Mating in Captivity

Reconciling the Erotic & the Domestic

By: Esther Perel

Narrated by: Esther Perel

Length: 8 hrs and 8 mins

Publisher's summary

Esther Perel takes on tough questions, grappling with the obstacles and anxieties that arise when our quest for secure love conflicts with our pursuit of passion. She invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home.

In her 20 years of clinical experience, Perel has treated hundreds of couples whose home lives are empty of passion. They describe relationships that are open and loving, yet sexually dull. What is going on?

In this explosively original book, Perel explains that our cultural penchant for equality, togetherness, and absolute candor is antithetical to erotic desire for both men and women. Sexual excitement doesn't always play by the rules of good citizenship. It is politically incorrect. It thrives on power plays, unfair advantages, and the space between self and other. More exciting, playful, even poetic sex is possible, but first we must kick egalitarian ideals and emotional housekeeping out of our bedrooms.

While Mating in Captivity shows why the domestic realm can feel like a cage, Perel's take on bedroom dynamics promises to liberate, enchant, and provoke. Flinging the doors open on erotic life and domesticity, she invites us to put the "X" back in sex.

©2006 Esther Perel (P)2006 HarperCollins Publishers

Critic reviews

"As revelatory as it is straightforward....Perel sanctions fantasy and play and offers the estranged modern couple a unique richness of experience." (Publishers Weekly)

Every adult needs this book!

Married, single, other; You need this book! It explains everything. It gives so much insight into relationships, monogamous or otherwise. It honestly helps me understand myself more than anything.

Effortless Listen

I loved this book from beginning, middle and end! Esther's use of common relational circumstances, coupled with practical advice. Had me revaluating my patterns to the point that I would recommend this book to anyone in need of a new perspective on their relationship.

Excellent, thought provoking message

I'm not sure that I had an expectation about this book, but if I did, the book far exceeded. I have to listen to it again, as the concepts were so new that it requires a second reading.

Insightful

This book has hit home on many different levels for me and my relationship. Esther is progressive, well-rounded, and gives various, different examples as to the concepts she speaks about which helped me to think about how I could apply what she was discussing in my own life. I enjoyed the book just as much as I do her podcast "Where should we begin?" Thank you for sharing your insights, studies, and experience Esther.

Intelligent and insightful

This book taught me much and, like all great books, put in words things I knew intuitively but couldn’t before articulate.
Esther is a wonderful orator and I highly recommend her work.

love Perel's perspectives

I enjoy hearing different perspectives that question the "norms" that we are taught in society. This book offers up many different ideas behind why its so hard to keep the fire alive in long term relationships. Its refreshing to hear how and why these things happen, and to know that if/when it does, it doesn't have to mean the relationship is bad or that something is "wrong" with a person.

If ester started a cult I would join

I already love ester from her podcasts and various special guest appearances. She doesn’t put a lot of emphasis on Trauma yet is still able to help people work around it in order to have a lasting relationship with their partners. A lot of this book was for parents though and I do not have any children. But I highly recommend it for all people. Children or no children. A lot of lessons are good and I kind of took it as a learning manual for when I am ready.

Required Reading

Every one needs this entertaining information, from adolescents on up! Esther is amazing! Highly recommended.

Required for all coupled

There's so much covered here that I recognized in my own relationship, and that I wish I had realized years ago. The performance grew on me.

A must read for anyone in a relationship

This book is fascinating and helpful. Ester Perel is so amazing and insightful in such a real-life way. She has a no BS way of breaking things down. Even when an issue in the book is not something that directly applies to your situation, the information and insight she gives are gold. Highly recommend this for couples, especially if your in a funk.