#37 - I Changed My Tastebuds, But I’m Still Me (ish)

This week’s caller has lived with death in the background for most of her life—first through migraines that began when she was six, and later through a brain tumor that went undiagnosed for more than twenty years. By the time doctors caught it, she had spent a full year in a migraine that never let up. Surgery changed everything: her mood lifted, her pain eased, and even her tastebuds shifted. But the possibility of recurrence remains, shaping how she moves through the world.

What unfolds from there is part philosophy, part physics, part Wonderland. She talks about Alice in Wonderland Syndrome—the surreal way migraines can distort scale, shape, and the edges of the body—and how that lived strangeness pushed her toward math, spacetime, Flatland, and the comfort of unanswerable questions. Instead of trying to solve the mystery of death, she leans into the idea that some things can’t be known from this side of the line.

We also talk about community, belonging, and the unexpected places spirituality can live. Her weekly gathering is a pagan group that meets—of all places—in a church basement, lighting candles, crafting together, playing D&D, and caring for one another in a way that feels more meaningful than dogma ever has. When strong emotions can trigger pain, moderation becomes a survival skill, but it doesn’t stop her from pursuing what she loves or finding wonder in the smallest things.

The conversation circles around identity, too—how a person can wake up from brain surgery wondering if they’re still themselves, how preferences shift but the core stays intact, and how tiny we are in the universe without being insignificant. Her philosophy lands with a simple truth: sometimes the experience is worth the migraine. Even skydiving, if she can make it happen.

Book Recommendation: Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll

If you’d like to watch this conversation instead of just listening, you can find the video version on YouTube.

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About When We Die Talks: When We Die Talks is a podcast built around anonymous conversations about death, loss, and how contemplating mortality shapes the way we live. If you’re new here, start with the Episode Guide. It’s designed to help you find conversations that match where you’re at—curiosity, grief, hesitation, or openness.

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