The Rough Patch

Marriage and the Art of Living Together

By: Daphne de Marneffe PhD PhD

Narrated by: Daphne de Marneffe PhD PhD

“Anyone grappling with the bewilderment of midlife…will be at once provoked and comforted by this enormously wise book” (Dani Shapiro, New York Times bestselling author of Hourglass: Time, Memory, Marriage), from a psychologist who has worked for decades with people struggling to preserve and enhance their marriages and long-term relationships.

People today are trying to make their marriages work over longer lives than ever before. But staying married isn’t always easy. In the brilliant, transformative, and optimistic The Rough Patch, clinical psychologist Daphne de Marneffe explores the extraordinary pushes and pulls of midlife marriage, where our need to develop as individuals can crash headlong into the demands of our relationships.

“A book of good intentions and helpful advice and a worthy manual for spouses” (Kirkus Reviews), The Rough Patch addresses common problems: money, alcohol and drugs, the stresses of parenthood, sex, extramarital affairs, lovesickness, health, aging, children leaving home, and dealing with elderly parents. Then, de Marneffe offers seasoned wisdom on these difficulties, explaining the psychological, emotional, and relational capacities we must cultivate to overcome them as individuals and as couples. Blending research, interviews, and clinical experience, de Marneffe dives deep into the workings of love and the structures of relationships.

Intimate and always illuminating, The Rough Patch is an essential, compassionate resource for people trying to understand “where they are” on the continuum of marriage, giving them a chance to share in other people’s stories and struggles. “De Marneffe writes with poetry, wit, and compassion about the necessity of struggle in the quest for true love. Anyone in any relationship at any stage of life could stand to learn from the wisdom in these pages” (Andrew Solomon, National Book Award-winning author of Far from the Tree).

very helpful

I loved it. And I would recommend to anyone starting a serious relationship. Eat has helped me to be better at understanding my partner

Great reading for all relationships

How would you have changed the story to make it more enjoyable?

The message was about growing as a person inside the relationship with kindness, consideration and consciousness.

What three words best describe Daphne de Marneffe PhD’s performance?

Real life stories were used to highlight scenarios that are easy to experience in relationship.

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

The effect of the relationship on children is particularly profound.

Any additional comments?

Maybe just a bit too wordy. For me, the authenticity was compromised in attempt to embellish the sentences.

Required reading prior to attending marriage therapy: to avoid wasting both time, money, and even your soul

I think husbands like me who are brute force analytical problem solvers will benefit the most from this book because the author shows that being honest, especially with yourself, is no easy task, and that nurturing your marriage also take a lot of guts and courage. It’ not something you can accomplish with good check list.

I am reading this a second time, again, on my own. This is probably the best relationship book I have ever read. It helped me to to see what I am doing wrong, what I can correct in my behavior(s)/habits and how to think about my marriage partner and our relationship; how precious it is, how to talk and relate to my spouse of thirty years in new ways.

We have gone to various therapy sessions over the years and I have always felt attacked or that I had gotten beaten up or that the criticism directed towards me was always so hard or painful to accept or was unfair. This book would have helped prepare me to be able to listen to criticism with a lot more compassion and understanding as opposed to reacting to anger with anger or the idea that I am right or being treated unfairly or victimized. My headline for this review was originally, “Get the therapy you need without getting beat up”.

What’s great about this book is that I am able to put into practice and start benefiting from the lessons learned almost immediately. Last, I no longer look at therapy or the suggestion or plea that we go to therapy as something to dread. I feel it would even bring real relief, healing, and growth.

I wish readers all the best.

Godspeed,

-s.

Packed with insight and inspiration

Just before our son was born, my wife and I took a course on “how to maintain a strong relationship with your spouse after having kids.” It was taught by Daphne. That course and this book were both full of very keenly observed and well articulated insights about couples, how they related to each other and all of the various obstacles they face on their journey together. I know that I will return to this book many times over the years ahead for guidance and I am very grateful to Daphne for sharing her wisdom. If you do choose to read (listen) to this book, be sure to hold out until the end, the last 30 minutes of the book are incredibly potent with useful and hopeful ideas.

Actually Helpful!

This book reminded me why I made the choice to be married and why I keep making the choice to stay married.