They Called Us Exceptional

And Other Lies That Raised Us

By: Prachi Gupta

Narrated by: Prachi Gupta

Length: 9 hrs and 30 mins

Publisher's summary

“In this vulnerable and courageous memoir, Prachi Gupta takes the myth of the exceptional Indian American family to task.”—The Washington Post

“I read it in one sitting. Wow. It aims right at the tender spot where racism, sexism, and family dynamics collide, and somehow manages to be both searingly honest and deeply compassionate.”—Celeste Ng, New York Times bestselling author of Little Fires Everywhere

A SHE READS BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR • ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE SEASON: The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Boston Globe, Bustle

How do we understand ourselves when the story about who we are supposed to be is stronger than our sense of self? What do we stand to gain—and lose—by taking control of our narrative?

Family defined the cultural identity of Prachi and her brother, Yush, connecting them to a larger Indian American community amid white suburbia. But their belonging was predicated on a powerful myth: the idea that Asian Americans, and Indian Americans in particular, have perfected the alchemy of middle-class life, raising tight-knit, high-achieving families that are immune to hardship. Molding oneself to fit this image often comes at a steep, but hidden, cost. In They Called Us Exceptional, Gupta articulates the dissonance, shame, and isolation of being upheld as an American success story while privately navigating traumas the world says do not exist.

Gupta addresses her story to her mother, braiding a deeply vulnerable personal narrative with history, postcolonial theory, and research on mental health to show how she slowly made sense of her reality and freed herself from the pervasive, reductive myth that had once defined her. But tragically, the act that liberated Gupta was also the act that distanced her from those she loved most. By charting her family’s slow unraveling, and her determination to break the cycle, Gupta shows how traditional notions of success keep us disconnected from ourselves and one another—and passionately argues why we must orient ourselves toward compassion over belonging.

©2023 Prachi Gupta (P)2023 Random House Audio

Critic reviews

"In this vulnerable and courageous memoir, Prachi Gupta takes the myth of the exceptional Indian American family to task . . . [her] resilience and her hope to be fully seen are an inspiration in both personal and political terms.”—The Washington Post

“She explains better than any writer I’ve ever encountered how conflicts that may appear low-stakes—such as an argument over grades or extracurriculars—can tear open an unnavigable gulf. She does this while loving, and grieving, her formerly close family.”—The Atlantic

“They Called Us Exceptional is a marvel: a searingly honest memoir that manages to be at once a scalding indictment, and a heartfelt love letter. In its descriptions of the struggle to live authentically across two cultures, Gupta's book evokes W.E.B DuBois and Maxine Hong Kingston; in its exploration of how family psychopathology and cultural history entwine themselves across generations.”—Scott Stossel, national editor of The Atlantic and author of My Age of Anxiety

In awe

Such a an incredible story, I have very little to add. Still processing how I am feeling.

A relatable Desi narrative

My father is indo Persian, who is a narcissist, depressed, emotionally abusive, petty, vindictive, but everyone views him as a saint.

I thought it was a singular case shaped by a dysfunctional family, circumstances and severe trauma. Never thought that it was a much bigger picture til I read this book.

Men are forced by societal pressures that determine their value and merits by self annihilating their emotions, bodies, and self to fit a stander they were never meant to achieve.
The standers are even more impossible when the said male is not white, tall, and rich.

Is the same pressures placed on women? No, they are even more back breaking and Herculean. but most of us, already know.

Being a feminist made me re-examine my parents over the years,with each understanding, my idea of parenthood and unconditional love died with it.
Both were too absorbed by each other needs and societal expectations to function or grow beyond their family names, jobs, and position in society.

Prachi, with her honest empathy, untangle all her family sordid affaire in the most articulated, understanding manner possible when it comes to such a messy situation.
There’s so much to unpack in her memoir, but I don’t think anyone could sum it up so clearly the way she did it.

And it means more to me knowing that a young Tamil woman who suffered so much, still managed to exceed her family expectations.

I think it’s the best book I read this year, and we’re still in April.

A must read.

Made me see myself in a new light

I have never read a book as relatable as this one, yet still with so many twists and turns. As an Indian American woman who grew up with first generation immigrant parents, it was always hard for me to find characters in books or movies that I could relate to. I truly feel seen in a way that I didn’t know was possible.

‘I am not done growing, I am just beginning’

Not Indian but American Indian and can totally relate to her story. Saddened as I read of her experiences but it’s a must read!

How she stayed true to her beliefs and pushed back against her narcissistic like father.

Her honesty, her love for her brother and how she tried to save him from himself and the limiting beliefs

A very moving memoir

Purchased it after watching the interview on NPR.
She made me reflect on life as an immigrant and woman. I admire that she was able to be strong and forge ahead with her life.

Stimulating

Deep land honest ; a surprising revelation from the lifetime. I enjoyed how much of me it showed itself to be; from a very different culture.

Exceptional

Prachi writing things what majority of us shove it under the rug and unable to speak about it.

Good good

Prachi Gupta writes about facts well. Feelings, she’s not so out about. So it’s funny that this memoir seems like it is her life when it’s really about the others around her. Even the memory of rape is told in terms of her bother’s lack of acceptance.

The book is a long letter to her mother who we never meet. So the whole thing boils down to social skills of the loved and isolated in a family.

I suggest more Mr. Rogers and Jhumpa Lahiri.

This memoir is medicine for the soul.

Reading this memoir in less than 24 hours has been a process of healing through cathartic release. Through reading Prachi Gupta’s story, I was able to access an emotional depth and connection to myself I thought I had buried and lost forever. Thank you, Prachi, for bravely and so beautifully modeling that telling the truth and loving oneself is always worth the risks. ♥️