Waiting for First Light

My Ongoing Battle with PTSD

By: Romeo Dallaire, Jessica Dee Humphreys - contributor

Narrated by: Paul Gross

Length: 6 hrs and 5 mins

Publisher's summary

Longlisted for the RBC Taylor Prize: In this piercing memoir, Roméo Dallaire, retired general and former senator, the author of the bestsellers Shake Hands with the Devil and They Fight Like Soldiers, They Die Like Children, and one of the world's leading humanitarians, delves deep into his life since the Rwandan genocide.

At the heart of Waiting for First Light is a no-holds-barred self-portrait of a top political and military figure whose nights are invaded by despair, but who at first light faces the day with the renewed desire to make a difference in the world.

Roméo Dallaire, traumatized by witnessing genocide on an imponderable scale in Rwanda, reflects in this book on the nature of PTSD and the impact of that deep wound on his life since 1994, and on how he motivates himself and others to humanitarian work despite his constant struggle. Though he had been a leader in peace and in war at all levels up to deputy commander of the Canadian Army, his PTSD led to his medical dismissal from the Canadian Forces in April 2000, a blow that almost killed him. But he crawled out of the hole he fell into after he had to take off the uniform, and he has been inspiring people to give their all to multiple missions ever since, from ending genocide to eradicating the use of child soldiers to revolutionizing officer training so that our soldiers can better deal with the muddy reality of modern conflict zones and to revolutionizing our thinking about the changing nature of conflict itself.

His new book is as compelling and original an account of suffering and endurance as Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking and William Styron's Darkness Visible.

©2016 Romeo A. Dallaire, LGen (ret) Inc. (P)2023 Random House Canada

Critic reviews

Longlisted for the 2017 RBC Taylor Prize

“[A]n important look at the plight of returning soldiers. . . . Dallaire’s work adds to a growing understanding of the special challenges and traumas faced by peacekeepers. . . . While the average person might not be inclined to read clinical literature, Dallaire offers something more: an honest, firsthand account—and from a general, no less.”—National Post

“Dallaire reveals an intriguing oxymoron: a poetic general; a soulful warrior.”—The Globe and Mail

“[E]xtraordinary book. . . . There is light in Waiting for First Light.”—Carol Off, CBC

His sadness

I really enjoyed the book. At timed it was a difficult read because the subject matter . The narration was excellent .

Dallaire’s Life After The Rwandan Genocide

This is one of the greatest books that I’ve ever heard! PTSD is one of the things I struggle with so I could relate to some parts but I didn’t get mine from serving in the military (there are different ways of getting it). I highly recommend this book to people who suffer from PTSD, if you know someone who is struggling with PTSD, or if you are interested in learning more about this disorder. It’s relatable and he tells it in a very interesting way. Once I started listening to this book I couldn’t put it down. He has lived a very extraordinary life, his ongoing struggle with PTSD is a very important topic, and he’s one of my heroes so I’m very glad that he wrote this book. It is very hopeful and he sheds a lot of light on his job as a General; how PTSD affects his life; how the Rwandan genocide could have been prevented; and his missions, to mention a few. He is advocating for different groups. This book is a gem. It gives me hope and I feel like I am not alone in the struggle to return to normal life. I am glad he had the courage to tell his story. R.I.P to those who died. Paul Gross is an exceptional narrator (I am glad that he was chosen again for The Peace written by Dallaire and Jessica Dee Humphreys). I am looking forward to listening to their next book!