Unbecoming

A Memoir of Disobedience

By: Anuradha Bhagwati

Narrated by: Anuradha Bhagwati

Brimming “with the ebullient Bhagwati’s fierce humanism, seething humor, and change-maker righteousness,” (Shelf Awareness) a raw, unflinching memoir by a former US Marine Captain chronicling her journey from dutiful daughter of immigrants to radical activist fighting for historic policy reform.

After a lifetime of buckling to the demands of her strict Indian parents, Anuradha Bhagwati abandons grad school in the Ivy League to join the Marines—the fiercest, most violent, most masculine branch of the military—determined to prove herself there in ways she couldn’t before.

Yet once training begins, Anuradha’s GI Jane fantasy is punctured. As a bisexual woman of color in the military, she faces underestimation at every stage, confronting misogyny, racism, sexual violence, and astonishing injustice perpetrated by those in power. Pushing herself beyond her limits, she also wrestles with what drove her to pursue such punishment in the first place.

Once her service concludes in 2004, Anuradha courageously vows to take to task the very leaders and traditions that cast such a dark cloud over her time in the Marines. Her efforts result in historic change, including the lifting of the ban on women from pursuing combat roles in the military.

“Bhagwati’s fight is both incensing and inspiring” (Booklist) in this tale of heroic resilience and grapples with the timely question of what, exactly, America stands for, showing how one woman learned to believe in herself in spite of everything.

Critic reviews

“Anuradha Bhagwati chronicles with admirable candor the examination and reconstruction of her identity, a journey taking her to Yale, the Marine Corps, and eventually the halls of Congress. If you want to understand the seismic changes in US military culture over the past decade, read this book.” —Elliot Ackerman, author of Green on Blue and Dark at the Crossing

“An insightful story about a daughter of immigrants who tries to find her place in this country, all the while enduring racism, homophobia, and sexism. Anuradha continues to fight for what is right so everyone can achieve the true American Dream: equal rights for all.” —Specialist Shoshana Johnson, US Army, ret., author of I’m Still Standing

“In her memoir Unbecoming, Anuradha Bhagwati powerfully depicts the forces that shaped and drove her as an unrelenting advocate for women in the military, fighting to expand opportunities and to reform the military’s treatment of sexual violence. It is a testament to the Herculean effort needed for progress to happen, and of the work that is yet to be done.” —Phil Klay, National Book Award-winning author of Redeployment

“Anuradha Bhagwati’s Unbecoming addresses the proverbial dilemma of confronting traditional expectations as a South Asian daughter. But Bhagwati—who grows up in the heart of the West and comes-of-age in New York City where popular culture holds sway—reckons with bouts of self-hatred, as she comes to terms with the complexities of identity. She renders a vivid examination of sexuality, education at Yale, the brutal rituals of training at Quantico as an officer in the United States Marine Corps, sexual harassment and disrespect coded into the military machine, yoga and meditation, reentry into civilian life while dreaming as a Marine, and psychological struggles in a VA hospital whose staff is ill-trained and unprofessional. Bhagwati delves into gut-level truth, and a reader is wholly engaged. The memoir’s narrator is fully initiated, and her one-of-a-kind voice plumbs multiple avenues for social justice. Unbecoming is an act of becoming.”— Yusef Komunyakaa, Pulitzer Prize-winning author and poet of Neon Vernacular

"Unbecoming is so much more than your typical military memoir. As an advocate who led the charge on exposing military sexual assault and supporting women's access to ground combat assignments, Anuradha sheds light upon how change actually happens in Washington, especially when resistance is fierce and the stakes are high." —M.J. Hegar, American Air Force Veteran and bestselling author of Shoot Like A Girl

A Topic Few Have Had the Gumption to Write on

A well written book about a topic few have the fortitude to write about. It was humbling, embarrassing and rewarding to read about this side of the Corps. We unfortunately need more brave souls like this to speak up and bring about the changes so desperately needed.

A Raw Portrait of Military Sexism

Anuradha Bhagwati’s narration held me spellbound. Her intimate experience as a Marine Corps Captain is raw and compelling. As an Army daughter raised at a large North Carolina Base, I am acutely aware of sexism and blatant disrespect of service women. Ms. Bhagwati is a hero to share, fight for service women’s rights. Her life experience not only uplifts survivors of sexual violence & harassment gives the power back to them.

Well written. Well narrated. Thank you to Ms. Bhagwati for your courage and unwavering actions to ensure service women are respected and acknowledged.

Trigger alert

This was a hard read for me being a female veteran who experienced many of the same things the author did. The trigger alert is for other female veterans. I met the author at a SWAN Summit and was very impressed with what was being done. Despite the triggers I was very happy I read this and highly recommend it.

Self worth and Others Approval

As I listened to this story, I couldn’t help but think how important it is for parents to be supportive of their children during their formative years. Anuradha might have viewed her Marine Corps experience in a much different light if she knew her worth earlier on. While I don’t agree with some of her opinions and actions (which is why I give it a 4), I very much appreciate hearing her perspective. I’d recommend the book to all service members.

Interesting but disappointing

Part one was interesting but the second part was a detailed exploration of the military....it.seemed.to go on and on. I was hoping that she would spend more time peeling away the reasons for joining the military. Not enough time spent there.

Misogyny, discrimination in today's military

As much progress as we see in having women's equality in the military and the headlines and attention given to the #MeToo movement, there is still a long way to go in today's military. We all should remember to give visibility and show confidence in all types of diversity in the military and all interactions with our fellow human beings.

Brave, authentic book

This is an excellently written book. I enjoyed listening to the author narrative the book.

Unexpected story arch

Unbecoming landed in my queue based on recommendations from a women's officer forum I belong to. I didn't know what to expect other than a raw and truthful telling of a Marine's journey as a woman. Perhaps because of my desensitization of our shared experiences in the military, it took me a few chapters to really get into Bhagwati's story. Once I did, I was hooked. I love the slow and viscerally painful transcendence into her final understanding and acceptance of herself. What she was able to accomplish throughout her career is commendable and should be required reading for any young woman entering the military, regardless of branch. I'm thankful for women like Bhagwati who take the pain and trauma and of their experience and turn it into something powerfully transformative for our future generations. I'm sorry for what you endured and I am thankful for what you accomplished for the rest of us and our future daughters.

Opening Wounds

I enjoyed the book, writing from the heart & leaving no stone unturned! As a retired Marine myself, the situations in this story hit close to home. At times, the band-aide was ripped off me, bringing back unpleasant experiences I encountered as a Marine. You will either enjoy the book or hate it - your call.