219. Overstimulated, Overwhelmed, and Over It: Emotion Regulation During the Holidays

The holidays are supposed to be joyful—but for many families, they quietly amplify stress, overwhelm, and emotional reactivity.In this special crossover episode with Parents of the Year podcast, Dr. Caroline and her husband Andrew step away from “perfect holiday” pressure and take a psychologically grounded look at why emotions run hotter during the holidays, for both kids and adults.We explore how disrupted routines, sensory overload, social comparison, family dynamics, and unrealistic expectations tax the nervous system—and why emotional meltdowns, irritability, withdrawal, or disappointment are not signs of failure, but signals of dysregulation.This episode bridges emotion regulation science with real-life parenting moments, including:· Why overstimulation is often behind kids’ holiday meltdowns· How social media comparison fuels anxiety and emotional exhaustion· The role of structure, predictability, and proactive planning in regulation· Why parents’ emotional regulation sets the ceiling for their children’s· How to identify non-negotiables, let go of the rest, and reduce emotional load· Practical strategies for creating “magical moments” without emotional burnoutRather than trying to make emotions disappear, this conversation focuses on helping families anticipate emotional needs, regulate proactively, and respond with intention instead of reactivity.Want to learn more about boosting resilience during the holidays? Check out these episodes:Holiday Stress? Here's How to Build Real Resilience (https://youtu.be/jXgq7dn-hR4)How can we nurture kids' emotional resilience during the holidays? (https://youtu.be/jXgq7dn-hR4)Homework IdeasDo a “Holiday Load” Scan (5 minutes)Goal: Reduce dysregulation by identifying what’s actually taxing the nervous system.Do: Write down the top 3 things that reliably spike stress for your child/teen (e.g., crowds, late nights, lots of visits, too many transitions) and the top 3 that spike stress for you.Use it: Pick one lever to change this week (sleep, pacing, fewer events, quieter mornings, etc.).Resource: A simple “HALT” check (Hungry, Angry/Anxious, Lonely, Tired) + add S for Sensory.Choose 2 Non-Negotiables + 2 FlexiblesGoal: Lower conflict and decision fatigue; clarify boundaries ahead of time.Do:Non-negotiables (examples): “We don’t do three houses in one day,” “We eat before we go,” “We leave by 7:30.”Flexibles: “Which movie?” “Which dessert?” “When we open gifts (within a window).”Share it with your child/teen (and any other adults involved) before the big day.Resource: Brief script:“Here’s what matters most to me so everyone’s nervous system is okay…”“Here’s what you can choose so it still feels fun for you…”Build a Regulation Plan: Before / During / AfterGoal: Move from reactive parenting to proactive emotion regulation.Do: Create a 3-part plan:Before: sleep, food, hydration, quiet time, predict the tough momentsDuring: micro-breaks, movement, sensory supports, time limitsAfter: decompression time, low-demand evening, early bedtime when possibleResource: “30/30 Rule” for high stimulation days: every ~30–60 minutes of stimulation, aim for a brief downshift (bathroom break, fresh air, water, quiet corner).Replacement Behaviours for Screen/Scroll TrapsGoal: Reduce comparison + mindless scrolling (a major holiday stress amplifier).Do: Choose a replacement behaviour you’ll do instead of scrolling when stressed:5-minute walkshort stretchtea + 3 slow breathstext one friend directly (real connection)Resource: Set a phone boundary: “No social media before noon” or “10 minutes max, with a timer.”Create a “Code Word” + Exit Plan (Kids and Teens)Goal: Give kids a dignified way to signal overwhelm without melting down.Do: Pick a code word (e.g., “yellow light,” “reset,” “quiet break”).Define what happens when they use it:you step out togetherthey go to a quiet spotheadphones/hoodie breakshort car break if neededResource: Collaborative language:“Your job is to notice overwhelm early. My job is to help you reset.”Practice “Containment” When Volume or Energy RisesGoal: Prevent spirals by regulating yourself first.Do: When you notice irritation rising:Pause (one breath)Name internally: “My nervous system is activated.”Do one downshift: step away, splash cold water, 10 slow exhales, or a short walk.Resource: A simple mantra: “I can be the calm, even when it’s loud.”Set Expectations Explicitly Goal: Reduce disappointment driven by vague, magical expectations.Do: Ask:“What are you most excited about—specifically?”“What would make the day feel like a win?”Then set realistic anchors:one meaningful momentone active thingone connection pointResource: “Lower the bar, deepen the moment.” (Connection > performance.)Plan for Sensory Needs Goal: Prevent overload (lights, ...