When Men Behave Badly

The Hidden Roots of Sexual Deception, Harassment, and Assault

By: David M. Buss

Narrated by: Tom Parks

Length: 10 hrs and 47 mins

Publisher's Summary

“An exceptional book” (Helen Fisher) by a leading evolutionary psychologist and sex researcher that lays out a new theory of sexual conflict, exposing the roots of the dangerous dynamics that underpin men’s predatory behavior - and what can be done to address it.

Sexual conflict permeates ancient religions, from injunctions about thy neighbor's wife to the permissible rape of infidels. It is etched in written laws that dictate who can and cannot have sex with whom. Its manifestations shape our sexual morality, evoking approving accolades or contemptuous condemnation. It produces sexual double standards that flourish even in the most sexually egalitarian cultures on earth. And although every person alive struggles with sexual conflict, most of us see only the tip of the iceberg: dating deception, a politician's unsavory sexual grab, the slow crumbling of a once-happy marriage, a romantic breakup that turns nasty.

When Men Behave Badly shows that this "battle of the sexes" is deeper and far more pervasive than anyone has recognized, revealing the hidden roots of sexual conflict - roots that originated over deep evolutionary time - which define the sexual psychology we currently carry around in our 3.5-pound brains. Providing novel insights into our minds and behaviors, When Men Behave Badly presents a unifying new theory of sexual conflict, and offers practical advice for men and women seeking to avoid it.

©2021 by David M. Buss. (P)2021 Brilliance Publishing, Inc., all rights reserved.

Nothing new is this book.

The book offers a hardcore evolutionary perspective on human mating strategies.There is hardly anything new in this that the author didn'tstate in his earlier, and much better book, "the evolution of desire". Of course humans are not animals, and the author acknowledged this.The problem is that he is oftentimes is stating the obvious. It also very repetitive. The narration is as much robotic as the content. Not recommended.

Interesting ideas, but argumentation incomplete

The posited framework relies on scientific research and logical argumentation, which is fantastic. I love authors who supply sources and multiple validations to their claims. The result, I feel, was a self-consistent explanation of phenomena stemming from human sexual conflict. However, many arguments were not taken to their logical finish and remained unexplained. For instance, "why do women find dark triad men attractive" was given the equivalent answer of "because they fake or have qualities which women usually find attractive, such as confidence, status and wealth". That does not address the critical detail that being impregnated and abandoned by such a man is about the worst outcome a woman can get in the consensual part of the mating market, and so one would assume women would become excellent detectors of dark triad men. It makes no sense to find a man who will use you attractive. The cherry on the cake is the "sexy son hypothesis", which argues by a circle "women find them attractive because their sons, who are similar to them, would be attractive". Such holes in argumentation are found throughout the book. Personally I was disappointed by the (acknowledged) lack of discussion and explanation of sexual violence perpetrated by women, which could certainly be illuminated within the same framework. In short, a great book full of cool ideas, but that could use thorough questioning and gap filling.

Evolutionary psychology for feminists. Sequel?

David Buss is a pioneer in Evo psyc. Here he gives an evo-psyc explanation of the minimal to vial behaviors of men and does a decent job putting things into perspective. I wonder if he would be willing to write the companion; "Women Behaving Badly", or "Men Behaving Excellent"?

Not worth a credit

I loved Evolution of Desire by Buss which was much more comprehensive attempt to describe human mating from evolutionary perspective. This book brings little new information. The last chapter is especially terrible, merging evolutionary approach with feminist utopianism where author ponders if men can override their natural inclination for sexual objectification of women(?!). The overarching point is I guess it would be beneficial to some women and some men(presumably to the author) to eliminate intersexual conflict completely. I wish the author goodluck with his totally realistic plan.

Must read book

Every now and then, I read a book, and all I can think is, “How is this not required reading?” That’s exactly what I thought as I finished this new book from David Buss. It took me way too long to read the work of David Buss, but I kept seeing people talk about his books, so right before this new book, I read The Evolution of Desire. While the first few chapters of this new book had some of the same topics from The Evolution of Desire, it was just setting the foundation for upcoming subjects Buss was going to dive into. I love evolutionary psychology, and this book discusses the reasons behind intimate partner violence, stalking and revenge after a breakup, sexual harassment, sexual assault, and so much more.

