The Gardener and the Carpenter

What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children

By: Alison Gopnik

Narrated by: Erin Bennett

Length: 8 hrs and 51 mins

Publisher's summary

Caring deeply about our children is part of what makes us human. Yet the thing we call "parenting" is a surprisingly new invention. In the past 30 years, the concept of parenting and the multibillion-dollar industry surrounding it have transformed child care into obsessive, controlling, and goal-oriented labor intended to create a particular kind of child and therefore a particular kind of adult.

In The Gardener and the Carpenter, pioneering developmental psychologist and philosopher Alison Gopnik argues that the familiar 21st-century picture of parents and children is profoundly wrong - it's not just based on bad science, it's bad for kids and parents, too. Drawing on the study of human evolution and her own cutting-edge scientific research into how children learn, Gopnik shows that although caring for children is profoundly important, it is not a matter of shaping them to turn out a particular way. Children are designed to be messy and unpredictable, playful and imaginative, and very different both from their parents and from each other. The variability and flexibility of childhood lets them innovate, create, and survive in an unpredictable world. "Parenting" won't make children learn - but caring parents let children learn by creating secure, loving environments.

©2016 Alison Gopnik (P)2016 Audible, Inc.

Critic reviews

"Narrator Erin Bennett commendably presents this unique audiobook on raising children. Alison Gopnik, an expert on children's development, lambasts the current style of parenting, which she calls the 'carpenter method' because it relies on an established blueprint (as in making a chair) to produce a successful but predictable child who also excels at test taking. Gopnik prefers the 'gardener approach,' which gives the child love, encouragement, and freedom to play and imagine, which she says results in a more creativity. Bennett's delivery of Gopnik's passionate argument is appealing and easy to understand. She also captures Gopnik's subtle humor and supporting quotes from experts. The moving conclusion comes full circle as it discusses end-of-life commitments that adult children have to their elderly parents." ( AudioFile Magazine)

wonderful insight to children

this book had some wonderful insight into children. it helped me understand my own children, how they're growing and learning and because I now have a better understanding I can be a better parent.

Stop Parenting and Be a Parent

Would you listen to The Gardener and the Carpenter again? Why?

Yes - the book makes a strong case for being a parent to your children rather than parenting them toward your own specific end. It's definitely a message to hear and appreciate more than once.

Who was your favorite character and why?

The author talks about her experience as a grandmother throughout the book, which is a nice backdrop to the scientific understanding of the parent-child relationship.

What does Erin Bennett bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

Erin conveys some of the coy remarks well - I'm not sure they would have stood out as clearly in the text.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

I like this book in snippets - listening all in one sitting wouldn't do it justice.

Any additional comments?

Alison Gopnik is quoted so frequently in other books. It was nice to hear her voice directly - she has a wisdom about her work that other authors miss entirely.

Enlightening and enjoyable.

Dr. Gopnik makes the point that raising children involves assisting them as best we can to grow according to their needs and the needs of their time not ours. I think she's identified an essential ingredient to good parenting.

Dr. Gopnik made it obvious that if every generation takes the stage of being in charge under unique circumstances. And, if those unique circumstances require unique adaptive ingenuity to survive. Then, the place of parenting in the overall socialization process does well to acknowledge and incorporate this philosophy.

Hence the title which reflects these ideas by way of metaphor. Parents should see themselves more as gardeners than carpenters. The former lets be to the plant but protects, nurtures, and cultivates it. Optimal growth is promoted by providing an optimal growth environment. So too with children growing to become adults in work and love.

The carpenter on the other hand has a finished product in mind where conformity to the plans is valued. The metaphor here involves one of nailing and sawing and sanding and polishing children into what we their parents have determined they should be.

A truly child centered approach includes recognizing and controlling for our own fears associated with personal ignorance of emerging technology.

It will be remembered that Erikson's message on identity formation emphasizes mastery of the technology of the society involved (his studies explored how adolescent Plains and Northwest Indian tribes were differentially impacted when westward expansion and waste destroyed the Buffallo on the plains and Fishing and Barter in the Noerthwest. A recent study has published this year indicating that our children today who had hand held devices in their hands from before they could talk actually have more capacity to delay gratification in the famous Marshmallow Test.

A great book which makes an extremely complex subject enjoyable and informative.

Antidote for control freaks

What did you like best about this story?

Only wish I had read this when my kids were younger. Neuroscience confirms what you perhaps knew intuitively but couldn't wholly embrace because of conflicting anxieties and compulsions bred by the pervasive ideology of modern parenting: This is the ultimate antidote to hyper-competitive, control-freakish neurotic parenting. Read it and breath a sigh of relief as your garden flourishes with nothing more than nurturing soil and light tending.

sometimes too repetitive

I really liked the perspective it gives to parenting and being a parent but sometimes the story got a little repetitive. it was a good book though.

Life changing book

One of the top five books I’ve ever read and it certainly had an impact on me. I really relate to the Carpenter/gardener analogy. Highly recommended

An important work

Any additional comments?

This is the best book on child development I have seen. Much of what is practice today is based on faulty assumptions and this includes the experts who are working from disproved models that are 50 years old.

Too much of a summary of experimental work

While the topic very interesting for parents, the material from the experimemts dominates the book way too much at the expense of possible guidelines on how parents could change their attitude once they buy into the key paradigm that gardener is better than carpenter. It opens the eyes of willing parents (which is great nits own) but leaves it with that it seems.

some good nuggets to think on

I found lots of insightful stories and perspectives. My spouse (psychology minor) found it all very obvious and long winded. So, 4 stars in the middle.

gardeners and carpenters

possibly the very best book I have read about how children learn and the generational progress. I would recommend this book to anybody who loves children and wants to understand their learning patterns. A must read