#227: The Most Common Forms of Self-Sabotage After a Break-Up

Break-ups are painful — but often, the way we try to cope with that pain can quietly keep us stuck in it for much longer than necessary.

In this episode of On Attachment, I walk through five of the most common ways people unknowingly self-sabotage after a break-up, particularly those with anxious attachment patterns. These behaviours aren’t a sign that you’re doing healing “wrong.” They’re understandable coping strategies that make sense in the context of loss, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm — but they don’t always serve us in the long run.

Rather than shaming or pushing yourself to “move on faster,” this episode invites you to bring awareness to where your energy is going after a break-up, and how to gently redirect it in ways that actually support healing.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why obsessively replaying the relationship can keep you emotionally tethered
• The belief that you need closure from your ex in order to move on
• How romanticising the relationship in hindsight distorts reality
• Why comparing your healing to your ex’s is a losing game
• The cost of continuing to be each other’s emotional support person

At the heart of all of this is a simple but challenging truth: healing after a break-up requires turning towards your own pain, rather than trying to solve, analyse, or bypass it.

This episode is for you if you’re going through a break-up and feel stuck in rumination, comparison, or hope that’s keeping you anchored to the past — and you want a more grounded, self-compassionate way forward.

Resources

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