The Witch and the Ostrich

By: Jordan A. Werner

Narrated by: Jesse Vilinsky

Never trust a necromancer ostrich.

The witch Quin Schumacher ekes out a living as the crotchety colosseum combat critic for the Daily Stardust newspaper. Complicating her job is Fergus, the former Death Lord of Jocrom. Fortunately, Quin already turned him into an ostrich.

On their way to the dilapidated city of Queensworth to see heads roll in the local arena, Quin finds a note in a dead man's pocket. Written in blood, it hints towards a nefarious conspiracy linking a gladiator to one of Quin's fellow witches, all of whom are compelled to serve Her Majesty Queen Siobhan the Third.

Meanwhile, Fergus has his own plans to get his powers back, remove Quin's spell on him, and re-establish his empire. He just needs a little help from a local vampire . . .

Bloody violence, proto-gonzo journalism, and deadly women aplenty collide in The Witch and the Ostrich, Jordan A. Werner's debut satire.

©2023 Jordan A. Werner (P)2025 Tantor Media

Disappointing

I made it about halfway through this before dropping it. The story behind it showed some promise but not enough to keep me engaged. The book leans heavily on its humor but that tends to boil down to little more than "penis! haha!". Humor is a very subjective thing so it can be hard to review properly but I can say that for me at least, The Witch and the Ostrich completely missed the mark.

The narrator was quite slow; I generally listen at 1x speed but had to bump it up to 1.15x speed for it to feel natural instead of dragging. Given that the audio book is on the short side already, it almost felt like it was intentionally slowed to make the book seem longer and more worth a credit. Overall the performance was good but not standout.