Sex, Love, and Addiction  By  cover art

Sex, Love, and Addiction

By: Robert Weiss PhD MSW
  • Summary

  • On Sex, Love, and Addiction, Dr. Rob Weiss, sex therapist and author of a dozen books on sex and relationship healing, interviews global experts like Dr’s. Sue Johnson, Harville Hendrix, Dr. Stan Tatkin, and Helen Fisher, Dr. Kenneth Adams among others. This podcast features robust discussions focused on healing from chronic infidelity, cheating, porn, and sex addiction, along with the pain of relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob is Chief Clinical Officer for Seeking integrity Treatment Centers. He is a 30-year licensed therapist, a Ph.D. sexologist, and author Sex Addiction 101, Prodependence, and Out of the Doghouse, among other books. This podcast is dedicated to bringing information, advice, and direction from experts around the world to those seeking answers to some of life’s most challenging questions.
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Episodes
  • Part 2: Voices of Hope For, and By, Women Who Have Been Betrayed
    Mar 16 2024

    Annie and Melissa are two women who have experienced deep marital betrayal in their relationship. The signs weren’t always clear as to what was actually going on, but when the wool had been pulled over their eyes, the amount of emotions, judgment, and pain they experienced took a long time to recover from. This episode is part two of these two women sharing their very personal story of how they found out about their husbands’ addictions and how they got through it.

    TAKEAWAYS:

    [3:15] Hindsight is 20/20. These are real and raw emotions and unfortunately, it’s difficult to hide or protect your children from what’s happening within your household.

    [4:20] Melissa shares the reactions her friends and family had after they realized what was going on in her marriage.

    [4:45] Annie found out that she had friends who loved her, but this topic was very difficult for them to handle.

    [6:45] Did Annie’s husband’s porn use affect their intimate life?

    [12:55] When Melissa joined a support group, it was the first time she felt validated and like she wasn’t going through this journey alone.

    [23:45] Guess what, an addict can lie to their therapist! And some therapists eat it all up.

    [30:50] Melissa knew for many years something was wrong but she just didn’t know what. Those years were painful; to constantly doubt herself.

    [33:40] The work betrayed spouses have to go through to heal is very different from what an addict has to go through to make amends.

    [39:15] How did Melissa and Annie meet? They’re so grateful for each other and their support!

    RESOURCES:

    Sex and Relationship Healing

    @RobWeissMSW

    Sex Addiction 101

    Seeking Integrity

    Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men

    Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

    Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss

    Jasonvr.com

    Jason on LinkedIn

    Get Past Your Past

    QUOTES:

    • “You trust your spouse and it’s something that you never expected to happen. I never expected to find what I found.”

    • “I knew my friends were trustworthy, but I couldn’t go to my friends and be like, ‘guess what I discovered now’. At least, I couldn’t.”

    • “I will never be grateful this happened to me, but I am grateful that because it happened to me, I have made life-long friends.”

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    48 mins
  • Part 1: Voices of Hope For, and By, Women Who Have Been Betrayed
    Mar 15 2024

    Annie and Melissa are two women who have experienced deep marital betrayal in their relationship. The signs weren’t always clear as to what was going on, but when the wool had been pulled over their eyes, the amount of emotions, judgment, and pain they experienced took a long time to recover from. These two women share their stories and also share why they decided to stay with their husbands and support them in their addiction.

    TAKEAWAYS:

    [2:15] Today we hear from two women who have gone through painful marital betrayal.

    [2:45] Why did these two women agree to come on and share their painful story today?

    [3:50] When Melissa first found out about the betrayal, she didn’t see light at the end of the tunnel. Today, she does.

    [6:25] Melissa really felt like everything in her relationship was good…until it wasn’t.

    [13:00] What made Melissa throw her husband out of the house?

    [14:50] What is betrayal trauma and why do so many partners experience it after finding out about their spouses affairs?

    [20:00] Why did Annie stay in her relationship?

    [20:55] When discovery happened, Annie had been married nearly 29 years.

