Why My Life Looks Better Without Pants

Literally!

De: Jazmyn Waller

Narrado por: Virtual Voice

Hi, my name is Jazmyn Renee Waller, and I no longer believe in pants. I have rejected them. I have renounced them. If pants were a cult, I have defected. If pants were a boyfriend, I blocked them and took back my Netflix login. If pants were a religion, I turned in my church fan and left during offering. I am free now. I am liberated. I am aerated. And I am finally living my truth.

Now I know what you might be thinking already. You’re probably sitting there, fully leg-prisoned, whispering to yourself like you some kind of closet revolutionary, saying, Jazmyn girl, surely you don’t mean literally no pants. You probably just mean metaphorically or emotionally pantsless, right? Cute. Precious even. No. I mean literally. LITERALLY. Truly. For real. I am out here bare-legged and thriving. I have joined the light.

Let me explain how we got here before your brain starts making up lies and calling them logic.

For years, I tried to live a normal pants-wearing life, you know, like society teaches us. I bought jeans. I bought leggings. I bought those linen trousers that influencers call breezy but feel like wearing a moist paper towel. And every time I pulled those leg cages up to my waist, my spirit died a little. My thighs cried out like gospel singers doing a testimony: Lord why have you forsaken us. My knees felt betrayed. My hips started filing HR complaints. And my butt cheeks, bless them, were so suffocated they started singing old Negro spirituals.

Deep inside, I knew something was wrong. Something unnatural. Something that should not be.