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So Close to Being the Sh*t, Y'all Don't Even Know
- Narrated by: Retta
- Length: 6 hrs and 56 mins
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So Close to Being the Sh*t, Y'all Don't Even Know
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Publisher's summary
This program is read by the author.
"This book feels like a real conversation. When we enter Retta's world we are at the best party and in the hands of a gracious, self-perceptive, and deeply hilarious host." (Amy Poehler)
In this hilarious audiobook essay collection, Parks and Recreation star Retta shares the stories that led to her success in Hollywood.
In So Close to Being the Sh*t, Y'all Don't Even Know, Parks and Recreation star Retta takes us on her not-so-meteoric rise from roaches to riches (well, rich enough that she can buy $15,000 designer handbags yet scared enough to know she's always a heartbeat away from ramen with American cheese).
Throwing her hardworking Liberian parents through a loop, Retta abandons her plan to attend med school after graduating Duke University to move to Hollywood to star in her own sitcom - like her comedy heroes Lucille Ball and Roseanne.
Say what? Word. Turns out Retta might actually be on to something. After winning Comedy Central's stand-up competition, she should be ready for prime time - but a fear of success derails her biggest dream.
Whether reminiscing about her days as a contract chemist at GlaxoSmithKline, telling "dirty" jokes to Mormons, feeling like the odd man out on Parks, fending off racist trolls on Twitter, flirting with Michael Fassbender, or expertly stalking the cast of Hamilton, Retta's unique voice and refreshing honesty will make you laugh, cry, and laugh so hard you'll cry.
Her eponymous sitcom might not have happened yet, but by the end of So Close to Being the Sh*t, listeners will be rooting for Retta to be the next one-named wonder to take over your television. And she just might inspire you to reach for the stars, too.
Critic reviews
"Two things - 1) Don't yell 'Treat Yo Self' at Retta if you see her in person, a lot of people have done that already, just whisper it to yourself and give her a thumbs up. That'd be cool. 2) Check out her book. Stop reading this quote and buy it already, boo boo." (Aziz Ansari, best-selling author of Modern Romance)
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When you love a TV show and follow it for seasons, it almost feels like the characters are old friends. That's why audiobooks and podcasts by fan-favorite sitcom stars can feel so uniquely engaging and intimate. Whether they're letting you in on behind-the-scenes stories, recalling memories from their own lives and careers, or simply telling interesting or funny anecdotes, it's a joy to hear beloved actors share their points of view in their own voices.
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- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 577
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 513
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Story4 out of 5 stars 510
Complete with stories, tips, tricks, and advice from your favorite Bachelor alumni, and filled with all the juicy details Courtney fans and foes alike want to know, I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends is a must-listen for every member of Bachelor nation.
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1 out of 5 stars
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I didn't come here to make friends
- By Carolyn on 06-10-15
By: Courtney Robertson, and others
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Challenge Accepted!
- 253 Steps to Becoming an Anti-It Girl
- By: Celeste Barber
- Narrated by: Celeste Barber
- Length: 6 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,034
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 920
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 910
Part memoir, part comedy routine, part advice manual, Challenge Accepted! is Celeste at her best, revealing her secrets to love, friendship, family, and marriage (oh hai, #hothusband), and how to deal with life’s many challenges - why she checks the bath for sharks, how Nutella quite literally shaped who she is as a woman, and why being famous on Instagram is like being rich in Monopoly. It’s real, like totally, really real.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Prepare to crack up in the grocery store
- By Chicago_Mama on 05-30-19
By: Celeste Barber
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Easy for You to Say
- By: John Melendez
- Narrated by: John Melendez
- Length: 6 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 127
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 115
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Story3.5 out of 5 stars 115
Easy For You To Say is "Stuttering" John Melendez's memoir of his childhood being bullied in school for his stutter; his years as an on-air personality with The Howard Stern Show; and his subsequent 10-year career as a writer and on-air announcer for Jay Leno's Tonight Show. It details his famously acerbic relationships with celebrities he interviewed/insulted (Raquel Welch once punched him in the face). In the audiobook, Howard Stern emerges as a surprisingly mean, stingy, and megalomaniacal boss - and Jay Leno as a seeming sufferer from OCD.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Was expecting more
- By Amazon Customer on 10-25-18
By: John Melendez
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This Might Get a Little Heavy
- A Memoir
- By: Ralphie May, Nils Parker
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 269
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 234
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 235
There was a time when Ralphie May was one of the biggest stand-up comedians in the country, both by ticket sales and by tonnage. While some things changed - Ralphie lost half his body weight - others did not: He will be remembered as one of the most successful comics of his time. Completed just months before his untimely passing, in This Might Get a Little Heavy, Ralphie takes listeners on a behind-the-scenes tour of his life and career, one that winds across the country, over obstacles, beyond heartbreak, and through the golden age of stand-up.
