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A tough-love guide to coping with dysfunctional adult children, Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children will empower families by offering hope and healing through S.A.N.I.T.Y. - a six-step program to help parents regain control in their homes and in their lives.
As the heart-wrenching personal stories in this book reveal, family members do not cause their loved one's addiction. Nor can they control or cure addiction. What family members can do is find support, set boundaries, detach with love, and eventually discover how to enjoy life whether their loved one finds recovery or not. Addict in the Family is a book about sorrow, deception, and pain. More importantly, it is a book of comfort, hope, and understanding for anyone struggling with a loved one's addiction.
How do today's parents cope when the dreams we had for our children clash with reality? What can we do for our 20- and even 30-somethings who can't seem to grow up? Who can we turn to when the kids aren't all right and we, their parents, are frightened, frustrated, resentful, embarrassed, and especially, disappointed? In this groundbreaking book, a social psychologist who's been chronicling the lives of American families for over two decades confronts our deepest concerns when our grown kids have failed to thrive.
Everything Changes assuages fears and uncertainty by teaching loved ones of newly recovering addicts how to navigate the often-tumultuous early months of recovery. Beverly Conyers, author of the acclaimed Addict in the Family, again shares the hope and knowledge that she gained as a parent of a recovering addict by focusing on the aftermath of addiction. She outlines the physical and psychological changes that recovering addicts go through and offers practical tools to help family members and friends.
There can be recovery, even if it doesn't happen within the addict. Sandy lives where love and addiction meet--a place where help enables and hope hurts. When addiction steals her son, Sandy fights for his survival, trying to stay on the right side of an invisible line between helping him to live and helping him to die. By age 20, Joey overdoses, attempts suicide, quits college, survives a near-fatal car accident, does time behind bars, and is kicked out of rehab more than once.
Drawing on forty collective years of research and decades of clinical experience, the authors present the best practical advice science has to offer. Delivered with warmth, optimism, and humor, Beyond Addiction defines a new, empowered role for friends and family and a paradigm shift for the field.
A tough-love guide to coping with dysfunctional adult children, Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children will empower families by offering hope and healing through S.A.N.I.T.Y. - a six-step program to help parents regain control in their homes and in their lives.
As the heart-wrenching personal stories in this book reveal, family members do not cause their loved one's addiction. Nor can they control or cure addiction. What family members can do is find support, set boundaries, detach with love, and eventually discover how to enjoy life whether their loved one finds recovery or not. Addict in the Family is a book about sorrow, deception, and pain. More importantly, it is a book of comfort, hope, and understanding for anyone struggling with a loved one's addiction.
How do today's parents cope when the dreams we had for our children clash with reality? What can we do for our 20- and even 30-somethings who can't seem to grow up? Who can we turn to when the kids aren't all right and we, their parents, are frightened, frustrated, resentful, embarrassed, and especially, disappointed? In this groundbreaking book, a social psychologist who's been chronicling the lives of American families for over two decades confronts our deepest concerns when our grown kids have failed to thrive.
Everything Changes assuages fears and uncertainty by teaching loved ones of newly recovering addicts how to navigate the often-tumultuous early months of recovery. Beverly Conyers, author of the acclaimed Addict in the Family, again shares the hope and knowledge that she gained as a parent of a recovering addict by focusing on the aftermath of addiction. She outlines the physical and psychological changes that recovering addicts go through and offers practical tools to help family members and friends.
There can be recovery, even if it doesn't happen within the addict. Sandy lives where love and addiction meet--a place where help enables and hope hurts. When addiction steals her son, Sandy fights for his survival, trying to stay on the right side of an invisible line between helping him to live and helping him to die. By age 20, Joey overdoses, attempts suicide, quits college, survives a near-fatal car accident, does time behind bars, and is kicked out of rehab more than once.
Drawing on forty collective years of research and decades of clinical experience, the authors present the best practical advice science has to offer. Delivered with warmth, optimism, and humor, Beyond Addiction defines a new, empowered role for friends and family and a paradigm shift for the field.
David Sheff's story is a first: a teenager's addiction from the parent's point of view, a real-time chronicle of the shocking descent into substance abuse and the gradual emergence into hope.
