The Gaslight Effect

How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life

By: Dr. Robin Stern

Narrated by: Nan McNamara

Length: 9 hrs and 34 mins

Publisher's summary

Are You Being Gaslighted?

Check for these telltale signs:

• You constantly second-guess yourself.
• You wonder, "Am I being too sensitive?" a dozen times a day.
• You wonder frequently if you are a "good enough" girlfriend/wife/employee/friend/daughter.
• You have trouble making simple decisions.
• You think twice before bringing up innocent topics of conversation.
• You frequently make excuses for your partner's behavior to friends and family.
• Before your partner comes home from work, you run through a checklist in your head to anticipate anything you might have done wrong that day.
• You buy clothes for yourself, furnishings for your apartment, or other personal purchases thinking about what your partner would like instead of what would make you feel great.
• You actually start to enjoy the constant criticism, because you think, "What doesn't kill me will make me stronger."
• You start speaking to your husband through his secretary so you don't have to tell him things you're afraid might upset him.
• You start lying to avoid the put-downs and reality twists.
• You feel as though you can't do anything right.
• You frequently wonder if you're good enough for your lover.
• Your kids start trying to protect you from being humiliated by your partner.
• You feel hopeless and joyless.

Your husband crosses the line in his flirtations with another woman at a dinner party. When you confront him, he asks you to stop being insecure and controlling. After a long argument, you apologize for giving him a hard time.

Your boss backed you on a project when you met privately in his office, and you went full steam ahead. But at a large gathering of staff - including yours - he suddenly changes his tune and publicly criticizes your poor judgment. When you tell him your concerns for how this will affect your authority, he tells you that the project was ill-conceived and you'll have to be more careful in the future. You begin to question your competence.

Your mother belittles your clothes, your job, your friends, and your boyfriend. But instead of fighting back as your friends encourage you to do, you tell them that your mother is often right and that a mature person should be able to take a little criticism.

If you think things like this can't happen to you, think again. Gaslighting is when someone wants you to do what you know you shouldn’t and to believe the unbelieveable. It can happen to you and it probably already has.

How do we know? If you consider answering “yes” to even one of the following questions, you’ve probably been gaslighted:

Does your opinion of yourself change according to approval or disapproval from your spouse?

When your boss praises you, do you feel as if you could conquer the world?

Do you dread having small things go wrong at home — buying the wrong brand of toothpaste, not having dinner ready on time, a mistaken appointment written on the calendar?

Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional abuse and manipulation that is difficult to recognize and even harder to break free from. That’s because it plays into one of our worst fears — of being abandoned — and many of our deepest needs: to be understood, appreciated, and loved. In this groundbreaking guide, the prominent therapist Dr. Robin Stern shows how the Gaslight Effect works and tells you how to turn up your Gaslight Radar, so you know when a relationship is headed for trouble.

Includes a bonus PDF of appendices from the book.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2007 Dr. Robin Stern (P)2018 Random House Audio

Critic reviews

"Compassionate and honest in equal parts, The Gaslight Effect is like a sturdy, truth-telling friend in difficult times. Robin Stern will show you you're not alone in your toxic relationship, and she'll also help you identify your role and how to change - and be a stronger, wiser person as a result." (Rachel Simmons, best-selling author of Odd Girl Out)

"An essential survival tool. In a clear, comforting, and sophisticated voice, therapist Robin Stern takes her psychologically abused readers on a step-by-step journey that will help them take control of their lives and their destinies." (Phyllis Chesler, PhD, author of Woman's Inhumanity To Woman)

THE ORIGINAL: STILL A GREAT PLACE TO START

'GASLIGHTING' is a common term these days. Few know what it means. This author coined the term. bIf your curious about this concept, start here.

Gender examples need updating

Great information. However, the book reinforces the stereotype that the male is predominantly the gaslighter and the female is the victim. This concern is briefly addressed in the beginning of the book. However, men also fall prey to this type of emotional abuse and this should be illustrated in the provided example throughout the book.

Excellent book audio

You need a lot of courage to read this book if you are a man. Give yourself room to change and grace to relearn and undo. Great book!

Amazing!

It’s the most amazing book I’ve read.
Easy to understand. Easy to listen.
Keep your eyes open!
🥰

Life changing

So helpful for me, and really great narrator. So often the narrator is a huge distraction, but the book and the narrator go well together.

I prefer writers who don't politically polarize

Russian collusion & pretending not to spy while spying are also gaslighting. Politics are rough and should stay out of these kinds of books. I'm surprised she didn't balance the political climate or better yet, leave it out. I feel gaslighted. Such a wonderful opportunity to address real emotional safety to all of us in all walks of life.

Great Book!

I love that it has a lot of different examples of what gaslighting can look like! i also enjoyed the steps to turn off the gas if you find yourself being gaslighted.

Eye opener

This book has truly helped me in knowing what I really already knew about my relationship but putting it more in prospective for me and knowing that I’m not crazy. I have finally left my very toxic relationship and am no longer trying to get his approval or to get him to not think all the terrible things he says I am. I’m at peace and I feel free, like I can breath again and start loving myself like I did before this relationship. It’s not easy by any means bc I have 2 beautiful little girls with him but I know how I was before, loving, funny, outgoing and not scared to speak to people in fear that I’m being accused of flirting or the other flirting and being torn down over a simple hi. I deserve so much more than what I let into my life and I have so much to give. I really really needed this book on so many levels and will probably listen again just to remind myself!

Educational

I found it very educational right on and a great book ! For all to read

excellent!

This book is helpful! it made me understand alot of thing's I've never understood before and opened my eye's up to new possibilities.