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The Haunted Forest Tour  By  cover art

The Haunted Forest Tour

By: Jeff Strand,James A. Moore
Narrated by: Joe Hempel
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Publisher's summary

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Haunted Forest Tour! Sit back, and enjoy a smooth ride in air-conditioned comfort as your heavily armored tram takes you through nature's most astonishing creation. The forest is packed to capacity with dangerous and terrifying creatures of all shapes, sizes, and hunger levels, and you'll get to observe these wonders in complete safety.

Howl with a werewolf! Gaze into the glowing eyes of a giant spider! Look right through a spooky ghost! See horrific monsters you couldn't even imagine, only inches away from you! Things with fangs, things with claws, things with dripping red jaws - you'll see them all!

Not thrilling enough? Well, it's Halloween, and so we're offering a very special tour through the Haunted Forest. The new route goes deeper into the woods than any civilians have ventured before, and you're guaranteed to get a good scare! Rest assured that every possible security precaution has been taken. The Haunted Forest Tour has a 100 percent safety record, and technical difficulties are unheard of. You will be in no danger whatsoever.

We promise.

©2007 James A. Moore and Jeff Strand (P)2018 Tantor

What listeners say about The Haunted Forest Tour

Average customer ratings
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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

WOW, just WOW. Great book!!!!

Jeff Strand and James A Moore have crafted one of the most fun gore feats ever. The body count is enormous. The Monsters are very interesting and original. I liked the Harpies. This is one ride that every horror fan should take.
The action is nonstop, no rest for the wicked or the innocent. Graphic groo and blood and guts and brains and eyeballs and...so wonderfully fun.
The best part is that you really feel a connection to the characters and want them to be safe. You understand the anguish Christopher feels, you can empathize with the choices Lee makes. Just great writing.

Joe Hempel once again brings all he has for an amazing performance. There was not a single character in here that did not have a unique voice or accent or nuance to it. Amazing job!!!

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32 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars

Right up my alley, but . . .

I know I will take a beating for this, but I don't feel like this was one of Strand's best. I usually love his books, but this one was disappointing for a number of reasons. The narration by Joe Hempel was fantastic as usual, but story wise, for me it was too much too soon. There was no suspense and no build up because everything just hit the fan right off the bat. We hardly even knew the characters before people started getting killed off in mass quantities. It was like, oh, someone else is being eaten by a monster two seconds after the last guy? Okay. In other words, no tension at all.

Character development was also comparatively bland by Strand's usual standards. There were a lot of characters here (which is good given the rate they die), but I didn't feel connected to most of them. Maybe that was intentional, to ease the disappointment at losing them? If so, I would call that part a failed experiment, because it didn't work for me.

All in all, this felt a bit like one of those late night black and white monster movies, except with 10,000 different monsters instead of one, and on speed. I guess I would still recommend you listen to it, as long as you don't expect much.

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20 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

So much fun!

Whereas I was a little surprise by the overwhelming sexism... I really enjoyed this book!
I would listen to Joe Hemple read the phone book. And despite all of the monstery goodness and ripping apart of humans, there were also parts that actually made me laugh. Very entertaining, very worth the credit, very worth the time. It was like Jurassic Park on steroids.

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17 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Great roller coaster ride, satisfying ending!

I wasn't sure what to expect when I started this book. I was pleasantly surprised. Among all the gore, I found myself rooting for the characters, and anxiously awaiting their fate. Well crafted, there are not a lot of slow moments. And I felt the ending tied everything up nicely. It's a book that really holds your attention all the way through!

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16 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

a fun ride what can I say.

so if your intro horror movie like me you can appreciate this tale. now full disclosure there is little suspense but a lot of thrill and action. Think of aliens instead of alien.

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12 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    2 out of 5 stars

Ugh

This is like a cringe inducing version of Goosebumps for adults. The writing is elementary, the storytelling is childish and dull. This sounds more like video game dialogue than actual literature.

Not Happy.

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10 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    2 out of 5 stars

A great premises that didn’t quite deliver

I really like the idea behind this story: a “haunted forest” just appears out of nowhere and after the initial shock the people who happened to own the land it sprouted out of turn it into a tourist attraction without ever really understanding what it is or why it’s there. It has air of ‘magical realism’ where the incredible and fantastic is quickly accepted as reality and eventually considered mundane in a surreal kind of way. Unfortunately as the story progresses and the mystery of the forest is revealed that quality disappears with it and the plot becomes fairly generic and unremarkable. The only other thing this story has going for it is a considerable number of descriptions of monsters killing or at least trying to kill a lot of hapless victims - so if you're into that than this book might be for you.

One additional critique, which I normally wouldn’t make but it really stuck out to me here, is that I was very aware a man (or more accurately two men) wrote this story. Pretty much all the female characters are gratuitously sexualized by the male characters (Mark and Hannah being by far the most tedious example). The male characters never (or at least rarely) actually express these feelings but since most the story is told from the perspective of various male characters you get a ton of it through their inner monologue and after awhile it just started to wear on me. Even when a situation is entirely unsexy the potential sexual nature of the situation has to be pointed out. For example: ‘Normally Ben wouldn’t have minded Sally falling on top of him like that, but the bloody stump of her severed head sort of spoiled the moment.’ This isn’t actually from the story, but there is a lot of stuff like this. I don’t know if the writers were playing off of that whole “men think about sex every 7 seconds” thing/myth for authenticity or what, but I found this theme incredibly annoying and immersion breaking.

In terms of performance it was fine, the reader’s voice was good though occasionally a bit snarky in tone and didn’t do much to add additional horror to the overall story.

Ultimately if you are really into many different monsters killing people over and over again (Cabin in the Woods style) then this story might be for you, otherwise you’ll probably be disappointed.

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9 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars

Great performance- okay story.

Performance is very good, I just lost interest about 4-5 hours in. Maybe I had high expectations for the book, maybe i imagined it was going to be more interesting. Idk. The performance is great, and the story has a strong start but somewhere along the way I just lost interest. I hate to give a bad review and since the story does start strong I gave it 3 stars, the performance I have a 5. Very well done.

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8 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Fun story, great premise, quick listen.

This was a fun audio book to listen to in the pre Halloween season. A little over the top but fun premise with solid characters. Not for the faint of heart and those unwilling to suspend their disbelief.

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5 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

fun and exciting adventure

Very creative and action packed with great twist and turns. Would turn my hair white to even see a sketch of some of the creatures. Very fun and spooky read.

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5 people found this helpful