Let's face it: We all know people who are irrational. No matter how hard you try to reason with them, it never works. So what's the solution? Listen to find out....
Marshall Goldsmith is an expert at helping global leaders overcome their (sometimes unconscious) annoying habits and attaining a higher level of success....
People won't put up with being "sold" anymore....
One person talks; the other listens. It's so basic that we take it for granted. Unfortunately, most of us think of ourselves as better listeners than we actually are. Why do we so often fail to connect....
Discover what active listening is and what it is not. Learn four simple actions that will train your brain to listen, and see for yourself the difference these steps make in your life....
Scientifically-proven methods to create connection with anyone you meet. This is your blueprint for social success....
Perhaps once a decade, a book comes along that transforms people's lives in a very real, measurable way. This is one of them....
Listening is harder than it looks - but it's the difference between business success and failure. Nothing causes bad decisions in organizations as often as poor listening....
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Would you like to enhance your communication skills to grow and strengthen your relationships? If so, this book is for you....
The best-selling authors of the classic Difficult Conversations teach us how to turn evaluations, advice, criticisms, and coaching into productive listening and learning....
Verbal Judo is the classic guide to the martial art of the mind and mouth that can help you defuse confrontations and generate cooperation....
For decades, alarms have sounded about declining engagement. Yet companies continue to struggle with toxic cultures, and the low productivity and unhappiness that go with them....
It’s the Way You Say It is a thorough, nuts-and-bolts guide to becoming aware and taking control of how you communicate with others....
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With this program, you'll have the tools, the techniques, and, just as importantly, the unflinching confidence to influence your readers and listeners decisively....
In Michael Bungay Stanier's The Coaching Habit, coaching becomes a regular, informal part of your day so managers and their teams can work less hard and have more impact....
Susan Chapman, a marriage and family therapist and a longtime meditation teacher, explains how mindfulness can be brought to bear in the way we speak and listen to each other....
You’ve got a business colleague who’s hostile...a client who’s furious...a staffer who’s deeply cynical—how do you get people to do what you want in tough situations like these? In Just Listen, veteran psychiatrist and business coach Mark Goulston reveals the secret to how to get through to anyone, even when productive communication seems impossible.“Here's the challenge,” Mark says. “People have their own needs, desires, and agendas. They have secrets they’re hiding from you. And they’re stressed, busy, and often feeling like they’re in over their heads. To cope, they throw up barricades that make it difficult to reach them even when your goals are in sync with their own.”But the good news is that there are simple strategies that can make you compelling, and break down the walls that keep you from getting through to the people you need to buy into your ideas and goals. Just Listen presents remarkably effective tools and techniques you can use whenever a job, a sale, or a relationship hangs in the balance.How effective are Mark’s techniques? One of his areas of expertise is training FBI and police hostage negotiators to handle life-or-death situations. “The same tips I teach these professionals for building empathy, de-escalating conflict, and gaining buy-in will work in any situation,” Mark says. “Whether you’re a new employee fresh out of school, a salesperson, or a CEO, once you master these skills you can take them wherever you go in your career.” And Mark has proven these strategies in his own 30-year career as a business coach at companies such as GE, IBM, Goldman Sachs, Kodak, Federal Express, Hyatt, and Disney.
With this powerful yet engaging audio book, you’ll learn how to:
”Barricades between people become barriers to success, progress, and happiness; so getting through is not just a fine art, but a crucial skill. Just Listen gives you the techniques and confidence to approach the unreachable people in your life, and turn frustrating situations into productive outcomes and rewarding relationships.
Some helpful general information. I would have to say that a good deal of the information provided here was common sense. There was also quite a bit of information and tactics that were very unrealistic. The communication or engagement examples seemed exaggerated and not life-real to me, and certainly not applicable to most peoples everyday lives. The focus seemed to be on helping extroverts and type-A personalities listen to those around them better. I have the opposite personality, so I felt the author was not always talking to me.
