Enjoying the Holidays During or After Divorce

In this episode of the Helping Families Be Happy Podcast, host Christopher Robbins speaks with Paul Mandelstein, author of "The World's Best Dad During and After Divorce," about navigating the holidays as a divorced or separated parent. Paul emphasizes reframing divorce as creating an "extended family" rather than a "broken home" and stresses that holidays should focus on the children's wellbeing, not parental conflict. He provides practical advice on managing holiday gatherings, creating new traditions, and developing a positive collaborative co-parenting approach. The conversation highlights the importance of putting aside ego and hurt to ensure children feel loved by both parents during what can be a challenging time of year.

Episode Highlights 00:00:10: Christopher Robbins introduces the podcast and welcomes guest Paul Mandelstein 00:00:11: Introduction to Paul stein's background as founder of Father Resource Network and his extensive publishing career. 00:01:09: Discussion of Paul's authored books including folk tales and "The World's Best Dad During and After Divorce." 00:01:57: Paul thanks Christopher for having him on the show 00:01:59: Christopher shares his friend's difficult divorce situation and asks for holiday advice. 00:02:34: Paul reframes divorce as creating an "extended family" rather than a "broken family." 00:04:06: Paul discusses choices parents have when invited to ex's house, emphasizing not disparaging the ex in front of kids. 00:05:19: Advice on being flexible with holiday schedules and planning ahead. 00:06:46: Suggestion to have separate holiday celebrations if parents can't get along peacefully. 00:07:40: Christopher asks about the positive collaborative co-parenting plan. 00:07:49: Paul explains men should take the lead in creating new family culture. 00:09:39: Christopher emphasizes advice applies to children of all ages. 00:09:48: Paul discusses how the relationship with an ex continues even after divorce. 00:10:42: Discussion of admitting fault and working on self-improvement. 00:11:02: Paul shares how listeners can contact him for consulting. 00:11:28: Christopher concludes with thanks to Famis and encouragement to subscribe.

Key Takeaways

• Reframe divorce as creating an "extended family" rather than viewing it as a "broken home."
• Keep holidays focused on the children's happiness and wellbeing, not parental conflicts or hurt feelings.
• Never disparage your ex-partner in front of the children, as they still love both parents.
• Be flexible with holiday schedules and plan well in advance to avoid conflicts.
• Create new traditions in your own home that work for your unique family situation.
• Take the lead in establishing a positive collaborative co-parenting relationship, even if your ex doesn't initially reciprocate.
• Put aside ego, blame, and the need to be "right" for the sake of your children.
• If you can't be civil together, consider having separate holiday celebrations rather than creating tension.
• Remember that you and your ex once loved each other, and that love created your children

The relationship with your ex continues after divorce, especially when children are involved.

Quotable Moments

• "We're not a broken family when we divorce. We're an extended family."
• "Happy holidays are not about you, they're about the kids. They're not about your ex, they're about the kids."
• "This is an opportunity for you to learn compassion and to basically grow up."
• "It's important to never disparage your ex in front of the kids because they still love their mom or their dad."
• "Just don't be a jerk. Don't look for a way to prove that you were right or you or they were wrong."
• "If you've never been nice before, some people haven't. Let's face it."
• "It's an opportunity. And my book lays out a path that if you follow that path, even if your ex is, is not agreeing with you and is still adversary over time, the kids and your ex perhaps will realize that you're not the bad guy anymore."
• "I'm asking men to take the lead and be the bigger hero. Be the hero. If anything divorces, the hero's security to go through it."
• "The most important thing is for the kids to feel like they're not in an adversarial relationship where they have to pick one parent over another."
• "You'll realize even divorce your relationship with your ex is not over, especially if the kids are teen, young kids, teenagers or even young adults."