• The Housewife Assassin's Handbook

  • The Housewife Assassin, Book 1
  • By: Josie Brown
  • Narrated by: Melissa Moran
  • Length: 5 hrs and 59 mins
  • 3.5 out of 5 stars (1,184 ratings)

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The Housewife Assassin's Handbook  By  cover art

The Housewife Assassin's Handbook

By: Josie Brown
Narrated by: Melissa Moran
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Publisher's summary

Every desperate housewife wants an alias. Donna Stone has one - and it happens to be government-sanctioned.

But Donna earned it the hard way: Her husband was killed the day she delivered their third child.

To avenge her husband's murder, Donna leads a secret life as an assassin.

But espionage makes for strange bedfellows, and brings new meaning to that old adage, "Honey, I'm home...."

©2011 Josie Brown (P)2014 Josie Brown

What listeners say about The Housewife Assassin's Handbook

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  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars

Quick Quips and Sarcastic Humor

At some point in time, I remember seeing the cover of this book and it peaking my interest. I honestly don't remember where or when, but it's familiar. And the title struck a cord with me, The Housewife Assassin. It just sounds intriguing, no? That's why when I saw it on Audiobook Jukebox I just knew I had to give it a chance and at only about 6 hours long, it went by very quickly.

Donna Stone is a housewife and mother. She has three children, lives in a very exclusive gated community in southern California, manages the house and her kids very busy lives. Maybe not as well as some of the other Mommies in the carpool, but then again, they don't have to worry about clean up after torturing information out of an arms dealer and trying to make it on time to pick up the kids from after school. Yes, Donna is a covert agent for ACME, a government sanctioned agency that handles black ops. She became an agent after finding out that her husband was an agent and was killed while she was in the hospital giving birth to their third child. After a couple of months, his boss had to give her the bad news that his paychecks and benefits were going to stop. After she shot an attempted intruder, she was offered a job. That was 5 years earlier. Donna has now become quite the assassin with 40+ kills to her credit, each one a step in the direction of taking down the rogue group that killed her beloved husband and took away the father of her children.

Believe it or not, this was a light hearted, almost slapstick thriller. Were there tense moments and scintillating action? You bet. But it was told with quick quips and sarcastic humor and kept mostly PG-13. Think of movies like Killers, This Means War or even The Spy Next Door. There were some dark moments, especially towards the end, but overall I spent more time giggling than shocked or dismayed.

Melissa Moran did a great job bringing the characters to life. The tone and inflection were spot on. I especially loved the Stepford-esque quality she gave to the Perfect Housewife Advice at the beginning of most of the chapters. The had me snorting and cackling with the over the top tips and tricks to keeping your household running smoothly while eliminating your enemies.

Overall, this was quite an enjoyable read. There were enough twists to keep me interested, and some interesting 180's that I never saw coming. The story left me satisfied, but wanting more, so 4 stars.

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57 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars

How I Wish We Would Be Warned of Explicit Sex

Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?

I could not possibly recommend this to any of my friends, because of all the sexual mentions and sexual anatomy. I was so disappointed. There IS still a population who thinks a "lighthearted mystery" about a housewife is better without such things. I know the world has changed, but my friends and I haven't....

Did the plot keep you on the edge of your seat? How?

I stopped after about hearing - well, I can't write it. It would be considered porn if I wrote it in a review. I would have LIKED to finish the book for the plot's sake, but really. Let's just say the shock at the sexual descriptions overcame any interest I had at finding out the ending. I hate when I am blindsided by a book when the description leads me to think it is one thing and I feel it is something different. I thought it would be a fun spy novel with a housewife - doesn't that lead you to think satire? - but I guess my thoughts are different than others. Maybe I better stick to Mrs. Pollifax.

What do you think the narrator could have done better?

The narrator is good; in my mind she is lacking a little- I don't know - emotion? tempo? I have personal favorites a bit better, but she does a good job. She is good for the genre.

If this book were a movie would you go see it?

There is always so much that depends with that question it is impossible to answer. I've maybe seen about ten movies in my life they haven't wrecked from the book.

Any additional comments?

My comments are all in my first paragraphs. I cannot finish this book, because I do not like to hear about male anatomy swellings and all the things that go on in the bedroom. I always go to the reviews to see if anyone mentions these things and I did not see anything in the first few, and I didn't see anything in the descriptions that would give me an idea of this.

Now I have bought a book I have to go through the hassle of deleting and asking for a refund for which I do not like to do. Plus, I am sure no author likes to have their work "judged", so to speak, on a side topic- but if I don't put this down, other purchasers may find themselves in the same position.

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54 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Unique

Any additional comments?