Before meth, Sheff's son, Nic, was a varsity athlete, honor student, and award-winning journalist. After meth, he was a trembling wraith who stole money from his eight-year-old brother and lived on the streets. With haunting candor, Sheff traces the first warning signs, the attempts at rehabilitation, and, at last, the way past addiction. He shows us that, whatever an addict's fate, the rest of the family must care for one another, too, lest they become addicted to addiction.
More daily inspiration from a fresh, diverse perspective. Insightful reflections reveal surprisingly simple things that can transform lives.
In Done with the Crying: Help and Healing for Mothers of Estranged Adult Children, Sheri McGregor, MA, helps parents break free from emotional pain - and move forward in their own lives. As a loving mother to whom the unthinkable happened, McGregor knows the horrible shock that wrings a parent dry, triggers denial, blame, anger, and shame. With empathy and understanding, as well as tools, the latest research, and insight from more than 9,000 parents of estranged adult children, McGregor helps parents of estranged adults plan, prepare for emotional triggers, and prevail over pain.
A source of healing and inspiration for millions, this modern classic spent over three years on the New York Times best seller list and made codependency a household word. Codependent No More contains dozens of real-life examples, personal reflections, exercises, and self-tests to help you along the road to recovering your own life. For anyone struggling with a relationship involving alchoholism or other compulsive behaviors, this program points the way to healing and the renewal of hope.
So many of us spend so much time enmeshed in other people's problems, trying to solve or change them, that we don't really know where we end and they begin. Not reacting to people or situations that provoke us is not an easy skill to develop. It takes practice and conviction that not reacting, not increasing the drama, doesn't mean we don't care. On the contrary, we are freed to show genuine love and care only when we can detach from the knee-jerk need to fix, solve, rescue, or control.
Addiction is a preventable, treatable disease, not a moral failing. As with other illnesses, the approaches most likely to work are based on science - not on faith, tradition, contrition, or wishful thinking. These facts are the foundation of Clean, a myth-shattering look at drug abuse by the author of Beautiful Boy. Based on the latest research in psychology, neuroscience, and medicine, Clean is a leap beyond the traditional approaches to prevention and treatment of addiction.
Al-Anon's basic book discusses the mutual-help program of recovery, including personal stories. A beginning approach to the Twelve Concepts of Service is included.
Healing the Addicted Brain is a breakthrough work that focuses on treating drug and alcohol addiction as a biological disease - based on the Recovery Science program that has helped thousands of patients defeat their addictions. It combines the best behavioral addiction treatments with the latest scientific research into brain functions, providing tools and strategies designed to overcome the biological factors that cause addictive behavior along with proven treatments and medications.
For many parents of troubled teenagers, a therapeutic program that takes the child from the home for a period of time offers some respite from the daily tumult of acting out, lies, and tension that has left the family under siege. However, just as the teenager is embarking on a journey of self-discovery, skill-development, and emotional maturation, so parents too need to use this time to recognize that their own patterns may have contributed to their family's downward spiral. This is The Parallel Process.
In Broken, William Cope Moyers tells the story of a love affair with alcohol and crack cocaine that led him to the brink of death over and over again. A harrowing account, it paints a picture of a young man with every advantage who found himself spiraling into a dark abyss. Battling shame and self-doubt at every turn, the author finally emerges into the clear light of recovery as he dedicates his life to changing the politics of addiction.
Challenging both the idea of the addict's "broken brain" and the notion of a simple "addictive personality", Unbroken Brain offers a radical and groundbreaking new perspective, arguing that addiction is a learning disorder, and shows how seeing the condition this way can untangle our current debates over treatment, prevention, and policy.
In this important follow-up to The Power of a Praying® Parent (2 million copies sold), Stormie addresses areas of concern you may have for your grown children and shares how to lift them up to God. With stories from other parents and insight gleaned from personal experience, Stormie helps you pray with the power of God's word over your adult children.
When kids turn to substance abuse, parents also become victims as they watch their children transform into irrational and antisocial individuals. This harrowing scenario finds parents buckling beneath the stress, often with catastrophic consequences: divorce, career upsets, breakdowns, and worse.
Don't Let Your Kids Kill You is a landmark work that dares to focus on the plight of the confused, distressed parent and not the erring child. It sets aside any preconceived ideas that parents are to blame for what is essentially a full-blown global crisis. Drawing on interviews with parents who have survived the heartbreak of kids on drugs, combined with his own experience, Charles Rubin provides practical advice on how parents can help themselves and their families by first attending to their own needs.