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5 out of 5 stars
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brilliant and tragic
- By Timothy Trujillo on 08-12-18
By: Ralphie May, and others
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You're Better than Me
- A Memoir
- By: Bonnie McFarlane
- Narrated by: Bonnie McFarlane, Alexander Cendese
- Length: 7 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 290
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 266
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 263
In the spirit of Mindy Kaling, Kelly Oxford, and Sarah Silverman, a compulsively listenable and outrageously funny memoir of growing up as a fish out of water, finding your voice, and embracing your inner crazy person from popular actress, writer, and comedian Bonnie McFarlane.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Sandy!!! She wrote a book...it's crazy, a book!!!
- By Jonathan Placek on 03-02-16
By: Bonnie McFarlane
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She Memes Well
- By: Quinta Brunson
- Narrated by: Quinta Brunson
- Length: 8 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 748
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 663
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Story5 out of 5 stars 662
From comedian Quinta Brunson (creator and star of Abbott Elementary) comes a deeply personal and funny collection of essays about trying to make it when you're struggling, the importance of staying true to your roots, and how she's redefined humor online. In her debut essay collection, Quinta applies her trademark humor and heart to discuss what it was like to go from a girl who loved the World Wide Web to a girl whose face launched a thousand memes. This special Audible edition includes never-before-heard details about the making of Abbott Elementary.
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5 out of 5 stars
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That moment you know you’re a TEACHER…
- By chrissybrown on 09-19-22
By: Quinta Brunson
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Kiss and Tell
- By: Shannon Tweed, Jules McCarron
- Narrated by: Shannon Tweed
- Length: 3 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 351
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 286
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 281
In this long-awaited autobiography, one of the most beautiful women in the world tells her story, from growing up on a mink ranch in Newfoundland with six brothers and sisters to raising two children with a rock star in Beverly Hills. One of the most popular and best-known Playboy pin-ups ever, Shannon Tweed burst on the scene in the 80s as Playmate of the Year and Hugh Hefner's love interest. She soon became a successful actress, appearing in countless movies and television series.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Interesting listen.
- By KRG on 01-22-11
By: Shannon Tweed, and others
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Stories I'd Tell in Bars
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster, John Fletcher
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 360
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 322
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Story4 out of 5 stars 319
Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Older, but not wiser, Lancaster goes back to basics in this hilarious essay collection about everything from taking community policing classes to accidentally getting high with her waiter after a fancy dinner. These are the tales she'd tell if she met you in a bar... if she weren't too lazy to put on pants and go to a bar. Offering advice ranging from how to remain happily married to a man who refuses to blow his damn nose already to not creating An Incident at the cheese counter during an attempt at Whole30, she's you, only louder.
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2 out of 5 stars
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self absorbed
- By D D H on 06-15-19
By: Jen Lancaster
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The Chris Farley Show
- A Biography in Three Acts
- By: Tom Farley, Tanner Colby
- Narrated by: Therese Plummer, L. J. Ganser, Mark Boyett
- Length: 9 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 2,344
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 2,082
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 2,069
The New York Times best-selling biography of an American comedy legend. After three years of sobriety, Chris Farley's life was at its creative peak until a string of professional disappointments chased him back to drugs and alcohol. He fought hard against them, but it was a fight he would lose in December 1997. Farley's fans immediately drew parallels between his death and that of his idol, John Belushi. Without looking deeper, however, many failed to see that Farley was much more than just another Hollywood drug overdose. In this officially authorized oral history, Farley's friends and family remember his work and life.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Incredibly sad....
