Why Have Kids?

A New Mom Explores the Truth About Parenting and Happiness

By: Jessica Valenti

Narrated by: Emily Beresford

Length: 5 hrs and 16 mins

Publisher's summary

In Why Have Kids?, Valenti explores these controversial questions through on-the-ground reporting, startling new research, and her own unique experiences as a mom. She moves beyond the black and white “mommy wars” over natural parenting, discipline, and work-life balance to explore a more nuanced reality: one filled with ambivalence, joy, guilt, and exhaustion.

Would-be parents must navigate the decision to have children amidst a daunting combination of cultural expectations and hard facts. And new parents find themselves struggling to reconcile their elation with the often exhausting, confusing, and expensive business of child care. When researchers for a 2010 Pew study asked parents why they decided to have their first child, nearly 90 percent answered, for “the joy of having children”. Yet nearly every study in the last 10 years shows a marked decline in the life satisfaction of those with kids. Valenti explores this disconnect between parents’ hopes and the day-to-day reality of raising children - revealing all the ways mothers and fathers are quietly struggling. A must-listen for parents as well as those considering starting a family, Why Have Kids? is an explosive addition to the conversation about modern parenthood.

©2012 Jessica Valenti (P)2012 Brilliance Audio, Inc.

It is a good start

It covers very important points on the difficulties of becoming a mother, very eye opening, a good start for anyone looking into the motherhood journey or the childfree life. Even though the information is relevant in my case I was expecting for the author to clearly answered the question it titles. Why to have kids? I don't think she did.

This book convinced me to get a vasectomy ASAP

What made the experience of listening to Why Have Kids? the most enjoyable?

I had been thinking about getting a vasectomy, but put it off because I wasn't dating. I recently began dating a 42 year old woman I really like but in order for us to continue seeing other, I must let her know whether I share her dream of being a parent to biological child(ren). This book confirmed my concerns that I will be less happy as a parent.

What about Emily Beresford’s performance did you like?

I like that she occasionally used profanity because I could relate to the author's frustrations.

One-sided

Although I do think she makes tons of valid points about the difficulties with having children, she completely skips the benefits and joys. As a mother of three with a wonderful career and marriage, I do think having my children is one of the best choices I’ve ever made and would make again. Most of her complaints are super cirmcumstantial and transient (ex: sleepless nights...only when they are babies!). I enjoyed listening to the issues she brought up and agree that children present challenges, but when I look at my husband and three children, I couldn’t be prouder of how much we have all accomplished as a team- the sacrifice, the love, the acceptance of each other and knowing that in this world we will always have each other. Those things are priceless.

Amazing! Informative - highly recommend

I loved this book! Very well documented and researched. Provides actionable ideas for individuals and governments to support people and families, and really presents an honest view of difficulties of parenting in the US. Normalizes that many people just don’t want to have kids and that’s totally ok, and that research shows childfree people are just as,
and often more so, happy and satisfied than parents.

An Important Book

This is an important read for anyone -- male or female (but especially female) -- considering having children. Valenti doesn't necessarily try to talk people out of having kids, but she presents some statistics that differ greatly from the widespread societal myth that parenthood completes us. She also presents some real solutions for different approaches to parenthood than the current norm that could result in greater happiness and fulfillment for everyone involved.

A well researched book for parents and non parents

The title of this book could lead one to believe that the author was implying having children is a bad thing, but that is not the aim of the book or the author. Jessica Valenti, a new mom and writer, looks at the societal views of why we have kids, what society says a parent should look like, the rights and roles of parents and non parents. It is a captivating book. I am a reader who tends to not stray from fiction frequently but this book was on the list that should be better known and I decided to give it a try. As a result, my opinion is I wholeheartedly agree.

Jessica Valenti states at the beginning of her book that her research and the ideas brought up in the book are controversial and she expects people to have strong reactions to it. She in fact believes they should, not so that they have to agree with her, but that they think about the material and form their own opinions. This sat well with me. Parenting, to have kids, to not have kids, to be a stay at home parent, to be a working parent, how to financially support a child, US business leave policies, and government contraception law all are stratifying choices that can elicit defensive stances. This book breaks down why there is so much defensiveness for any decision and how raising children in todays culture has changed so much. We no longer have children as a labor source for the farm, and we don't view them as mini adults as we once did. Children now are seen as a source of love and completion of self for parents. The book discusses this search for fulfillment, but also how once we view parenting as a job instead of a relationship it is then seen as something that we either pass or fail at. I have only mentioned a few topics discussed.

What I enjoyed so much about this book is that is was well researched and did not include a lot of conjecture. She does relate some of her own stories and personal accounts but I did not find it to be agenda driven except for maybe pushing parents/moms to not be so judgmental of one another. For a topic I thought I had a decent handle on she challenged some of my beliefs and the reasons behind why I thought the way I did.

Emily Beresford narrated it well. At no time did I find myself irritated with her voice, she did not overdramatize the material, and she kept me engaged to the point I was finding excuses to do activities I could continue listening to the book.

An important book.

I vehemently agree with the author on so many things. I may not be easy read for people who believe children are your most important accomplishment but I'm not one of them even though I'm not child-free.

Useful for Parents, Parents-To-Be, & Non-Parents

What did you love best about Why Have Kids??

As a woman who will one day have kids, I'm very appreciative of this book. I truly enjoy my job and spent years trying to find something substantial that I'd actually want to get an education in. So, I'd hate to think that I have to put my doctorate aside because my future toddler is having a hard time with potty training.

Undoubtedly, my future child will mean the world to me simply because they will be my child, but I now feel and will feel great joy from the career I also have dedicated myself to. Though it's an entirely different types of joy, there's no reason why we can't experience both.

Did Emily Beresford do a good job differentiating all the characters? How?

The narrator did just fine, but she sounded more like she was giving a lecture, and I couldn't help but think that there were parts where Ms. Valenti was attempting to sound sarcastic or even playful which didn't translate with Ms. Beresford's more straightforward tone. Even still, her performance was pleasant and relaxing for a long commute home.

Best book on parenthood I've read

Intelligent and surprisingly funny, Valenti clearly articulates many of the "something's not right here" gut feelings I've had when reading other books on parenting. Highly recommended.

Misleading title reader be aware !

The book is just a collection of facts , most of which everyone knows about how as a parent one will be miserable, especially women. It does not talk *at all* about why have kids despite this!!!! The author did definitely misled the readers/listeners by the title. I feel 8 hours of my life was just wasted to get more anxious!! The only reason I gave it two stars instead of one is the performance of the person narrating the book.