I read one review that said the author had “given up” or tells you to give up on these kids, he most certainly has not. He is simply and concisely telling you as a parent, what you need to do to save your own life and come to terms with your child’s destructive addiction issues.
This book is a must read for any parents of kids that have gone off the deep end and have made your life a living hell. Thank you!
This book starts off stating that it’s the only book out there that focuses solely at the parents, and not the erring child. I didn’t understand that at first, because there are several books out there that offer guidance to family members on how to get their loved ones clean. I was missing the point. This book is NOT about how to get your child clean. The author is realistic about this harrowing fact: your child may never recover. This is devastating, but the point is that whether or not your child gets better, the parents can. The parents can have their life back.
My daughter has been addicted to drugs for five years now. She has been to rehab about ten times, she has worked the steps, and she has relapsed over and over. Recently, after a period of sobriety, she told me flat out, “I don’t want to be sober.” This never occurred to me; I always thought she wanted it. My daughter might never get better. But I desperately want to, and this book gives me some ideas about how to get started on my own recovery.
It is a quick read, and written by a parent who gets it. I highly recommend it.
If you have a child young or old suffering from addiction.You NEED to hear this!!!
Excellent book, helped me so much with my addicted daughter situation. I only wish there was a guide when grandchildren are involved but setting that aside I am grateful for you sharing and writing this book!!!
What did you love best about Don't Let Your Kids Kill You?
Very useful information! I've been through about 20 books on addiction to help a family member. This, and Love First by Jeff Jay are the most useful/practical! This book doesn't get too much on the nuts and bolts of addiction (there are tons of books for that). Just useful information!
What other book might you compare Don't Let Your Kids Kill You to and why?
None...although I also highly recommend Love First by Jeff Jay! Also check out the Love First website and go through all the YouTube videos on it!
What did you learn from Don't Let Your Kids Kill You that you would use in your daily life?
I'm not alone in this problem. I shouldn't have to attack this problem, alone, since millions of other people have gone through it! Also, my family member is no different from any other addict! He is not a special case, and the behaviors of addicts is predictable!
Any additional comments?
Sorry you have to go through this. I wish you the best of luck! The most important thing is for you to take care of yourself!
Get educated about doing an intervention and try that out! You can get educated about the intervention process by going through the Love First audio book, and through all the videos and resources on the website! You can hire professional interventionist to assist you, too- just look online or ask a respectable rehab! You can probably bargain the interventionist's first price lower.
Go through this audio book and Love First several times!
More important than doing an intervention is following through on the "Bottom Lines" and stopping the Enabling behaviors!
-Don't give the addict money
-Don't provide a car
-Don't provide a free place to stay
-Don't provide a job at your business
-Don't make the minimum payment for the addict's credit cards
Do set healthy boundaries! Do continue paying the addict's health insurance (since many rehabs accept health insurance now)
The process of kicking a loved one out of the house causes a lot of anxiety for parents and the entire family! I highly recommend attending meetings such as Al-Anon, Parents Anonymous, or CoDependents Anonymous at least until your loved one accepts treatment, and completes at least 3 months of treatment. Also check with a MFT counselor that specializes in addiction and take care of yourself!
It takes an average of 4 stints in rehab until a person stays sober for life! Every time they go to rehab they will learn something new! Try again even though they relapsed the last time! It may take a few times!
Some rehabs are shady, and there is no official monitoring organization. Send your loved one to a reputable rehab with a good reputation. Ideally, the rehab should be at least a couple hours drive from home so he/she can not run away from the rehab and meet his/her addicted friends. The Hazelden chain of rehabs is good, and insurance covers most of the treatment. Many rehabs have 'sliding scales' so ask. If some one with a low income pays for the rehab, the cost might be lowered.
If the addiction is really bad, send the addict to treatment for a minimum of 90 days, and 1 year in a sober living home after the rehab. If they stay sober for 1 year, they have a 50% chance of never using again. If they stay sober for 2 years, they have a 70% chance of not relapsing!
If they are extremely dangerous to harming themselves, and other people, and are not able to take care of themselves, you can call 911 and do a psyche hold (although this may really tarnish your relationship). You can also call 911 when they are driving and are endangering other people. A judge ora psyche hold may mandate rehab.
I wish you the best of luck. Take care and God bless you!