    [27:25] Dr. Rob defines what ‘porn’ means these days. It’s not just looking at a naked image anymore!

    [28:50] Guys look at porn, what’s the big deal?

    [31:15] Melissa’s husband would minimize her concerns when he was ‘out late’. She knew something was wrong, but couldn’t quite put her finger on why or what.

    [32:45] Melissa’s husband is now upset at himself that he missed so much of his children’s lives because of his addiction.

    [36:40] Annie shares that when people found out about her husband’s addiction, all the attention went to him. That’s when she felt so alone.

    [38:30] Annie felt a second betrayal from her husband’s CSAT. She was dismissed in her feelings and she had no support!

    [40:40] Melissa knew in her gut that something was wrong, so she snooped through his phone. When she found out all the lies and betrayal, she screamed so loud at him that it woke her children up.

    [41:15] Melissa found out that their couple’s therapist knew about some of his betrayals and kept this information from her. Dr. Rob said this behavior was a violation of trust for a couple’s therapist. If you’re a therapist, don’t do this!

    RESOURCES:

    Sex and Relationship Healing

    @RobWeissMSW

    Sex Addiction 101

    Seeking Integrity

    Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men

    Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

    Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss

    Jasonvr.com

    Jason on LinkedIn

    Get Past Your Past

    QUOTES:

    • “Anything that’s kept secret from the relationship is a betrayal. It doesn’t matter if it’s with a person or not. It’s all kept secrets and it’s all painful.”

    • “Decades ago, when women left their husbands, they were scorned. Now, when we stay, they don’t understand.”

    • “Just because he screws up doesn’t mean I’m going to throw my lift under a bus.”

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    44 mins
  • Going to Therapy Doesn’t Have to Be Impossible with Jason VanRuler
    Feb 15 2024

    Jason VanRuler is a therapist, coach, speaker, and author dedicated to impacting those who make an impact. His first book, Get Past Your Past, is all about establishing a mindset of emotional health and resilience to find lasting wholeness. In this episode, Jason shares his personal self-development journey, why going to therapy is so difficult for so many people, and why our natural inclination is to hurt others; intentionally or not. 

     

    TAKEAWAYS:

    [4:15] A little bit about Jason and how he became a therapist.  

    [10:10] Due to Jason’s rough upbringing, he knew he had to work on himself first before helping others.

    [14:40] Jason explains the reason why he likes to host outdoor retreats and how it helps with the healing process.

    [21:30] Best way to change your past and maladaptive behaviors is by surrounding yourself with different people. 

    [22:05] It’s important to be honest with yourself and really benchmark where you’re currently are. 

    [25:15] The more successful we get, the less likely we become surrounded by people who tell us the truth. 

    [30:15] Therapists are truth tellers and this is why going to therapy is so hard. 

    [37:45] There was a time in Jason’s life where going to therapy seemed impossible. 

    [38:45] What can we do today that empowers a better story? 

    [40:45] Have a question for Jason? Reach out! 

     

    RESOURCES:

    Sex and Relationship Healing

    @RobWeissMSW

    Sex Addiction 101 

    Seeking Integrity

    Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men 

    Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

    Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss

    Jasonvr.com

    Jason on LinkedIn

    Get Past Your Past

     

    QUOTES:

    • “We aspire to have something that only a different community will give us. If don’t have a different community, our current one just keeps us in the same spot.”

    • “Be honest with where you’re at. So many times we fantasize how we want it to look.”

    • “I think people always hurt people. Always. I don’t think people have gotten out of life without hurting other people, sometimes it’s intentional and sometimes it’s not. ”

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    44 mins

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Best free lesson in sex addiction!

This podcast had been so helpful during my husband's relapse in sex addiction. We've been married ten years. Over the course of the last year he relapsed( he was recovering and his behavior was wonderful until then). I knew he was a recovering sex addict but watching him return to acting out was a crazy experience. This podcast has been a great education. Has really helped me keep my head above water. Please listen if you are struggling with addiction in your life or relationship!!!

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Thank you!

Thank you for this valuable resource! It has been so healing on my journey towards wholeness.

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