- By Marie B on 04-12-15
By: Tom Farley, and others
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Dirty Daddy
- The Chronicles of a Family Man Turned Filthy Comedian
- By: Bob Saget
- Narrated by: Bob Saget
- Length: 6 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 514
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 459
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 458
Millions of viewers know and love Bob Saget from his role as the sweetly neurotic father on the smash hit Full House, and as the charming wisecracking host of America's Funniest Home Videos. And then there are the legions of fans who can't get enough of his scatological, out-of-his-mind stand-up routines, comedy specials, and outrageously profane performances in such shows as HBO's Entourage and the hit documentary The Aristocrats.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Meh to the 2nd Power
- By Hilary on 06-30-14
By: Bob Saget
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Miss Fortune
- Fresh Perspectives on Having It All from Someone Who Is Not Okay
- By: Lauren Weedman
- Narrated by: Lauren Weedman
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 44
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 41
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Story4 out of 5 stars 40
Lauren Weedman is not okay. She's living what should be the good life in sunny Los Angeles. After a gig as a correspondent with The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, she scored parts in blockbuster movies, which led to memorable recurring roles on HBO's Hung and Looking. She had a loving husband and an adorable baby boy. In these comedic essays, she turns a piercingly observant, darkly funny lens on the ways her life is actually not okay.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Good
- By Ajules29 on 04-02-16
By: Lauren Weedman
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The Filthy Truth
- By: Andrew Dice Clay, David Ritz
- Narrated by: Bruce Rubenstein
- Length: 8 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 156
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 137
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 138
In this unapologetic and uncensored autobiography, Andrew Dice Clay is ready to set the record straight. He was the eighties’ answer to Lenny Bruce, with material that stretched the boundaries of decency and good taste to their breaking point, and in turn became the most vilified stand-up comic of all time.
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5 out of 5 stars
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The Diceman Returns!
- By Steven D. Sorrell on 03-26-15
By: Andrew Dice Clay, and others
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I'm the One That I Want
- By: Margaret Cho
- Narrated by: Margaret Cho
- Length: 4 hrs and 57 mins
- Abridged
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Overall3.5 out of 5 stars 159
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 74
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Story4 out of 5 stars 75
I'm the One That I Want, based on her show of the same name, is filled with dead-on insights about the experience of being a woman with attitude, of flowing with the highs and lows of life, and of creating one's own identity and acceptance. It is every bit as hilarious, shocking, and irreverent as she is.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Hilarious and deeply engrossing
- By Ling on 04-10-03
By: Margaret Cho
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Crash and Burn
- By: Artie Lange, Anthony Bozza
- Narrated by: Sean Runnette
- Length: 10 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,194
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,066
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,067
At a high point in his career, Artie Lange performed a sold-out show in Carnegie Hall-and he did it with a pocketful of heroin. In the midst of a deep, self-destructive depression, addicted to heroin, cocaine, and prescription drugs, he lashed out at everyone around him-from his cohosts on The Howard Stern Show to celebrity guests and even his longtime friends. Then came his legendary meltdown on-air, with 6 million people listening, after which Lange pulled himself together enough to go to a buddy's bachelor party in Amsterdam.
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3 out of 5 stars
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[Narrator Fail] Comic Genius+Depression+Drugs=Mess
- By Hilary on 11-07-13
By: Artie Lange, and others
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Wanna Bet?
- A Degenerate Gambler's Guide to Living on the Edge
- By: Artie Lange
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 6 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 355
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 319
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 316
The two-time best-selling author, comedian, actor, and radio icon explains the philosophy that has kept his existence boredom-free since the age of 13 - the love of risk. An avid sports better and frequent card player, Lange believes that the true gambler gets high not from winning, but from the chaotic unknown of betting itself. He recounts some of his favorite moments, many of which haven't involved money at all. In this candid and entertaining memoir, he looks back at the times he's wagered the intangible and priceless things in life: his health, his career, and his relationships.
