You Don't Have to Say You Love Me

A Memoir

By: Sherman Alexie

Narrated by: Sherman Alexie

A searing, deeply moving memoir about family, love, loss, and forgiveness from the critically acclaimed, bestselling National Book Award-winning author of The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian.

Family relationships are never simple. But Sherman Alexie's bond with his mother Lillian was more complex than most. She plunged her family into chaos with a drinking habit, but shed her addiction when it was on the brink of costing her everything. She survived a violent past, but created an elaborate facade to hide the truth. She selflessly cared for strangers, but was often incapable of showering her children with the affection that they so desperately craved. She wanted a better life for her son, but it was only by leaving her behind that he could hope to achieve it. It's these contradictions that made Lillian Alexie a beautiful, mercurial, abusive, intelligent, complicated, and very human woman.

When she passed away, the incongruities that defined his mother shook Sherman and his remembrance of her. Grappling with the haunting ghosts of the past in the wake of loss, he responded the only way he knew how: he wrote. The result is a stunning memoir filled with raw, angry, funny, profane, tender memories of a childhood few can imagine, much less survive. An unflinching and unforgettable remembrance, You Don't Have to Say You Love Me is a powerful, deeply felt account of a complicated relationship.

Critic reviews

Praise for YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY YOU LOVE ME:

An Amazon editors' Top 20 books of the yearA Washington Post Best Book of the yearAn LA Times Best Book of of the yearAn NPR Best Book of the Year
Also named a Best Book Of the Year by Library Journal, The Milwaukee Sentinel Journal, Bookpage and The Millions

"With brazen honesty and humor throughout, Alexie writes about the many facets of his mother and her addiction's effect on his family and childhood."
—Jarry Lee, BuzzFeed, "22 Exciting New Books You Need to Read This Summer"

"Blends poetry and prose, and varies widely in tone as he explores old memories and new grief."—Entertainment Weekly, Summer's 20 Must Read Books

"He specifically focuses on his late mother, showing the many sides of her multifaceted character through dozens of poignant poems and essays. Their relationship is as complicated as Alexie's stories are enthralling."—Stephanie Topacio Long, Bustle, 14 Best Nonfiction Books Coming Out in June 2017

"Sherman Alexie makes poetry out of the darkest parts of his (and his mother's) life... It's all a mighty attempt to understand who his mother was, who she is to him, and how to make peace with her."—Jaime Green, Google Play, Summer Reading

"There's straight personal history here, as well as fable, poetry, and raw and mordant accounts of life....Unexpected revelations are a constant throughout this memoir"—Maureen Corrigan, NPR's "Fresh Air", 6 Books That Will Carry You Away

"Resonant and occasionally gut-wrenching."
—Entertainment Weekly

"Evident throughout are humor and rage, respect and loving irreverence."
—Oprah Magazine

"The overwhelming takeaway from Mr. Alexie's memoir is triumph, that of one writer's ability to overcome hardscrabble roots, medical bad luck and generations of systemic racism--all through an uncommon command of language and metaphor."
—James Yeh, New York Times

"If candor is Alexie's superpower, accuracy might be his nemesis.... Throughout, Alexie is courageous and unflinching, delivering a worthy and honest eulogy by showing us his mother and himself in full, everything spectacular and everything scarred."—Michael Kleber-Diggs, The Minneapolis Star Tribune

"You Don't Have to Say You Love Me is a marvel of emotional transparency."
—Beth Kephart, The Chicago Tribune

"These pages are scored by resentment, hurt, guilt, anger, fear, but they are also full of gratitude, admiration, and tenderness."
—Priscilla Gilman, The Boston Globe

Riveting

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

Absolutely! It made me revisit my own difficulties with my hyper-religious mother with whom I never had a close relationship while she lived.

Who was your favorite character and why?

Lillian was certainly a favorite character because living on the Navajo reservation for 8 months one year I saw how phenomenal the women were and how they held up their families and culture.

Have you listened to any of Sherman Alexie’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

No, his inflection when he spoke "Indian" was wonderful to hear.

If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?

Lillian, a real Super Woman.

Any additional comments?

Mr. Alexie, Thank you for this book. It's stirred up a host of issues for me. It was difficult to hear because of my own guilt about how I often showed my own mother such little respect for her choices. I'm slowly understanding why she did what she did now that she's long gone.

This book is a teacher

I loved it. Sherman Alexie wears his heart on his sleeve, reading this book. His generosity and vulnerability are mind blowing. I will miss this book.

A Wake Up Call For a Privileged White Man

This memoir was life-changing. The stories are insightful, and the poetry is amazing. This is a MUST listen.

Beautiful performance - powerful story

I think about this book pretty frequently despite having finished it months ago. Very powerful.

Great book and storytelling

I loved that Sherman read his book. I loved the honesty. Reliving past pain is so hard. Sometimes I felt as if certain subjects were repeated too often but it might be my own aversion to the subject repeated.

If you are native,this will bring you back home!!!

Sherman Alexie did a outstanding job with the writing of this book!! EVERY native will relate at sometime in their lives about what he has wrote in this book! A must!!!

Thanks, Sherman!!

Would you listen to You Don't Have to Say You Love Me again? Why?

I loved this book. I listened to it on my way to the Solar Eclipse, stopping on the way to see my childhood home. We were lower middle class residents of our town and it was amazing to see our run down home while listening to Sherman Alexie talk about his childhood. He helped me manage all that and then took me into Oregon to see the eclipse. After the eclipse I had a bumper to bumper nine hour drive to get to SeaTac which is normally a three hour drive. Sherman's reading of his memoir kept me alive and awake as I traveled that whole way. I realize it's a first world problem to complain about such a trip, and this may not be specifically a review of the contents, but his reading style was so riveting and that story so compelling that he and it will forever be linked in my mind with the eclipse. I'm sure there's a metaphor in there he could create a story around. I will be forever grateful for that.

Who was your favorite character and why?

I think the town of Reardan is a collective character of towns all over the country right now, My town of 5000 has the same feel to it and it was comforting somehow to feel connected to another outsider of a small town.

Good read

loved it! he kept calling his mother a liar I think he needs to hurry up with the next book.. lol

You don't have to say you love me

Loved it! Thanks Jr! Thankfully, it didn't remind me of my family! :) Looking forward to your contracted book! ;)

Beware! The last "chapter" is credits

I was so caught up in Mr Alexie's story and emotions at the end of chapter 160 - a swelling up of what had been said and felt already. And as the audio moved on to chapter 161... I was brought down hard and coldly by the same voice starting acknowledgements and thanks - the credits!

There was no break! There was no pause! There was no warning!

Be prepared! Stop the audio yourself at the end of chapter 161 and take a moment.