Yes, I would recommend this story it may be hard to believe but this was a lighthearted story with some funny scenes and some slapstick thrown in for good measure. Don't get me wrong there were some very dark moments in the book which should be expected because of the subject matter but they do not detract from the story. The plot twist changes the story dramatically and leads right into the next book. As the story progressed I really became interested in what happened to Donna and her kids. I liked the music and helpful hints at the beginning of each chalpter. I enjoyed the narrator I think she added to the lightheartedness of the audio. I am eagerly awaiting the entire series on audible. Sorry for the briefness of this review but it was hard to write without including any spoilers.

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36 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Unique premise and excellent reader

Where does The Housewife Assassin's Handbook rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

It is quirky and unique - a housewife that pays the bills by being a secret assassin and protecting the country, all the while seeking justice.

What was one of the most memorable moments of The Housewife Assassin's Handbook?

It would be a spoiler if I told exactly what, but when Donna finds out one piece of crucial information, it shakes up everything she has ever known and rocks her world to the core.

Which character – as performed by Melissa Moran – was your favorite?

Donna of course.

If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?

Protecting the world is the least of her worries.

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18 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Perfection! Enthusiastic 5-Stars

Josie Brown's accomplished skills as a writer are on display in this exciting suburban mystery. Strong central characters, compelling incident to launch the story, twists at every turn. There's humor, romance, and intrigue in this page-turning tale of a housewife-turned-assassin. While taking on the evil Quorum, Donna struggles to reconcile competing feelings of love for the man she lost and the man she found while also feeling motherly concern for the safety of her children. The whole town's involved in this delightful journey through pies, baseball, carpooling, and yes, assassins, moles, and terrorism. I will be reading/listening to every book that Josie Brown writes. Fabulous job by the narrator. Fabulous!

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15 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Very cool listen .

I truly enjoyed this listen . This book has very interesting characters. The narrator gave an awesome listening experience. The asides were delivered in such a wonderful manner. Very impressed . I went into this book with a what's this attitude and was just delighted with the delivery and storytelling .

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10 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Loved it

Would you consider the audio edition of The Housewife Assassin's Handbook to be better than the print version?

I loved the narrator and the music at the start of the chapters added to the experience. I am now reading book 2 from the series and wish it was available on audible.

Which scene was your favorite?

When she realized that Carl was not a good guy but it was hard for her to believe. Also at the end in the baseball field.

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

There was two moments that truly moved me. The first was when she saw Carl at the party and when she left Jack near the end of the book.

Any additional comments?

Please make the rest of the series on audible. I enjoy reading and listening to the audiobook at the same time.

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  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars

What has happened to publishing...??

Hmm.. Let's see... a semi- or even marginally believable plot would have helped save this mess... maybe. This novel doesn't have one. An editor would have been nice. The third time she used the expression "I could care less" I was certain this had to be self-published.

Then, when the main character said, "He proffered me a stool in which to sit on" I was certain of it. Turns out this was published by something called "Signal Press." Good luck figuring out who they are. One may, however, assume that they don't employ editors.

The plot is a mess. Donna, our "housewife assassin" lives in an upper-class, suburban white-bread community in which there are no redeeming characters and no one has either meaningful work or fulfilling lives. Her husband Carl is dead, but not dead, then back from the dead, only not back from the dead because Carl is really Jack, but then back from the dead again and then should have just stayed dead. Then you will WISH he was dead because the plot deteriorates from there!

Meanwhile, between carpool dates she is a paid assassin for the CIA and blithely goes along killing people whom no police agency ever notices.

And the best part is, she is - bar none - the absolute WORST parent you can imagine.

Stupid plot. Stupid premises. Really bad narration. She has two voices - male and female. And if you don't listen carefully, you'll get them mixed up. And, unfortunately, they are in a pitch and nasal range that will induce bleeding from the ears.

Stupid, stupid book and any claims to humor are a lie.

OK, you're probably thinking, "Oh, c'mon, hon, be honest, What did you REALLY think of this book?"

You've been warned.

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8 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    3 out of 5 stars

Fun & frivolous

I don't usually listen to books in this genre but I enjoyed it.

The plot is predictable and silly but enjoyable and the characters are likable, especially Donna, even if they are stereotypical. The writing is witty but what really makes this a fun listen is the narrator (there were a few times I found myself snorting with laughter). I'll probably check out new books in the series as they come out.

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8 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars

It's fun if you can handle the grown-up scenes.

It's fun little story that's like a Bond scenario in American suburbia with a touch of romance novel here and there. I didn't stay up late to finish it but I never walked away from it. That's a good thing in my world. Narrator was a little odd on the male voices but overall an enjoyable listen.

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5 people found this helpful