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Publisher's Summary

Jeb Kinnison's previous book on finding a good partner by understanding attachment types (Bad Boyfriends: Using Attachment Theory to Avoid Mr. (or Ms.) Wrong and Make You a Better Partner) brought lots of people to JebKinnison.com, where the most asked-about topic was how to deal with avoidant lovers and spouses. There are many now in troubled marriages who are looking for help, as well as people already invested in a relationship short of marriage who'd like help deciding if they should stick with it.

People in relationships with avoidants struggle with their lack of responsiveness and inability to tolerate real intimacy. Relationships between an avoidant and a partner of another attachment type are the largest group of unhappy relationships, and people who love their partners and who may have started families and had children with an avoidant will work very hard to try to make their relationships work better, out of love for their partner and children as well as their own happiness. The avoidants in these relationships are more than likely unhappy with the situation as well - retreating into their shells and feeling harassed for being asked to respond with positive feeling when they have little to give.

The other reason why so many people are looking for help on this topic is that it is an almost impossible problem. Couples counsellors rarely have the time or knowledge to work with an avoidant and will often advise the spouse to give up on a dismissive, especially, whose lack of responsiveness looks like cruelty or contempt (and sometimes it is).

Yet there is some hope - though it may take years and require educating the avoidant on the patterns of good couples communication; if both partners want to change their patterns toward more secure and satisfying models, it can be done.

©2014 Jeb Kinnison (P)2015 Jeb Kinnison

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

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  • Overall

Worth a listen!

As a person married to an avoidant I learned a great deal. Especially, that there is hope. I always wondered what was wrong, why my husband didn't take my needs into consideration, and thought that I was the problem... I'm an anxious avoidant. This book gave me a lot of information and my husband is listening to it too and finds it beneficial. We are practicing kindness and empathy!

5 of 5 people found this review helpful

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Stop while you are behind

This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?

I think books like these may be more harmful than good. I was like aha I have figured out the mystery to relationships and realized we are all doomed. Far too black and white and not true some of us avoid and some of us cling but that does not mean either party is wrong. Don't demonize your spouse instead look in the mirror, pull your own planks.

Would you listen to another book narrated by Joe Farinacci?

Greal narration and for that reason I took it far too seriously.

If you could play editor, what scene or scenes would you have cut from Avoidant?

Nothing great book.

Any additional comments?

Yes I think there is hope for most every relationship. I think we are all a little narcissistic. I also believe if we gave a little more than we received we would be loved a little more every day. Relationships are investments, treat yourself like your new car or your brand new house , cherish your relationship. On that note read the book Cherish.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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Author Holds No Quarter

There's no sugar coating here. Be prepared to take a good look at your ugly self.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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Very informative

This book is very helpful and a nice companion book to Jeb's other book "Bad Boyfriends" and the book "Attached."

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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Nailed and normalized our relationship patterns

This read really pointed out the current dynamic between my partner and myself. It helped normalize our very common issues, filled me with a renewed sense of empathy, willingness and trust, and helped point me in the direction I needed. Definite must read for pursuer distancer styles of relating.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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incredibly helpful!

This really helped me understand my partner, and why her behavior made me so crazy jealous. understanding both of our attachment styles has really helped improve our previously difficult to understand relationship.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • colette
  • PASADENA, CA, United States
  • 01-03-17

Useful

A good companion to John Gottman's Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Especially if you have a "stonewalling" spouse.

2 of 3 people found this review helpful

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Don't Even Think About Dating an Avoidant!

Save yourself some heartache. Learn how to spot these individuals and steer clear of them. This book helped me understand that it's really NOT me.

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Excellent!

Wish I had listened to this book 2 months ago! I'm an anxious attachment and my ex boyfriend is an avoidant attachment.

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Very Informative

I enjoyed this book it was very informative. It made me see myself in a way I never realized before. I will use what I learned in my relationship.

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  • Mrs. G. Castro
  • 12-08-16

Very helpful!

This audio book is easy to understand and listen. I've definitely learned more about myself and how to deal with my attachment style.
I'm glad I've purchased it.

0 of 1 people found this review helpful