I have no doubt that Mark is an incredible counselor and hostage negotiator, but I was looking more for an everyday guide to communicating better and more efficiently with those people that I manage in my small non-CEO world.
With that said, I do plan to go back over my notes and try to apply some of his strategies in "better listening" with my work & family life. Maybe I should listen to the book again, and be a better listener. Not a terrible listen, just not my favorite.
106 of 110 people found this review helpful
What did you love best about Just Listen?
Just Listen held my interest--it combines physiologic reasons for why we behave and react the way we do, and then it offers a lot of examples and illustrations. The practical advice and techniques are usable and helpful. I immediately put some of the techniques to work!
What was one of the most memorable moments of Just Listen?
I enjoyed many of the stories--from the hostage situation to the executive preoccupied with his wife's biopsy. The narrator is compelling, using good voice inflection and emotion.
Have you listened to any of Walter Dixon’s other performances before? How does this one compare?
I have not. Mr. Dixon's narration was as good as any I have heard.
What’s an idea from the book that you will remember?
There are many ideas that I will use. I have already used the one about telling an employee that I should improve his environment to incentivize him to work harder. I would also like to start using the
Any additional comments?
It was interesting that many of the techniques are similar to those in Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People!
28 of 29 people found this review helpful
About 1/3 of the way through this book I was still doubting it's depth. It promises to give some pretty powerful insights at the beginning, and I was not initially getting that. But eventually the book does deliver on it's promise. His stories of real-life interventions paint a clear picture of the source of many of our day-to-day problems. Since we are so busy, we develop fast ways of interacting with our world in a kind of one-dimensional way. We tend to see things from one simple perspective: our own.
I'm in sales, and often find myself sitting across from someone who is closed off and not letting me in. After all, I am trying to sell them something. But after listening to this book, I have a way to go beyond the transaction and connect with the person. What are they feeling? Is it fear, anger, insecurity? How can I make them "feel felt"? If I slow down and recognize that their needs are real and not just distractions to be talked over, we can communicate. That can result in a sale which I might not otherwise have gotten, which is good. But it nearly always results in better communication, which plays a very important part in all the other things I would like to accomplish in life. Thank you, Mark. Well Done.
74 of 79 people found this review helpful
Excellent book that goes into listening as well as questioning and leading conversations. He goes beyond the standard mirroring and focusing on others that most books on listening suggest. It also included some powerful suggestions on sales lines. On the downside there were parts I would skip for they were a little presumptuous and other parts that I do not agree with. However, there were enough great parts to recommend this book.
18 of 19 people found this review helpful
Any additional comments?
This book walks through the details of how to actually listen to anyone, and how to get through to those who may be difficult to deal with. This book has changed my interactions at work and enabled me to be a more effective communicator and leader. Would recommend to anyone who is interested in self-improvement, especially in the areas of communication.<br/><br/>The reader was easy on the ears (I wish he read every book I wanted to listen to!)
17 of 18 people found this review helpful
The tone of the book is like that of a car salesman--not the smooth, unctuous persuasive sort, but the loud obnoxious kind for whom the most basic social queues are entirely enigmatic. The kind that accidentally chases people away and can't figure why. I expect the author started in sales and took psychology to understand why he couldn't manipulate people the way he wanted. Still ... points to him, i bought his book.
His tactics include mirroring to invite dialogue (which is fine but old advice, and entirely basic) and breathing through ones nose to calm down out of "animal mode" (who hasn't seen this on TV?). This book might have been the product of an epiphany (or several) for the author, but I can't imagine it would benefit anyone with an average emotional IQ.
I became embarrassed for listening to it, and became frustrated because he seemed to want to teach listening as a tactic rather than a practice; as a "means" rather than an "end." As though listening were a necessary evil for gathering attention, influence, or affection and not valuable in itself. (Why not simply listen because people need to be listened to?) I bought this wanting to improve my listening ability, not to trick people into talking to me, not to "appear interested", and not to get people to like me. The author is too often trying to teach how to appear interested and sincere as though sincerity were not natural and people were not already interesting. Also the author is so frequently the hero of his stories and so often beings them with I, I, I, me, me, me that it counts against his claims of being an extraordinary listener. No one likes to spend time with someone as enamored with himself as the author seems to be. The title though "just listen" is sound advice.
