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The Haunted Forest Tour
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 8 hrs and 55 mins
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Publisher's summary
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Haunted Forest Tour! Sit back, and enjoy a smooth ride in air-conditioned comfort as your heavily armored tram takes you through nature's most astonishing creation. The forest is packed to capacity with dangerous and terrifying creatures of all shapes, sizes, and hunger levels, and you'll get to observe these wonders in complete safety.
Howl with a werewolf! Gaze into the glowing eyes of a giant spider! Look right through a spooky ghost! See horrific monsters you couldn't even imagine, only inches away from you! Things with fangs, things with claws, things with dripping red jaws - you'll see them all!
Not thrilling enough? Well, it's Halloween, and so we're offering a very special tour through the Haunted Forest. The new route goes deeper into the woods than any civilians have ventured before, and you're guaranteed to get a good scare! Rest assured that every possible security precaution has been taken. The Haunted Forest Tour has a 100 percent safety record, and technical difficulties are unheard of. You will be in no danger whatsoever.
We promise.
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Love Joe Ledger Series? Avoid This Trainwreck.
- By Kathleen on 10-21-13
By: Jonathan Maberry
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13 Bullets
- A Vampire Tale
- By: David Wellington
- Narrated by: Bernadette Dunne
- Length: 11 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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All the official reports say they are dead—extinct since the late ’80s, when a fed named Arkeley nailed the last vampire in a fight that nearly killed him. But Arkeley knows what most people don’t: there is one left. In an abandoned asylum she is rotting, plotting, and biding her time in a way that only the undead can. When state trooper Laura Caxton calls the FBI looking for help in the middle of the night, it is Arkeley who gets the assignment.
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HER LARYNX ROTTED AWAY YEARS AGO
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 10-20-16
By: David Wellington
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Deadlocked 1
- By: A.R. Wise
- Narrated by: Brian Sutherland
- Length: 2 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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David was caught in the middle of the city when the zombie outbreak started. His wife and daughters were at home, stranded on the roof as zombies waited below. He would have to fight through hordes of undead, merciless other survivors, and a series of death defying stunts to get home. However, even if he makes it there, how can he be sure they're safe? Deadlocked puts you into David's head as he struggles to get home. Then a final confrontation occurs that could guarantee his family's survival, but at what cost?
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Looks like a great series to follow
- By Tilo on 07-06-14
By: A.R. Wise
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Things to Do in Denver When You're Un-Dead
- From the Files of the BSI, Book 1
- By: Mark Everett Stone
- Narrated by: Damon Abdallah
- Length: 10 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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For 10 years Kal Hakala has been the Bureau of Supernatural Investigation's top man, the longest surviving agent in its blood-soaked history. The World At Large has no idea that The World Under exists. And its vampires, demons, zombies, and mythic monsters are growing increasingly restless. In all Kal's time with the Bureau, there has been no case he couldn't crack, no monster he couldn't kill. Then a plague of zombies comes to Denver, along with a vicious serial killer dubbed The Organ Donor.
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very, very enjoyable. a great listen
- By Dr Dionne P Joseph on 08-24-13
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The Last Mailman
- By: Kevin Burke
- Narrated by: Marc Vietor
- Length: 8 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Four-year degree in business.Trained in hand-to-hand combat. Works well with zombies.This is the resume of the last mailman on Earth. It is the near future, and the modern world we knew has been overrun and destroyed by reanimated corpses who hunt humans for food. Mankind has retreated to small pockets of civilization and practically surrendered to these walking dead. But one man routinely leaves behind the safety and comfort of his home in this new world in order to find the people and things we’ve long abandoned.
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Zombies but not as many as expected
- By As happy as a monkey with two bananas in his hands on 08-16-13
By: Kevin Burke
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I Have a Bad Feeling about This
- By: Jeff Strand
- Narrated by: Aaron Landon
- Length: 5 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Henry Lambert would rather play video games than spend time in the great outdoors - but that doesn't make him a wuss. Skinny nerd? Fine. But wuss is a little harsh. Sadly, his dad doesn't agree. Which is why Henry is being shipped off to Strongwoods Survival Camp. Strongwoods isn't exactly as advertised. It looks like the victim of a zombie apocalypse, the "camp director" is a psycho drill sergeant, and Henry's sure he saw a sign written in blood...
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Entertaining
- By Olive on 01-22-17
By: Jeff Strand
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Cryptids
- Cryptids, Book 1
- By: David Haynes
- Narrated by: Jeff Harding
- Length: 9 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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The Facility is a research centre that specialises in cryptozoology, the search for legendary creatures. Once these ‘cryptids’ are found, they are caged, abused and experimented on to graft their physical prowess onto ordinary soldiers. Even as the Facility’s troops hunt down Shaw, and the cunning Cryptid Nine plans her escape, something far more horrifying is emerging from hibernation to feed. And both human and cryptid will discover that nothing can stop the Wendigo....
