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Publisher's Summary

The wounds inflicted by an "unsafe" person can go deep. If you've ever been in a relationship where you were used, abused, or abandoned, then Safe People is for you. It will help you make wise choices in relationships from friendships to romance. You'll discover why good people can get tangled in bad relationships. And you'll learn how to avoid repeating your own mistakes and how to pick safe, healthy people for the friends you make and the company you keep. Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend share expert insights that will help you:

  • Correct things within you that jeopardize your relational security
  • Learn the 20 traits of unsafe people
  • Recognize what makes people trustworthy
  • Avoid unhealthy relationships
  • Become a safe person yourself

©1995 Henry Cloud and John Townsend (P)2009 Zondervan

What members say

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Excellent analysis of Safe and Unsafe People

Nota Bene: this book is written by Christian therapists who look at things (at least in this book) from a Christian point of view. That said, if you are a Christian, you will find this analysis exceedingly useful. If you are not a Christian, I would imagine that you could still find the book useful, although, you might get annoyed by the constant references to God and what God wants for our lives. It depends on your tolerance for that kind of talk, I think.

That said, I (as a Christian) found this book to be SO helpful, I have listened to it at least ten times since I bought it about a month ago. I will listen to a chapter, then listen again and again, taking notes and trying to remember the endless amounts of good advice and analysis provided.

This book is split into parts, with lots of lists (something I loved).

The first part discusses in detail the characteristics of Unsafe People.
The second part analyzes why we befriend Unsafe People.
The third part discusses the characteristics of Safe People, how to become one, and how to befriend them.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who has trouble making and keeping friendships with people who make them feel good and happy, and who help them to be the best people they can be. You need this book if most of your friends are dysfunctional people (aren't we all) who persist in their dysfunction, instead of who seek to grow and move out of their harmful ways. Or for those who have simply given up on trying to make new friends because they have been let down so many times, they just don't see the point anymore.

This book is for you.

As for the reader, he does a fantastic job of reading this book, even going to the point of using different voices for other men, women, or children. It's actually quite endearing. He does a great job of capturing the emotion behind the author's words, but without being maudlin. Great job, reader!

26 of 27 people found this review helpful

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  • ria
  • lodi, NJ, United States
  • 10-02-12

excellent for learning about yourself and others

Where does Safe People rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

I have listened to many audiobooks for learning about myself and others, this is by far up there with my top 3

8 of 8 people found this review helpful

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Great insight with helpful action steps.

Where does Safe People rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

This is one of the most helpful self-help audiobooks I've listened to.

What was one of the most memorable moments of Safe People?

“When we ask we are owning our needs. Asking for love, comfort or understanding is a transaction between two people. You are saying: I have a need. It's not your problem. It's not your responsibility. You don't have to respond, but I'd like something from you. This frees the other person to connect with you freely and without obligation. When we own that our needs are our responsibility we allow others to love us because we have something to offer. Asking is a far cry from demanding. When we demand love, we destroy it.”

How did the narrator detract from the book?

The narrator's over-dramatization and use of different voices (most of which sounded like they were drunk or derranged) for every little case example was odd for a self-help book. It was a little distracting and very perplexing but did not ruin the book.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

No- too much to absorb in one sitting.

Any additional comments?

This is from a Christian perspective but still has valuable insight to offer a non-Christian.

6 of 6 people found this review helpful

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  • Linette
  • Woodbury, MN, United States
  • 11-28-11

A big help to my life

I have listened to this book over and over again as it has really helped me to move forward from my most recent breakup. I was devasted by the breakup and it made me to be able to question my character decernment. I needed help and this book is like haveing a counsler in your back pocket, when you need it. I will use these principles to seek out a new relationship. Normally, I would have retreated from relationships but now I am not afraid to move forward and be open to finding the love i deserve. I will seek out safe people and become a safe person as well

13 of 14 people found this review helpful

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Safe Relationships

If you could sum up Safe People in three words, what would they be?

This book should have been called Safe Relationships because it applies to any kind of relationship you might have in your life as well as the ones you are considering for the long term. Great book but I wish I had the hard copy to refer back to although this was easier to flip between the chapters than most.

4 of 4 people found this review helpful

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  • Papa Wade
  • Lakeland, Florida, United States
  • 04-16-13

Excellent read on discernmet of relationships

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

Yes, because with a busy scheduled, I am able to get more time doing other things while listening.

What other book might you compare Safe People to and why?

Boundaries set to basis for this book on relationships with examples, which are necessary in getting the average person to understand to points made.

What’s an idea from the book that you will remember?

Understanding relationships which are not open to honesty show themselves as always positioning themselves superior or focusing all the attention on to themselves. Healthy relationship know how to receive each other as equals and yet remain with their separate identities and sustainable lives apart from each other.

Any additional comments?

This book is a must read for people who are humble, and willing to open themselves up to healthy relations directed by the Holy Spirit to the Glory of God and not man.

3 of 3 people found this review helpful

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great book with lots of insight and advice

great book with lots of knowledge on being a safe person and knowing how to deal with unsafe people

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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Great Insights

Am reading with friends and from this book we know we have issues. This books is helping us cultivate healthy relationships

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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if you are ready to go deeper

if you want healthier relationships this book is for you, looking both within and outside of you.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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Making a Better Choice of Friends

I would definitely recommend this book! Has helped me make better decisions on selecting safe people. Great Narrator!

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Ingríd Fáro
  • 11-30-14

Good very Good

What made the experience of listening to Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't the most enjoyable?

If you can ignore the very annoying God God God talk, there is Great wisdom there.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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  • Emma
  • 07-10-16

Christian Propaganda

What disappointed you about Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't?

If you enjoyed bible study class in pre-school then this book is for you. If you think the sum of human knowledge is expressed in psalms, stuff the good lord and his PR people said you'll enjoy this almost as much as the Bible, maybe more because it's basically a recap. If however, like me, you've been fooled into thinking this book contains any psychological, clinical, or therapeutic advice at all, then not so much. Or at all. It might make you angry because despite claiming to be good Christians, these guys won't give you your money back and unless you own a time machine, you won't get that back either.

What could Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend have done to make this a more enjoyable book for you?

Not referencing Jesus, the bible or what their god has planned for me in every single paragraph would be a great start. Emblazoning the cover with a disclaimer like WARNING THIS IS RELIGIOUS PROPAGANDA MASQUERADING AS A SELF-HELP PSYCHOLOGY BOOK would be a close second.

How did the narrator detract from the book?

It's hard to detract from absolute drivel.

What character would you cut from Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't?

The authors, the publishers and anyone who conspired to make this happen. Can I get my money back please?

Any additional comments?

Just don't expect to learn anything about psychology from this book. I get that it's not an academic tome but why is it sold as non-fiction?<br/>Even to the layperson, there is just no practical application to any of this, beyond leave it to Jesus, he has a plan for you.<br/>

0 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Stuart
  • 12-04-17

Very useful

I first heard about this book through another by the same authors - Boundaries in Marriage.

I have found this book to be very practical and helpful in helping me deal with relational issue,ms, by looking at myself first.

The authors clarify that ending a relationship is not a form of boundary setting, and they provide ways to help to determine if a relationship can be salvaged. More often than not, there are ways to come back from the edge and to set healthy boundaries.