142 of 160 people found this review helpful
An audio book full of real life examples, very practical answers, good intonation, applicable in business and family life! An excellent book for me, hope that many people could listen/read it!
13 of 14 people found this review helpful
Me: "Well, Dr. Goulston, I'm a lawyer. I end up in some pretty nasty fights on a fairly regular basis. I wanted to find out if there was anything I could do to defuse the argument without running to a judge for a court order."
Dr. Goulston: "And the book helped you how?"
Me: "I found out that people who are really angry may not be thinking at all. It's called 'amygdala hijack,' primitive brain has taken over, and the person is in "fight or flight" mode. I also found out when someone is attacking and reacting, turning beet red and blustery, they are thinking with a higher emotional brain. And I learned that to get someone to look logically at a situation, you need to have them thinking with their highest, rational brain."
I listened to "Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone" (2009) by Mark Goulston, MD, twice - because I wanted to know how to calm a fight over legal and evidentiary issues, and help my teenagers work to 'fix the problem, not the blame.' Long ago, I discovered saying, "Just calm down" in either situation had about the same effect as telling someone to 'f*** off'. I didn't know why, but I do now and I know what to say - and do - next time. I won't yell back. I won't point fingers. I will use the techniques Goulston recommends to decelerate the ire. That includes asking 'fill in the blank' questions - like the title to this review.
I have some valuable techniques that I've started using - although I'm not the target reader/listener. "Just Listen" is directed towards supervisors, managers and execs; and salespeople. A good third of the book discussed handling situations I don't find myself in. I expect someone in those jobs will find this book even more helpful than I did.
[If this review helped, please press YES.]
95 of 108 people found this review helpful
This book gives plenty of realistic scenarios: my teenager son hardly tells me anything, I have to work with a co-worker who's constantly angry, my boss doesn't get what I'm saying, and my spouse and I are always fighting. As you're listening to these scenarios (complete with realistic dialogues), you think "Yes, I've been there. What do I need to do to fix it?" The author then gives solutions that move people from arguing to empathizing to listening. The solutions aren't earth shattering. The secret is knowing the right things to say. Just as the solution to being healthy is exercising and eating well. The secret is finding a routine that works for you. I'm sure I'll be referring back to this book. After I absorb the ideas, I would have to go back and find the methods and dialogues that would fit me.
14 of 16 people found this review helpful
What made the experience of listening to Just Listen the most enjoyable?
Very vibrant and exciting information eye opening and very honest outlook
What was one of the most memorable moments of Just Listen?
It does not place blame in any one person but on all for true problem solving
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
I was very moved when I found out all the things I was doing wrong and how I could be the problem as well as others perception to me
Any additional comments?
I listened to this book 3 times and learned a lot each time I did take your time and make the best of it that you can
18 of 21 people found this review helpful
My job involves communication and mentoring young people through very difficult times in their lives. This book has excellent practical scripts which have enabled me to reach both adults and young people who are stuck in destructive cycles and move them to a more positive place.
6 of 6 people found this review helpful
I've 'read' some excellent books this year and yet this one stands out as one of the very best. Clear and helpful insights into how to deepen any relationship that will appeal and inform those who are interested as well as professionals who are looking to sharpen their practice. Warmly recommended.
4 of 4 people found this review helpful
This book surprised me. Not because I wasn't sure what to expect but because I actually found myself using some of his tips and recommendations within days of hearing them. Let me explain...
I could hear doors slamming and raised voices. I ran upstairs to see my 11 year-old daughter in tears and visibly shaking with anger. Her younger brother had wound her up to breaking point and she had snapped. He had jumped into the relative security of the shower by the time I arrived and so it was just me and an uncontrollable young lady.