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Awful Narrator!
- By Kindle Customer on 05-18-22
By: David Haynes
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Ex-Heroes
- By: Peter Clines
- Narrated by: Jay Snyder, Khristine Hvam
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Stealth. Gorgon. Regenerator. Cerberus. Zzzap. The Mighty Dragon. They were heroes. Vigilantes. Crusaders for justice, using their superhuman abilites to make Los Angeles a better place. Then the plague of living death spread around the globe. Despite the best efforts of the superheroes, the police, and the military, the hungry corpses rose up and overwhelmed the country. The population was decimated, heroes fell, and the city of angels was left a desolate zombie wasteland like so many others.
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Superheroes vs. Zombies? Sure, why not...
- By Aser Tolentino on 10-04-12
By: Peter Clines
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Caverns and Creatures: Volume I (Books 1-4)
- By: Robert Bevan
- Narrated by: Jonathan Sleep
- Length: 32 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Swords. Sorcery. Dick Jokes. Truly do the gods smile upon you, dear listener, for the first four books in the hilarious Caverns and Creatures series are now available in one audiobook set. Join Tim, Dave, Julian, and Cooper as they are thrown into a hostile fantasy world filled with magic and monsters, and ruled over by a cruel and sadistic game master who taunts and harasses them while he sits back and eats their fried chicken.
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A great listen, but don't listen while in public!
- By Jonathan on 06-26-19
By: Robert Bevan
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John Dies at the End
- By: David Wong
- Narrated by: Stephen R. Thorne
- Length: 14 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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STOP. You should not have touched this flyer with your bare hands. NO, don't put it down. It's too late. They're watching you. My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours. You may not want to know about the things you'll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it's too late. You touched the book. You're in the game. You're under the eye. The only defense is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why?
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Vulgar Funny. 4.95 Sale Win.
- By C Yohe on 11-19-12
By: David Wong
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Good ol gross out gore
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I don't usually laugh out loud
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A young man leaves his backdoor Russian town and heads to Moscow, never to be poor again. With each day, he grows more and more desperate, until he meets an old geologist with an intriguing and surprisingly profitable offer: to join him on his trip to the depths of Siberia, the largest forest on the planet, and become a "black digger" - one of those who find and excavate mammoth tusks with the purpose of selling them as ivory to the highest bidder.
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Pretty good really enjoyed it.
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Rod's life doesn't suck. If you ask him, it's pretty awesome. He may not be popular, but he and his best friends play in a band that has a standing gig. Yeah, it's Monday night and they don't get paid, but they can crank the volume as loud as they want. And Rod's girlfriend is hot, smart, and believes in their band - believes in Rod. Aside from a winning lottery ticket, what more could he ask for? Answer: A different cousin. When Rod's scheming, two-faced cousin Blake moves in for the semester, Rod tries to keep calm. Blake seems to have everyone else fooled....
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The Audio version of this book is Fantastic.
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Devil's Island
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Devil's Island. An abandoned island in the Caribbean Sea with a dark and bloody past. An island with a terrible secret. Nick Gorman, billionaire movie producer, assembles a team of ghost hunters and scientists to investigate the Thornhill Manor on Devil's Island - the most haunted place in the world that no one's ever heard of. He's there to find proof of ghosts, evidence of an afterlife...but he's also there to uncover the secret that is hidden on the island...to possess it.
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Pretty good book
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Richard doesn’t have a past. For him, there is only the present: a new marriage to Tamara, a first chance at fatherhood to her son, Elijah, and a quiet but pleasant life as an art teacher at Elijah’s elementary school in Danvers, Virginia. Then the body of a rabbit, ritualistically murdered, appears on the school grounds with a birthday card for Richard tucked beneath it. Richard doesn’t have a birthday - but Sean does.... Sean is a five-year-old boy who has just moved to Greenfield, Virginia, with his mother.
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The Satanic Panic never had it so good!
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Three years after running away from home, Olivia is stuck with a dead-end job in nowhere town Chapel Hill, Pennsylvania. At least she has her best friend, Sunflower. Olivia figures she’ll die in Chapel Hill, if not from boredom, then the summer night storm which crashes into town with a mind-bending monster in tow. If Olivia’s going to escape Chapel Hill and someday reconcile with her parents, she’ll need to dodge residents enslaved by the storm’s otherworldly powers and find Sunflower.
