They May Not Mean To, But They Do

A Novel

By: Cathleen Schine

Narrated by: Cynthia Darlow

Length: 8 hrs and 40 mins

Publisher's summary

Joy Bergman is not slipping into old age with the quiet grace her children, Molly and Daniel, would prefer. She won't take their advice, and she won't take an antidepressant. Her marriage to their father, Aaron, has lasted through health and dementia, as well as some phenomenally lousy business decisions. The Bergman clan has always stuck together, growing as it incorporated in-laws, ex-in-laws, and same-sex spouses. But families don't just grow, they grow old.

Cathleen Schine's They May Not Mean To, but They Do is a tender, sometimes hilarious intergenerational story about searching for where you belong as your family changes with age.

When Aaron dies, Molly and Daniel have no shortage of solutions for their mother's loneliness and despair, but there is one challenge they did not count on: the reappearance of an ardent suitor from Joy's college days. They didn't count on Joy suddenly becoming as willful and rebellious as their own kids.

With sympathy, humor, and truth, Schine explores the intrusion of old age into a large and loving family. They May Not Mean To, but They Do is a radiantly compassionate look at three generations, all coming of age together.

©2016 Cathleen Schine (P)2016 Macmillan Audio

Excellent Story of Aging!!

A little slow at the end, but a overall great book. Made me think of my Mother! Every age has its own trials, especially old age! You lose control and "others" think THEY know what's best for you. But is it??

Bobra T.

Funny, touching and spot on

If you have an elderly parent or parents in your life, or if you are experiencing firsthand the tragicomic vicissitudes of growing old, this book is for you. My mother suffered with dementia for a decade and my 90-year-old father lives with my husband and me, so I am well-acquainted with the subject matter! There are lots of memoirs and novels out there about aging parents, and they are usually told from the point of view of the adult child, with emphasis on all the crap the child has to endure. This one is told mostly from the pov of the elderly mother and the result is both more entertaining and more illuminating. Brilliantly observed down to the smallest cringeworthy detail, yet not at all depressing. I laughed out loud throughout. Thanks Cathleen Schine for helping me understand my parents, and myself, a little better. You and your wonderful characters felt like old friends by the end.

Wonderful wonderful book

Extraordinary look at again. Funny, touching, sad, and more. Left me thinking. Cannot wait for my book club meeting so 8 can discuss it.

Schine shines

If you haven't already been one of these characters, hang on. You will be. Loved it.

Lots of laughs

This book has me laughing quite a bit. The ending was not what I expected but it makes you think.

Fabulous performance.Better than reading.

Performance was fantastic. Reader does voices of characters exceptionally well, making this a far better listen than a book for reading. The story is painfully realistic, accurate, and thankfully, funny. If you want resolution, you won't get it, as is so often true in life. I enjoyed this book, and didn't love it. No life insights for me, though I appreciated the journey.

Resonated with my experiences.

Having lived in NYC and being a mother, daughter, sibling and wife enriched this story for me. Wonderful narration mixed with humor and sadness, but the love between the characters presented a novel I’ve already recommended to friends my age, as well my kids, and my parents. Loved it!

Funny, Honest

Cathleen Schine is a very funny and smart writer. She combines broad comedy here with genuine insights into the difficulties of aging and the difficulties of having an aging parent. Having recently been through the illness and death of a parent, I found sections of this novel deeply moving and stunningly accurate.

She gets into the heads of most of the characters, so you see things from all points of view--the adult children trying to do their best, the aging parent attempting to maintain independence and dignity. There are some wonderful bits of social satire, too, as when a child reared in our post-indoor-cigarette world asks, "What are ashtrays for?"

Schine has tremendous love and tenderness for all her characters, and this gives the novel a warmth that's pretty irresistible.

I found some of the comedy a little too broad and cartoony in places, and a climactic section that takes place on a family vacation seemed both rushed (thinly described) and (because the set-up seemed wrong) too long.

Overall, I was happy to listen and entertained and moved, which is a lot of to ask of any novel.

Cynthia Darlow has a fantastically rich, nuanced voice. Her tone for the aging mother can be a little schticky in places (stereotype of New York "Jewish mother" character) but she brought the story and copious dialogue to life. She communicated the love in the family exceptionally well.

Everything an audible book should be

Wonderful reader who gave texture and nuance to every character
Not for readers who want plot-driven novels but much enjoyed by this reader for its humor and insights into character

Great narrator.

This book came to life by the excellent narrator of the story. A very true to life experience.