Ep #9: ADHD or bad parenting

As an ADHD parent, one of the most hurtful statements someone can say to you is, “Is it ADHD or bad parenting?” In that statement, whether, it’s a family member, a friend, or a stranger, they minimize the diagnosis of your child and the struggles of parents dealing with ADHD. It makes it feel like you can’t do anything right, and you’re all alone in parenting an ADHD child.

As someone who has ADHD, I find it mind-blowing when someone feels the need to tell me that ADHD doesn’t exist. ADHD is not a “made-up diagnosis.” ADHD is a real disorder that is recognized by the American Psychological Association and comes with real symptoms and behavior. ADHD behavior has been studied since the late 1800s.

To those who say we’ve gone overboard in the ADHD diagnosis, there is some truth in that. An ADHD diagnosis requires a child to exhibit specific behavior and to be diagnosed by a medical professional, but sometimes a parent or a teacher gives a child the “diagnosis” of ADHD. While well-meaning, it serves to bolster the opinion of those who don’t believe that ADHD is real or that it’s just bad parenting.

If you believe your child may have ADHD, it’s essential to make sure they get a diagnosis from a medical professional.

While ADHD behavior can be made worse by inconsistent parenting, bad parenting doesn’t cause your child to have ADHD. Having a child who acts up doesn’t make you a bad parent (though we know there are days when you feel like it does).

The reason many believe ADHD is due to bad parents is that the symptoms of ADHD make ADHD discipline more difficult. ADHD children don’t always behave in like other children.

The parenting skills we reference in these podcasts will help you handle your child’s behavior in a positive way. As you feel confident in your ability to manage your child’s behavior, you’ll be better prepared to handle the hurtful comment of “Is it ADHD or bad parenting?”

Parents dealing with ADHD don’t need the blame game. They need people to believe them. They need support. They need resources. Parenting an ADHD child requires you to become an advocate for your child and to help bring ADHD awareness to family and friends on what ADHD behavior and diagnosis mean.

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beginning episodes in this podcast

I am getting really frustrated with these initial podcasts. I don't want to hear two experts patting each other on the back about their jobs, I don't want to hear about what they are doing behind the scenes. I want to hear advice for my child. You are preaching to the choir, we are here to get actual advice. And, please , could you stop saying, "That's fantastic, wow!" it is said so often to the visiting therapists that it is starting to impact my desire to continue this series. This episode only had one of two minutes of actual advice. The rest is just two experts talking to each other about what they do. Please do this off the record, if isn't helpful. I'm sorry this is such an angry and frustrated post, but the podcast is so short that you are wasting my time and actually pushing me to the point that I'm going to change podcasts. I am here because I need help as a parent, specific tips on situational behavior. Please stop wasting the valuable time. I've listened to the newer podcasts and they are much more helpful. However, I wanted to start from the beginning so that I could get the initial groundwork that is needed for the skills that are addressed eventually, I hope.