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Engrossing story beautifully performed by Jeremy Carlisle Parker
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The Bookshop from Hell
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Horror is what Dan Law enjoys. He loves to read horror novels as a way to escape from his teaching job, from his loneliness, from the everyday dullness of life in Silver Lake. That’s what Dan lives for. When a new bookstore opens in town, every visitor receives a free book of their own. A book that tells their own personal story...a story they have to follow to the brutal end. As Silver Lake’s population descends into violent savagery, Dan finds he is no longer living for horror novels - he’s living inside one.
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a bit monotoned for murder porn
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The Silence
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In the darkness of a vast cave system, cut off from the world for millennia, blind creatures hunt by sound. Then there is light, there are voices, and they feed. Swarming from their prison, they multiply and thrive. To scream, even to whisper, is to summon death. Deaf for many years, Ally knows how to live in silence. Now, it is her family's only chance of survival. They must leave their home, shun others, and find a remote haven where they can sit out the plague. But will it ever end? And what kind of world will be left?
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I really am starting to question other reviewers
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Dreams in Black Static
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Two roommates stumble upon a mysterious and disturbing videotape. After watching it, one of them vanishes.... A heart transplant recipient gets much more than he bargained for when he digs into his donor's sinister past.... Mourning the death of their son, a young couple is plunged into madness after encountering something otherworldly in the wilderness.... Dreams in Black Static is a collection of eight terrifying stories by Ambrose Ibsen, author of The Haunting of Beacon Hill and Asylum.
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Amazing!
- By love2read on 01-30-21
By: Ambrose Ibsen
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Ghost Eaters
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Ever since their on-again, off-again college romance, Erin hasn’t been able to set a single boundary with charismatic but reckless Silas, who has been chasing the next big high since graduation. When he texts her to spring him out of rehab, she knows enough is enough. She is ready to start a career, make new friends, and meet a great guy—even if that means cutting Silas off. But when Silas turns up dead from an overdose, Erin’s world falls apart.
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Solidly crafted storytelling
- By jc on 12-19-22
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It Rides a Pale Horse
- By: Andy Marino
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- Length: 13 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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When Lark goes to deliver one of his latest pieces to a fabulously rich buyer, it seems like a regular transaction. Even being met at the gate of the sprawling, secluded estate by an intimidating security guard seems normal. Until the guard plays him a live feed: Betsy being abducted in real time. Lark is informed that she's safe for now, but her well-being is entirely in his hands. He's given a book. Do what the book says, and Betsy will go free.
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Dark, Surreal ,Entirely Original
- By Michael on 04-17-23
By: Andy Marino
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Dweller
- By: Jeff Strand
- Narrated by: Scott Thomas
- Length: 7 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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When Toby Floren was eight years old, he discovered a monster living in the woods behind his house. A ghastly, frightening creature with claws, fangs, and a taste for human flesh. As he ran out of the forest, screaming, Toby felt that he'd been lucky to escape with his life. Years later, Toby finds comfort with the creature. It's his own special secret - something that nobody else in the world knows about. Somebody to talk to. Somebody to confide in.
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I can't even...
- By Natalie @ ABookLoversLife on 01-16-17
By: Jeff Strand
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The Night Parade
- By: Ronald Malfi
- Narrated by: Tom Taylorson
- Length: 12 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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A father and daughter try to survive the steady decline of all they know in this haunting thriller from award-winning author Ronald Malfi. First the birds disappeared. Then the insects took over. Then the madness began. They call it Wanderer's Folly - a disease of delusions, of daydreams and nightmares. A plague threatening to wipe out the human race.
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Unfulfilling
- By Mo Devlin on 09-08-16
By: Ronald Malfi
What listeners say about The Haunted Forest Tour
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
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- Jason
- 09-07-18
WOW, just WOW. Great book!!!!
Jeff Strand and James A Moore have crafted one of the most fun gore feats ever. The body count is enormous. The Monsters are very interesting and original. I liked the Harpies. This is one ride that every horror fan should take.
The action is nonstop, no rest for the wicked or the innocent. Graphic groo and blood and guts and brains and eyeballs and...so wonderfully fun.
The best part is that you really feel a connection to the characters and want them to be safe. You understand the anguish Christopher feels, you can empathize with the choices Lee makes. Just great writing.
Joe Hempel once again brings all he has for an amazing performance. There was not a single character in here that did not have a unique voice or accent or nuance to it. Amazing job!!!
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32 people found this helpful
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- T. Winter
- 10-12-18
Right up my alley, but . . .
I know I will take a beating for this, but I don't feel like this was one of Strand's best. I usually love his books, but this one was disappointing for a number of reasons. The narration by Joe Hempel was fantastic as usual, but story wise, for me it was too much too soon. There was no suspense and no build up because everything just hit the fan right off the bat. We hardly even knew the characters before people started getting killed off in mass quantities. It was like, oh, someone else is being eaten by a monster two seconds after the last guy? Okay. In other words, no tension at all.
