I remember my Dad uttering a saying that history tells us was already deeply entrenched in American culture in the late eighteen-hundreds. That saying was this: “Monkey see, monkey do.” While the saying pointed to the mimicry evident among monkeys as they would watch humans, the 1968 movie “Planet of the Apes” had the monkeys inverting the saying to “Human see, human do.” When it comes to parenting, the apes in the movie were spot-on. Our parental example will be imitated by our kids. A new study looked at parents and their eleven and twelve year old kids to see if parents who tell white lies, raise kids who are more prone to tell lies themselves. The study found, not surprisingly, that when parents tell white lies and the kids know what they are hearing is a lie, those kids are more prone to learn to lie themselves. Parents, teaching your kids God’s will and way requires truthfulness in all things. And we would do well to remember the ninth commandment, which forbids lying.

A friend recently told me about a conversation about smartphones that happened at her family dinner table. She and her husband had established a wise policy for their son and daughter: you cannot have a phone until you turn fifteen. Their son, age seventeen, had had his smartphone for two years. Their daughter, age fourteen, was very much looking forward to her upcoming fifteenth birthday so that she could enter the world of the smartphone. At one point during the meal, the daughter excitedly share her anticipation: “I can’t wait until I turn fifteen so that I can get my own smartphone!” Before anyone else had a chance to respond, her seventeen-year-old brother turned to her, held up his phone, and very seriously said, “Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Since I got this thing two years ago, I’m more anxious than ever.” Parents, I’m sure you’re wondering when to put a smartphone in the hands of your kids. Take into account the wisdom this teenager gained from his own negative experience.

In his wonderful little book for teenagers, “Do Not Be True To Yourself,” Kevin DeYoung quotes a bit of advice Pulitzer Prize winning writer Anna Quindlen once gave to a group of graduating seniors. Quindlen said, “Each of you is as different as your fingertips. Why should you march to any lockstep? Our love of lockstep is our greatest curse, the source of all that bedevils us. It is the source of homophobia, xenophobia, racism, sexism, terrorism, bigotry of every variety and hue because it tells us that there is one right way to do things, to look, to behave, to feel, when the only right way is to feel your heart hammering inside you and to listen to what its timpani is saying.” DeYoung follows up Quindlen’s bad advice with this corrective which each of our kids needs to hear and embrace: “Do not follow your dreams. Do not march to the beat of your own drummer. And whatever you do, do not be true to yourself.” The Gospel calls us follow the way and will of Jesus Christ.