Episode 149: Am I The Toxic One? Understanding Your Defensive Reactions

Have you ever looked back on your relationship and thought, “Was I the problem?” Maybe you manipulated conversations to avoid conflict, withheld things to protect yourself, or even lost your temper—and now you’re questioning if you were just as toxic as your ex.

First, let me tell you: You are not alone.

In this episode, we’re unpacking:
✔️ Why so many survivors of emotional abuse wonder if they were the toxic one
✔️ How defensive reactions (not “reactive abuse”) are a survival response, not abuse
✔️ The difference between defending yourself vs. being the abuser
✔️ Why guilt doesn’t mean you were toxic—it means you have self-awareness
✔️ How to stop blaming yourself and start healing

If you’ve ever felt ashamed of how you acted while in an abusive relationship or worried that you passed this dynamic onto your children, this episode will help you see why these reactions happened—and why they don’t define you.

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*Formerly (The Emotional Abuse Recovery Podcast)