealth.2016.09.008

Vu, A., Moaddel, V., Emmerich, B., Rossman, L., Bach, J., Seamon, J., Barnes, M., Ouellette, L., & Jones, J. (2023). Association between the victim’s menstrual cycle phase and genital injuries following sexual assault. Clinical Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology, 6(2), 038–042. https://doi.org/10.29328/journal.cjog.1001127

*Thank you again to my sister Chie for their invaluable help with research and citations!*

Articles about the heavy metals found in tampons:
https://factor.niehs.nih.gov/2024/8/feature/3-feature-metals-in-tampons

https://publichealth.berkeley.edu/articles/spotlight/research/first-study-to-measure-toxic-metals-in-tampons-shows-arsenic-and-lead

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0160412024004355#:~:text=Across%20those%20studies%2C%20a%20range,et%20al.%2C%202022).

Lucky Iron Fish: https://luckyironlife.com/?srsltid=AfmBOorbSgfTM6sE3c6r-IRy3MNC0u-i8v-S4-s5lkZPo89aSCXJvEfj

Finding OK: https://www.finding-ok.com/

Hecate's Links: https://linktr.ee/FindingOK

Support the Podcast and become a Patreon member!
https://www.patreon.com/c/HecateFindingOK

Finding OK is funded entirely by generosity of listeners like you!
https://www.finding-ok.com/support/

Music is "Your Heart is a Muscle the Size of Your Fist" used with the personal permission of Ramshackle Glory. Go check out their music!
https://open.spotify.com/artist/0qdbl...

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction and Trigger Warnings
01:17 Menstruation and Trauma
07:47 Challenges with Sanitary Products
12:14 Personal Experiences of Assault During Menstruation
15:58 Statistics and Research on Assault During Menstruation
21:01 Triggers and Coping Mechanisms
32:08 Conclusion and Support
3

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