We Are Not Ourselves

A Novel

By: Matthew Thomas

Narrated by: Mare Winningham

The instant New York Times bestseller The Washington Post calls a “stunning…superbly rendered” novel, and Entertainment Weekly describes as “a gripping family saga, maybe the best…since The Corrections.”

As an Irish immigrant in Queens in 1941, Eileen has dreamed of more in her life—but when she and her family seem to be moving closer to that dream, devastation hits and they must learn how to not only hold on to their reality, but to each other.

Born in 1941, Eileen Tumulty is raised by her Irish immigrant parents in Woodside, Queens, in an apartment where the mood swings between heartbreak and hilarity, depending on how much alcohol has been consumed. From an early age, Eileen wished that she lived somewhere else. She sets her sights on upper class Bronxville, New York, and an American Dream is born.

Driven by this longing, Eileen places her stock and love in Ed Leary, a handsome young scientist, and with him begins a family. Over the years Eileen encourages her husband to want more: a better job, better friends, a better house. It slowly becomes clear that his growing reluctance is part of a deeper, more incomprehensive psychological shift. An inescapable darkness enters their lives, and Eileen and Ed and their son Connell try desperately to hold together a semblance of the reality they have known, and to preserve, against long odds, an idea they have cherished of the future.

Described by The New York Times Book Review as “A long, gorgeous epic, full of love and caring…one of the best novels you’ll read this year,” We Are Not Ourselves is a testament to our greatest desires and our greatest frailties. Through the lives of these characters, Thomas charts the story of the American Century. The result is, “stunning…The joys of this book are the joys of any classic work of literature—for that is what this is destined to become—superbly rendered small moments that capture both an individual life and the universality of that person’s experience” (The Washington Post).

Profound Narrative of FantisizingTragedy, Regret

In this narrative story, there is no great mystery to resolve, no thrilling moments of climax. If these are things you need in a story, don't select this one. However, if you enjoy life stories and how the characters in these stories chart the direction of their lives, this is one you won't want to miss. Matthew Thomas has written a really good novel.

This is a narrative (well performed by Mare Winningham) about a girl who works hard, has many life challenges and fantasizes about her future. As a woman, she cannot seem to stop the fantasizing about what might be in order to enjoy her present life. She is perpetually seeking perfection, or more, or different than she has in the moment; from her husband, son, neighbors, employers, friends. Eileen Leary cannot just live for the moment, enjoy the moment, and relish what is present instead of wishing for what might be. In the end, she has regrets. Many, many regrets. In the end, these things shape the future life of her son.

Thomas' writing exposes us to how this obsession with "what might be" can shape lives and outlooks on life. Perhaps it is a life lesson neatly presented to us as "We Are Not Ourselves."

i never wanted it to end

If you could sum up We Are Not Ourselves in three words, what would they be?

very thought provoking

Who was your favorite character and why?

Eileen. Her strength in all situations, having to grow up so quickly, her work ethic, her perseverance.

Have you listened to any of Mare Winningham’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

Not that I can rememember.

Who was the most memorable character of We Are Not Ourselves and why?

Ed...his descent into losing his memory.

Any additional comments?

I have listened and read so very many books in this last year and I cant remember one that has stayed with me as long as this one has.

(Spoiler alert)The topic of Alzheimers is interesting to me as I am aging, and those around me are dealing with it within their families. But, it wasn't just that. It was the family dynamic between the main character Eileen, her husband Ed, and her son Collen(spelling?).

This book is so well written. As you enter the world of each character through the author's telling, and then hear about it, in the same way through another characters interpretation of the same- you realize, or at least remember, how different everyone's experience is in a family.

We are Not Ourselves follows the life of a woman and man, through their ups and downs, and their disappointments with each other. They have a boy, and they extend those circumstances as we all do in the raising of this child.

Before the characters in the story do, we begin to realize that something is wrong with Ed, and, well...that it is his mind--this most cherished part of his intellectual life.

What follows is such in incredible narrative of his descent, and the effect it has on all who surround him.

Fantastic

I wish the author would write another book. I hope he’s well. This is a masterpiece.

Plot good, dragged on....

Good story, would have been better if it was half the length. very hard to keep interest with so little plot.

Somber, Poignant Novel on Timely Topic

An elegiac novel to a committed wife/mother whose husband suffers early onset Alzheimer's. I could relate to her pain and loneliness as all the past and passion slowly slipped away and found particularly poignant her coping with the loss of her dreams of a dashing, successful professor husband with a beautiful home in the perfect suburb.

A pure work of artistry in development of the characters of the wife, the husband and their son. My one complaint: it is a bit slow.

Exceptional

Loved the story as well as the narration. I will listen to this one again.

Dreary Main Character/Hard to Care

Would you try another book from Matthew Thomas and/or Mare Winningham?

No, Matthew Thomas bored me throughout most of the book. He forgets about secondary characters for long stretches, then they reappear. Events unfold and then drift away, never having a resolution. Relationships aren't mentioned and then suddenly they're supposed to be important to the main character. The main character, Eileen, is snobbish and unpleasant most of the time. Mare Winningham's dreary reading of the book matches Eileen's personality band that doesn't make it any easier to take.

What was most disappointing about Matthew Thomas’s story?

Worst of all, for endless chapters of the book, Eileen, who is a nurse, remains clueless about the fact that her husband has a major issue that she should have picking up on. I could have diagnosed the illness months or years faster than she does, if it were my husband.

Who would you have cast as narrator instead of Mare Winningham?

Anyone besides the super annoying Brene Brown.

If this book were a movie would you go see it?

No

Any additional comments?

This book needed a better editor. There's nothing "epic" about dragging a story out forever.

Lives... Big and small. I enjoyed it to the full.

21 hours of life - and death. Success and defeat. Ups and downs... Life.
Beautifully written by Matthew Thomas, and wonderfully read by Mare Winningham.

Very depressing

It probably was a very good book. Well written. However, I couldn't help to notice that every time I would listen to it a darkness, a sadness, came over me. Maybe this is what the author wanted. If so, than it was a success.

Engaging What Is

This is a wonderful story full of realism and a role model of relationship & engaging while clinging to self-preservation as a caregiver of several family elders with dementia.