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Publisher's Summary

While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence our anger, to deny it entirely, or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless.

In this vivid, engaging and eminently wise work, Dr. Lerner teaches women to identify the true sources of anger and to use anger as a powerful vehicle for creating meaningful and lasting change. The challenge of anger is at the heart of our struggle with intimacy, self-esteem, and joy. The Dance of Anger has inspired more "You changed my life" stories from both women and men than perhaps any other best seller on the American scene today.

©1985 Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. (P)1997, 2004 HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

Critic Reviews

"An inspirational message for all women....Like a family heirloom, it can be passed from generation to generation, as it is based on profound and lasting truths." (Peggy Papp, M.S.W., The Ackerman Institute for Family Therapy)

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

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  • 4 out of 5 stars
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    51
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Performance

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Story

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Sort by:
  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Sharon
  • Brea, CA, USA
  • 04-28-03

Very helpful audiobook

This book was recommended to me by my counselor and fortunately I found it on audible.com! My counselor said that she thought it was very psychologically sound and that kind of thing. As far as I know (I'm no psychologist however), that's right.

The narrator (author) has a slight accent and her voice isn't exactly lively or full of enthusiasm, but it's certainly not boring once you listen to it for a while. I didn't fall asleep or start tuning out the narrator when I was listening.

I found this book really interesting and helpful. It gave me a lot of insight on how to deal with anger and with people that I have conflicts with. It talks about relationships between couples a lot but I'm not married and I still found the advice helpful for dealing with family members, roommates (in college), and other people I know.

For me, it was a book I had to take in small doses. I couldn't listen to it in consecutive days when I went running as I do with other audiobooks (primarily novels) because I needed time to digest things that I heard. Psychology isn't as easy for me to take in large doses as it is for me to take in novels and stories.

Another thing is that I am a really visual learner and for a book like this, I would probably find it more helpful to read it in book form so I could highlight certain parts and go back to it when I need to later on. I don't usually listen to really information packed stuff and remember it all that well. But I'm still glad I bought the audiobook because it was a good way to get through the book quickly even though I can't remember all the advice I got from it. I got to listen to it all and maybe later I'll buy the book and then go back an reread it slowly, underlining stuff and processing it and applying it slowly. But who knows, maybe if I listen to it a couple times I'll be able to get it as ingrained into my system as I would by physically reading it.

16 of 16 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Ann
  • Vancouver,BC
  • 12-24-08

Dance of Anger

The audio missed to much of the book to be understood. We need an unabridged version of the book.

15 of 15 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

The Dance of Anger

This is probably a must-read (or must-listen) for every woman. As with all things in psychology, it is the study of the obvious, except that human beings don't see the obvious when it is right in front of our noses. I found it remarkably helpful, and will listen to it again.

The book has different stories used as examples, and moves quickly. It is read by the author, who has a somewhat flat voice, but one could easily imagine sitting listening to her, a real person, giving a talk on this, and she often interjects comments which sound as if they are not in the script.

After I heard this, I felt buoyant, because she so clearly described feelings that I have struggled with, and gave straightforward suggestions for dealing with those feelings. She is not talking about mental illness here, but about the way women in our society do not deal with anger in a way that helps us to better negotiate our lives. I thought her ideas and presentation were terrific.

7 of 7 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Tricia
  • Saint Petersburg, FL, USA
  • 06-04-09

This book changed my life

This book was recommended to me. I have ADD so books are hard to read so I bought this in audio form. It's easy to listen to. But everything makes so much sense. It changed all my relationships for the better, even the ones that I didn't think needed to be fixed. I recommend it to anyone with relationship issues, whether it's your parent/child relationship, inlaw relationship, husband/wife relationship, sibling relationship, etc.

4 of 4 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Great book for anyone who is struggling

If you could sum up The Dance of Anger in three words, what would they be?

Helps take accountability. Any person who struggles with anger knows that the struggle is inside yourself, not with others. This book, which I'm sure I will come back to many times in my life, helps you take accountability for your actions in a healthy way.

3 of 3 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Great starting point.

The author gives great advice on determining one's place in triangles and other family dynamics. She also shares steps to take in healing and possible reactions from those around us.

3 of 3 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars

Good info, rough narrator

I'm male and this book was suggested for me anyway, and I'm glad I listened to it. I both benefited from it personally and I was able to understand the woman's perspective within a marriage/family dynamic better.

The author was also the narrator and that was pretty rough. Otherwise it was well worth the listen.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

Great book!

Full of examples to help apply to your life.
I would highly recommend this book to everyone. Angry is a tricky thing and this book helps people use it in a healthy way. And since everyone has or should feel anger in their life, this is applicable to all.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Teresa
  • Lee, NH, United States
  • 02-07-13

good but missing the exercises

Where does The Dance of Anger rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

It was among my favorites

Who was your favorite character and why?

I liked the author's realistic perspective

What three words best describe Harriet Lerner’s voice?

authentic, unrehearsed, familiar

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

Many of the situations were familiar

Any additional comments?

I think it would be helpful to keep this in a rotation to listen to regularly. Very helpful advice.
At the end of the audio she mentions exercises you could do, but they're not included in the audio version.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars

Buy the book, not audible

Audible does not give you "Tasks for the daring and courageous " that I feel would have been helpful and its more expensive than the book.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
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  • SSW
  • 03-15-16

Does not follow the book

I downloaded the audible to listen along whilst reading the book. The audible misses huge sections out and is therefore too brief. Dissappointed overall.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
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    1 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
  • Mark
  • 09-19-16

not very pleaseant voice

the book was good, but it was very difficult to listen to the voice of the author.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
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    1 out of 5 stars
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    1 out of 5 stars
  • Rebekah
  • 04-11-18

Wish I listened to the Sample beforehand

I struggle to finish this book, for me narrators voice was very off putting as being dyslexic I really rely on audible as reading is such a struggle.

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
  • Carol
  • 05-24-17

highly recommend

Really valuable and helpful information presented in a clear and relatable way. Gave me a healthy way to view my anger and that of my partner as well as other important relationships.

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
  • Rheannen
  • 07-17-16

Great Content and Approachable Narration

Would you listen to The Dance of Anger again? Why?

I would definitely listen to this book again.
Lerner provides very helpful examples and advice for analysing our moments of anger and turning the scenario around to allow the recognition of anger create constructive changes in our lives and our relationships with other.
Her narration is natural and engaging, and there were some moments that made me laugh.
I genuinely enjoyed listening to this book and will probably go back to it in order to keep remembering her tips.

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
  • Beaulah Pragg
  • 06-27-16

Confronting and brilliant

I had been feeling pretty stuck, then I listened to this book and realized I was experiencing a similar situation to many of her examples. I've already begun to apply what I've learned and noticed a change.