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5 out of 5 stars
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who needs Artie (to read)
- By B. Wenners on 08-24-18
By: Artie Lange
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The Diva Rules
- Ditch the Drama, Find Your Strength, and Sparkle Your Way to the Top
- By: Michelle Visage
- Narrated by: Michelle Visage
- Length: 3 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,096
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,013
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,009
Michelle Visage is not your average diva. Powerful, positive, and polished, this diva's not only glamorous, she's a savvy businesswoman with serious credentials who works her tail off. From her days vogueing in the downtown Manhattan clubs in the '90s to her successful career in radio and her ultimate cult status as a judge on RuPaul's Drag Race, Michelle has achieved her dreams and then some!
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2 out of 5 stars
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A Whole Lot of Nothing
- By teal on 04-29-16
By: Michelle Visage
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Off with My Head
- The Definitive Basic B*tch Handbook to Surviving Rock Bottom
- By: Stassi Schroeder
- Narrated by: Stassi Schroeder
- Length: 7 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,162
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,001
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 997
The year 2020 was going to be the best year of Stassi’s life. Besides getting engaged and feeling like she was on top of the world career-wise, she bought her first house and was planning her dream Italian wedding. The future showed so much freaking promise—until it all went to hell. Stassi may not be perfect—she may have made some (major) mistakes—but she does feel like she has some insight (and plenty of hilarious tales) about getting knocked up, called out, and learning from what went wrong.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Really Wanted to Like This, But...
- By Cathie on 08-09-23
By: Stassi Schroeder
What listeners say about So Close to Being the Sh*t, Y'all Don't Even Know
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Nise
- 07-05-18
My SPIRIT person! Lol'd the whole way through it!!
Fun to listen too. I could just imagine the faces she was making telling these stories!!! Laughed out loud a lot!!!
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4 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Joel Poole
- 06-29-18
So good
Aaammmmazing so glad I got this book. Must read for summer road trip. Motivation must read
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- jacqueline gibson
- 06-27-18
Good listen
Just started it. Very funny and realistic. love it so far! Cant wait to finish it. Already 4 chapters in.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- ordeyf
- 08-13-18
Born a Star
love is not enough. you were born to be a star. born greatness. i laughed, cried and almost pee'd more than once. your read and personally shines in this book. BEST BOOK I HAVE LISTENED TO!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- She'sAlive!
- 09-28-18
So good, so good, so good
I’ve listened to this book multiple times. It’s great to hear someone tell their story in a way that’s honest and relatable.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Tasha Martin
- 04-08-19
Best Performance of an Audiobook...
should be an award at all the award shows in Hollywood and Retta should win it EVERY! TIME!
So glad I decided to listen to this book instead of read it. The writing is already delightful, but Retta brings a level of joy to her reading I've not yet experienced in an audiobook.
If I had read this book, I would have gone through the rest of my life searching for a Rosebud I didn't even know I was looking for and didn't know I was missing. It would have been sad and full of miserable longing. And I wouldn't have had a clue how to fill that need. Retta's performance of this book is everything I never knew I always needed in my life.
Retta doesn't just read - she PERFORMS. And you feel like you're sitting with her listening to her tell some stories. It's like being besties with the class clown, who just happens to love Hamilton as much as you do. Do yourself a favor. Listen to Retta read the book. SRSLY. (Listen to this book. You'll see what I did there.) :)
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Victoria Lealao
- 07-13-18
Love Retta's "read'
loved it so much I had to listen to chapters over and over. obsessed with her. . .
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- MichelM
- 07-29-19
Highly recommend this one!
I so loved listening to this every morning. It was hilariously motivating all at once.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
- Kyle Winnick
- 11-24-18
so funny
I loved this so much. I feel like we are friends. what an amazing woman
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Maggie Christ
- 08-06-18
Retta is my hero
Y’all know Retta is amazing but this book made her even cooler. She shares real stories and jokes and you feel like she’s your best friend as you listen. Loved every second. Sad it’s over.
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