Three days earlier, my reaction would have been to raise my voice, which can be booming I am told, at both of them, shouted until I was hoarse and sent them both to bed. I might have even smashed something to really emphasise the point. However, I found myself desperately trying to remember the advice from the 'book'.
My first task was to realise that I was not dealing with a sane human being. I had to talk her down from her primitive status to engage the correct part of the brain that I could then start to rationalise with. I did his and then began the inquest, calmly. When my son finished his shower we all discussed what had happened and it ended, well, better than my normal approach.
Some of you may think that this is just common-sense, in which case the book may not be for you.
So, why not five stars? Two reasons; firstly, the delivery of the book is not to my liking. You get used to it after a while but I enjoy listening to Stephen Fry and Bill Bryson (William Roberts). Secondly, I don't believe all the examples - some of them seem a bit far-fetched. For example, after years of seeing dozens of 'shrinks' a patient capitulates after a single sentence from the author. Whilst I understand the sentiment and can see his instruction in action, I just don't believe it.
Both of these are small points that can be overlooked, or taken with a pinch-of-salt, quite easily. I enjoyed the book very much and would recommend it.
8 of 9 people found this review helpful
An aptly named book ... excellently written in a way that the writer engages with the reader (or rather listener)! Very easy to understand and to apply the principles Mark Goulston suggests. This man knows his stuff and nice to have a book written by someone who practises rather than a pure theoretical academic!
2 of 2 people found this review helpful
Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?
Yes. Simple and sage advice on the importance of listening.
What was the most interesting aspect of this story? The least interesting?
When the author shares his experiences.
What about Walter Dixon’s performance did you like?
He was very softly and thoughtfully spoken.
Did you have an emotional reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
Neither, although I could relate t many of the examples given.
Any additional comments?
1 of 1 people found this review helpful
I really liked this book. Especially the authors straight to the point advice for several real life situations. You can literally feel how Mark adviced his clients in his practice and now wants to share his knowledge with you. While the content at times is scientific, it never becomes complicated nor 'boring'. If anything his introduction to biology of emotions, the neurological function of social interactions (mirror neurons) and the pathology of several different types of 'difficult' people helps a lot to understand the application of his proposed steps. That said the steps are a useful guide to structure upcoming 'difficult' conversations or 'talk yourself out of stress' :)
Explaining complicated scientific aspects into easy chuncks and pratical advice is always a challenge. As a university professor myself i truly admire Mark for his job in this book. Some minor points: it would be great to hear more real life examples from his clinical practice or client experience. If anything those real life cases i think are the true value a practioneer can offer. Also at times the content feels repititve. Perhaps this just is my perception as i know the field well. While I enjoyed the proposed steps, I wonder if the author can offer more context pecific steps/ tools (as he does in the final chapter) . E. G. Skills in networking, what to do in scary presentations, coaching students. Perhaps highlighting specific case studies would be great. Finally, and very minor, i would greatly appreciate some more references to other books/ resources. Especially as the entire field of communication and listening touches so many areas.
However most important though one can truly feel that the author wants to OFFER you genuine help. Not sell some fancy course, not promote his achievements or simply create a guru 'self-help book'. But provide us with a simple tool box we can use when talking to others.
I'm really glad that I heard of this book in am srticle.
This book has revealed me the secret to reach out to important people around me at home and probably saved my relationship.
Honestly this should be part of the national education. The world would be a much more relaxed place with less conflicts like wars etc.
I read so many books with big titles claiming to teach communication skills or emotional intelligence, this book has done far than that in a very easy straight forward way. I'd like to listen to it again and again.
We all know the phrase "two ears but one mouth" and may even be encouraged to be an "active listener" but in truth what does that really mean. What does it take to just listen? Mark Goulston has his work cut out for him to move people from transactional/turn taking conversationalists to being fully fledged skilled listeners. Having completed the book almost twice I think I've still got a couple more reads to appreciate just how much detail there is, and just how much skill is needed to be a good listener. However the rewards are huge...
Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?
I remember I listened to this a couple of years ago and it helped me a lot to change my perspective of how I perceive certain situationt and people. made me stronger.