Character development was also comparatively bland by Strand's usual standards. There were a lot of characters here (which is good given the rate they die), but I didn't feel connected to most of them. Maybe that was intentional, to ease the disappointment at losing them? If so, I would call that part a failed experiment, because it didn't work for me.
All in all, this felt a bit like one of those late night black and white monster movies, except with 10,000 different monsters instead of one, and on speed. I guess I would still recommend you listen to it, as long as you don't expect much.
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20 people found this helpful
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- Dawnde W.
- 09-12-18
So much fun!
Whereas I was a little surprise by the overwhelming sexism... I really enjoyed this book!
I would listen to Joe Hemple read the phone book. And despite all of the monstery goodness and ripping apart of humans, there were also parts that actually made me laugh. Very entertaining, very worth the credit, very worth the time. It was like Jurassic Park on steroids.
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17 people found this helpful
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Performance
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- Lila Fowler
- 09-10-18
Great roller coaster ride, satisfying ending!
I wasn't sure what to expect when I started this book. I was pleasantly surprised. Among all the gore, I found myself rooting for the characters, and anxiously awaiting their fate. Well crafted, there are not a lot of slow moments. And I felt the ending tied everything up nicely. It's a book that really holds your attention all the way through!
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16 people found this helpful
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- Levi
- 09-24-18
a fun ride what can I say.
so if your intro horror movie like me you can appreciate this tale. now full disclosure there is little suspense but a lot of thrill and action. Think of aliens instead of alien.
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12 people found this helpful
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- Brynn
- 05-23-19
Ugh
This is like a cringe inducing version of Goosebumps for adults. The writing is elementary, the storytelling is childish and dull. This sounds more like video game dialogue than actual literature.
Not Happy.
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10 people found this helpful
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- Pixie Skulls
- 10-23-18
A great premises that didn’t quite deliver
I really like the idea behind this story: a “haunted forest” just appears out of nowhere and after the initial shock the people who happened to own the land it sprouted out of turn it into a tourist attraction without ever really understanding what it is or why it’s there. It has air of ‘magical realism’ where the incredible and fantastic is quickly accepted as reality and eventually considered mundane in a surreal kind of way. Unfortunately as the story progresses and the mystery of the forest is revealed that quality disappears with it and the plot becomes fairly generic and unremarkable. The only other thing this story has going for it is a considerable number of descriptions of monsters killing or at least trying to kill a lot of hapless victims - so if you're into that than this book might be for you.
One additional critique, which I normally wouldn’t make but it really stuck out to me here, is that I was very aware a man (or more accurately two men) wrote this story. Pretty much all the female characters are gratuitously sexualized by the male characters (Mark and Hannah being by far the most tedious example). The male characters never (or at least rarely) actually express these feelings but since most the story is told from the perspective of various male characters you get a ton of it through their inner monologue and after awhile it just started to wear on me. Even when a situation is entirely unsexy the potential sexual nature of the situation has to be pointed out. For example: ‘Normally Ben wouldn’t have minded Sally falling on top of him like that, but the bloody stump of her severed head sort of spoiled the moment.’ This isn’t actually from the story, but there is a lot of stuff like this. I don’t know if the writers were playing off of that whole “men think about sex every 7 seconds” thing/myth for authenticity or what, but I found this theme incredibly annoying and immersion breaking.
In terms of performance it was fine, the reader’s voice was good though occasionally a bit snarky in tone and didn’t do much to add additional horror to the overall story.
Ultimately if you are really into many different monsters killing people over and over again (Cabin in the Woods style) then this story might be for you, otherwise you’ll probably be disappointed.
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9 people found this helpful
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- PotterFans
- 09-13-18
Great performance- okay story.
Performance is very good, I just lost interest about 4-5 hours in. Maybe I had high expectations for the book, maybe i imagined it was going to be more interesting. Idk. The performance is great, and the story has a strong start but somewhere along the way I just lost interest. I hate to give a bad review and since the story does start strong I gave it 3 stars, the performance I have a 5. Very well done.
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8 people found this helpful
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- Michael L Wyatt
- 10-25-18
Fun story, great premise, quick listen.
This was a fun audio book to listen to in the pre Halloween season. A little over the top but fun premise with solid characters. Not for the faint of heart and those unwilling to suspend their disbelief.
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5 people found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 09-28-18
fun and exciting adventure
Very creative and action packed with great twist and turns. Would turn my hair white to even see a sketch of some of the creatures. Very fun and spooky read.
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5 people found this helpful