The Self-Driven Child

The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control over Their Lives

By: William Stixrud PhD, Ned Johnson

Narrated by: Kaleo Griffith

Length: 11 hrs and 35 mins

Publisher's summary

A clinical neuropsychologist and test prep guru combine cutting-edge brain science with insights from their work with families to make a radical new case for giving kids more control if you want to unleash their full potential.

Many of us know we're putting too much pressure on our kids - and on ourselves - but how do we get off this crazy train? We want our children to succeed, to be their best, and to do their best, but what if they are not on board?

A few years ago, Ned Johnson and Bill Stixrud started noticing the same problem from different angles: even high-performing kids were coming to them acutely stressed and lacking any real motivation. Many complained that they had no real control over their lives. Johnson runs PrepMatters, an elite tutoring service that teaches teens how to perform better on standardized tests. Stixrud is a clinical neuropsychologist who helps patients suffering from ADHD, anxiety, eating disorders, and depression. Both have devoted their lives to coaching kids and they have hit on a counterintuitive solution to unlocking their full potential: even at a young age kids need to feel that their views matter. They need more agency. A healthy motivation hinges on having a strong sense of control. So how do you do that without giving up all authority as a parent?

The Self-Driven Child offers a combination of brain science, the latest discoveries in behavioral therapy, case studies drawn from the thousands of children and teens Stixrud and Johnson have helped over the years, and concrete advice that you can act on tonight to teach you how to unlock your children's potential and set them on the real road to success. We can only drive our children so far. At some point, they have to take the wheel themselves. Those who have never been allowed to make meaningful decisions until then are likely to flounder.

The Self-Driven Child will give you the tools to make sure your children navigate with confidence and determination and find their own path.

©2018 William Stixrud and Ned Johnson (P)2018 Penguin Audio

Critic reviews

“Instead of trusting kids with choices. . . many parents insist on micromanaging everything from homework to friendships. For these parents, Stixrud and Johnson have a simple message: Stop. Instead of thinking of yourself as your child's boss or manager, try consultant.” (NPR)

“William Stixrud and Ned Johnson focus on the ways that children today are being denied a sense of controlling their own lives - doing what they find meaningful, and succeeding, or failing, on their own. Screen time, the authors say, is part of the problem, but so are well-meaning parents and schools, who are unwittingly taking from children the opportunities they need to grow stronger, more confident, and more themselves.” (Scientific American)

“If there’s one book I’d recommend to parents who are raising children of all ages - I’m talking preschool to 12th grade - this is the book.” (Atomic Moms)

mother of 3

I have been putting into practice what I have learned in this book. Thank You.

Life changing

The perspective this book sheds on the relationship you can have with your child, is priceless! I love the way it’s written, organized, and delivered in the audio. The “what to do tonight” sections, are wonderful for the overwhelmed mind. Highly recommend!

Great Book

This book helped me as a parent to trust my children and their ability to make decisions. If you are willing to allow your children to take a bigger part take in their lives, this books is a most.

from what i learned from the book, it works.

thank you, authors. my sons and me are much happier and getting better.
esp. chapter 4 and 5 it's really the key to our family success.

a good mind opener?

it had great ideas on parenting, some would see as unconventional.
it's worth listening to.

I hope this review helps

This book is a wonderful book to read for parents with all types of children. The narrator has such a soothing voice making the literature easy to take in. It is a difficult idea of letting your child make their own decisions, But once you continue to read and complete the book you understand the meaning of the first few chapters and how important it is to teach your children this way.
If you are looking for a book for parenting to give clarity good communication skills with your children. This is it!

Not only for parents

Interesting to hear scientific reasons of stress and motivation even before becoming a parent. Useful for couples and happy life in general.

So good, just what I needed

The philosophies in this book were so good both for me as a person and as a parent. The strategies I learned will help our whole family for decades to come.

Have a child? READ THIS BOOK

We have a middle schooler and a highschooler in our home. I am a builder and my wife is a middle school teacher. We want better for our kids and have been pushing them hard to go to college. This book changed everything in our family and has made our lives a lot more manageable.

Excellent parenting advice

This is an outstanding, evidence based guide to parenting a self-driven child. It outlines how to give your child more control over his/her life.