As a father and someone who is friends with many women, I can’t stress enough how important this book is. When my son is older, I’m absolutely going to have him read this book, and I think this book may help women as well, but I’m not sure. I’m going to go find some reviews from women and see if this has any therapeutic value since so many women have been victims of what’s discussed in this book. If nothing else, the book provides education and awareness so we can all do our part to change patriarchal norms to hopefully decrease instances of violence against women.

EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW THIS INFO

I talk about this book a lot in my coaching business. I know a lot of men don't think they need to read this because they're a "nice guy" but you need to understand what women go through on a regular basis. Being a good person means having empathy for others. This book will teach you, both men and women, so much about unhealthy relationships.

Monotone narrator

Horrible choice of reader. I have no idea what the book is about because I couldn’t get through the first chapter. I heard the author on a podcast and it seems like a great book. Amazon won’t allow me to return this auto book. Definitely a candidate for return and read the book.

Lazy. NO.

This started out well enough but about halfway through you may realize that the same thing is being said over and over but in a different form and in a different order. Not just that, but also the contradictory concept that paints high achievement oriented men as these creatures that need to change despite the fact that the only incentive for any man of this type to even exist revolves around keeping or attaining the affection of women. It just shows how one sided and or pandering this book is. Even if I was a woman who hated men, this book comes off as pandering and would insult my intelligence. It’s just like when certain people try to paint black people as these weak creatures that need help. As a black man I find it insulting. And for that reason I doubt that I would like this book if I were a woman too.
I tried to keep an open mind but as a high achieving man it’s too much to sit there and listen to accounts from people who seem to be victims but those same victims will fight to be with the high achieving men they claim to be victims of and laugh at regular achievers.

Even in an ideal world, how would it be fair for men be shunned and ignored when we have no money or status, only to beat the increasingly unfair odds of success and by some miracle actually achieve these things and then be shamed for it after the fact.

I made it to the end but this book and the analysis of the way that the data was interpreted was biased. Only towards women who don’t see themselves as a strong though. I can’t, for the life of me, understand how a rational person can act like high achieving men would choose to be the way that the world forces us to be. If we didn’t have to just to have a fighting chance at a decent life. Failure molds strong men. Is there bad that comes with that? Absolutely, but why shouldn’t there be? You get shitted on my by the world for not being shit, say okay I understand the rules of the game, then go out and become something and now it’s wrong to shit on those same people a little bit?

On the front end, men are nothing. But we have the ability to pick ourselves up by the balls and fight to the top.

The most ironic and frankly, idiotic thing about this thought process is that it doesn’t even require an ideal world to exact the changes this silly book deems that the world needs. The exact moment women stop caring about high achievers is the exact moment high achievers cease to exist.

Oh I can have a bunch of women like me for being fat and lazy? I’ll never work again.

All that said, I really don’t care overall but the book just pissed me off with its lazy approach to nuanced problems and painting women like these innocent little flowers that aren’t just as harmful as men to themselves.

…I take that back, they aren’t nuanced problems…

They’re not “problems” at all, they’re the collateral damage for walking in an entitled mentality. And shitting on people for being regular. Some of us learn the rules and you get hate the game when you’re not winning anymore. If you want the best, you’ll get the best but the best comes with the worst and if you don’t want the worst then consider less. Period.

Ps not saying, the extreme things that women can be victims of are deserved.

I am saying that, to suggest that the bad players are somehow representative of men in general is a lazy and disrespectful idea to present. I would be less harsh if this book were the beginning of the research and conclusions were being worked on but the idea that this is from the same author as the evolution of desire is downright unfortunate.

I’ll give an example, the portion asking men if they would assault women if they could never get caught is an inherently disingenuous question. That’s like asking if you were in hell and were a demon, would you act like a demon? And the person said “maybe yes?” And then concluding that it’s possible that men may be demons secretly.

