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Ted
- An Extreme Horror Short Story
- Narrated by: Chris Barnes
- Length: 59 mins
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Publisher's summary
Ted is a character from Rotting Dead F--ks. This is a stand-alone story.
Some people are destined for greatness. They could create fantastic pieces of art to be discussed throughout the ages, they could invest something which furthers mankind, and they could even help solve world hunger or make important steps toward world peace for everyone. These people could be your friends, your neighbors, and even the person you unwittingly bumped into at the petrol station this morning. They could really be anyone - anyone, that is, except Ted.
Ted is an asshole - a psychopathic, racist human of the worst kind.
Whilst the aforementioned people push the human race forward, Ted takes them back to the Dark Ages again with his narrow-minded, idiotic views of right and wrong. Just be thankful he sees a psychiatrist. At least, if he is talking to someone about his feelings, he is less of a danger to society, right?
Wrong.
Join Ted for a day in the life of f--ked up thoughts, appointments, and hookers. And then thank God it was only a day and not longer.
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Story
It’s Christmas Day at Wilder House, and three magical winter weddings are set to begin. But as the tables are arranged, and the food is prepared, a perfect storm hits, cutting every guest from the rest of the world. Most little girls dream of the perfect wedding. But this bride stumbles alone into the snow, her silk train dragging through dirt, her hands bloody from the murder she just committed. Now there is at least one killer roaming the unforgiving landscape surrounding Wilder House. Who else will die on Christmas Day?
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a little bit of wicked fun
- By A. Bohn on 01-25-24
By: Sarah A. Denzil
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The Bedroom Window
- By: K. L. Slater
- Narrated by: Clare Corbett
- Length: 8 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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My darling little boy Albie adores playing at our new neighbours’ house. And after the terrible year we’ve had, I feel so lucky that we can start over in this perfect place, with new friends who treat Albie like the son they never had. He can’t stop talking about the tree house they’re building him, and the cookies they bake together. But as time passes, something starts to feel wrong. Why don’t they ever open the front door more than a crack? They told me they had no children so who does the small pink tricycle I saw in their hall belong to?
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Miss Lucy-price Lewis
- By Angie on 06-07-23
By: K. L. Slater
What listeners say about Ted
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Midwestbonsai
- 09-16-15
want to be disgusted very quickly, you must listen
Queue the music.
Come and listen to a story about a man named Ted,
A crazy sociopath, would rather see everyone dead,
And then one day something happened that did not compute,
This happened while he was having sex with a prostitute.
Call girl that is, hooker, street walker.
The above little jingle pretty much sums up the story of Ted.
Matt Shaw once again delivers a disturbing tale, that is up there on the vulgarity. This is the only reason I would call this a horror, much more of a psychological thriller. I did learn more than I ever wanted to about sexual terms such as, donkey punch,
Ted is a racist misogynistic sociopath that is obsessed with sex. Here Shaw takes us on a ride within the head of Ted as he has a good day. On this day Ted see’s his therapist, has sex with a prostitute and gets the scare of his life. I cannot give more detail than that without telling the whole story. I would not want to know what a bad day for Ted would be.
If you want to be disgusted very quickly, you must listen.
I am not sure how Chris Barnes can keep narrating Shaw’s books. Especially because he performs them so well. He does not just read the words, he brings them to life. In a way that makes everything seem so believable. I think that might be the most disturbing part of these audiobooks.
Audiobook provided for review by the narrator.
Please find this complete review and many others at my review blog
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11 people found this helpful
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- Dawnzilla
- 09-16-15
It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This
Ted is the story of a guy named - well - Ted. Ted is a racist, sexist jerk who originally appeared in Matt Shaw's "Rotting Dead F*cks." Not only is he all of these things, but he's a sociopath to top it off. If that doesn't make him endearing enough, he also hires prostitutes on a regular basis.
In "Ted," Ted hires a hooker after leaving his psychologist's office. The hooker he wants to hire is a tall, cute blonde and what he gets instead is a black woman. You can only imagine what happens from there.
Those who have read my reviews on this site know how much I respect Shaw as an author and Chris Barnes as a narrator. Scratch that. He's not a narrator, he's a performer. He does such an incredible job bringing this and other characters to life that you may easily forget your listening to a book and not the ramblings of a crazy man.
Remember what you're getting yourself into with this one. It even comes with a warning at the beginning. If you are easily offended by racists, misogynists, or otherwise ignorant people, or if a lot of vulgarity and sex doesn't do it for you - STAY AWAY!
However, if you like an entertaining, quality story, listen to the sample (FIRST) then, pick up your copy. It's disturbing, but a hell of a fun ride.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Jon Weimer
- 06-15-16
Darkly Funny Definitely NSFW
Much of Matt's work is darkly funny, but this one made me laugh till I cried.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 02-27-16
Racist With Good Manners
This story sort of feels like a cut scene from a larger book. Ted can only discribed as a product of Public schools education and lots of unvarified news . That said it's still funny listening to this story his line of thinking and what our writer decides the character should act on. It's got replay value.
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