Or if you don’t like that example. They talk about the women who have rape fantasies. They posit the question. Do they secretly want to get raped? Fair question then they slide right by that question without considering that those might be messed up individuals. The book doesn’t even consider the possibility that women like that could just be a little bit messed up in the head, it just goes and makes up these ridiculously convoluted reasons that they may enjoy the fantasies because men are all secretly rapists and that it is their subconscious trying to prepare them for rape or something along those convoluted lines. So you mean to tell me that women, by themselves, in their own minds, fantasize about actually being raped and enjoying it? Because of men and the history of rape through history? If that were true how come women don’t have extra fake sex organs like ducks to prevent rape?

I sometimes fantasize about being at the bank and a robber comes in and I disarm them and the mayor puts me on the news for being a hero. I do not, fantasize about being robbed to prepare myself for a possible future where I could be robbed and enjoy it.

I could buy it if we were just talking about the idea that they have nightmares of rape, but NO they are referring to actual fantasies… 🤨 Just NO.

That’s the official review summarized. NO.

Wanted to like it but…

I’m a big fan of David Buss and went into this book at first enjoying it and then being disappointed. I think it is less of an informative read but more of an attempt for him to appeal to his feminist critics.

A good book

An Excellent research and well written book with great effort with the only one big problem is the heavy Feminism Ideology that intesrted in the book theories and explanations, it's seems that the Western intellectuals and educational institutions has been controlled and dominated by left Ideologies especially Feminism, what the hell is this, I'm very upset,but otherwise it's a good book.

Written in Fear

I’ve listened to/read a few of the author’s titles. A lot of the information in the book reflects his status in the field. At times the book gets particularly dark, so I took some time away from it to lighten my perspective on life.
Returning to the book, I do feel that there are lessons everyone could benefit from. However, the author spends increasing amounts of time trying to appease the imagined critic. This gets tedious fast.
The author also makes some oversights in adopting this stance, such as when stating that men can’t understand what sexual assault is like for women. I don’t know if men can, I also don’t know if studies have been attempted, comparing the reports of male victims of sexual assault. It’s possible it is different, because of the risk of pregnancy, for example. Alternative gender identities would need to be considered in a thorough assessment too.
My point is - stick to the science. I would have thought this would be especially important to an Evo Psych, considering the common attacks of the discipline.
Also, I think the proposed solutions reach a limit when neuroscience isn’t considered in more depth. The role of hormones and neurotransmitters, etc. In the salience of mate choice. Proposing that people should change mate preferences, as if they are changing a brand of cereal, just didn’t seem plausible.
This book was written in fear of reprisals.

Worth it

Good information. Chapter on rape is too long. This book explains why there's sexual conflict between men and women. Women want sex with the best men out there.

When Women Have Autonomy

Buss does a fabulous job navigating the treacherous waters of sexual misconduct. He actively keeps the reader (listener) aware of the ambiguity of research in this field and successfully brings it back to a priori statements of evolution / adaptation. His actionable insights into mismatches between women's and men's mating objectives luminates a path towards a world in which women are less exploited and assaulted.

Thought provoking

Very interesting book. Thought provoking and definitely worth reading. Easy to listen too. Good examples of how men and women see things very differently

A much-needed book

This is a much-needed book about male sexual behaviour.

The first half of the book treats the historical relationship between heterosexual men and women and the sexual gaps between both genders. It is an outstanding piece in the field anthropology.

The second half is much more suited to the field of criminology. The author delves into the darker side of the male brain and presents the latest available research on male sexual violence, and the best suitable solutions (spoiler alert: prevention and education).

All in all, a stupendous read although please be advised: it gets rougher and cruder in the latter chapters.

Easy listen

This really made me change me perception on certain sexual differences between men and women. I found it a really easy and quite engaging listen

Very interesting. Worth a read.

Full of insights. Learnt a lot. For me it felt like there was just something missing though? I’m terms of how easy it was to follow or something. Not sure what. Still recommend, but that’s just why it’s 4 stars from me.