Allies in Healing

When the Person You Love Is a Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse

By: Laura Davis

Narrated by: Xe Sands, Sean Pratt

Length: 8 hrs and 45 mins

Publisher's summary

"But what about me?"

"Is it possible to go one day without dealing with the survivor's issues?"

"Will we ever make love again?"

"Will the survivor love me in the end?"

"How do I know if I should throw in the towel?"

Based on in-depth interviews and her workshops for partners across the country, Laura Davis offers practical advice and encouragement to all partners - girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses, and lovers - trying to support the survivors in their lives while tending to their own needs along the way. She shows couples how to deepen compassion, improve communication, and develop an understanding of healing as a shared activity. Addressing partners' most important questions, Allies in Healing covers:

• The Basics - answers common questions about sexual abuse.
• Allies in Healing - introduces key concepts of working and growing together.
• My Needs and Feelings - teaches partners to recognize, value, and express their own needs.
• Dealing with Crisis - includes strategies for handling suicidal feelings, regression, and hopelessness.
• Intimacy and Communication - offers practical advice on dealing with distancing, control, trust, and fighting.
• Sex - provides guidelines for coping with flashbacks, lack of desire, differences in sexual needs, and frustration.
• Family lssues - suggests a range of ideas for interacting with the survivor's family.
• Partners' Stories - explores the struggles, triumphs, and courage of eight partners.

Download the accompanying reference guide.

©2012 Laura Davis (P)2013 HarperCollins Publishers

Not too opinionated, I was surprised

Really helped me to understand what they've been going through on the other side. I never really questioned, so I didn't know what I didn't know. This book reveals the nuts and bolts of some of the more devestating aspects of mental illness and overall stresses that affect survivors (abuse victims are not referred to as victims). The author will help you understand, from a more relative position than I'm used to. I like the take it or leave it kind of explanation, so as not to come off as pretentious or patronizing. Excellent book. Read twice.

Very helpful for partners

I am so thankful for this book. It helps me understand what my loved one is going through and how to understand the pain and process of healing. I highly recommend to partners!

It's not just me?

What made the experience of listening to Allies in Healing the most enjoyable?

Eye opening, lots of detail and perspective from both sides (survivor and spouse thereof).

What other book might you compare Allies in Healing to and why?

None that I have found yet.

What’s an idea from the book that you will remember?

Very motivating to hear the stories of those that made it through!

Any additional comments?

As spouses we need to understand that we all bring baggage, but for survivors that baggage is something entirely different.

Great Q & A format

Liked the Q&A format. Moved quickly and answered many of my questions. Frustrating to learn this will be a long process.

Overall a great book.

It gives practical advice how to relate with your mate and real life stories that gives a broader picture of what you may be going through. Great for married couples, engaged persons, boyfriend/girlfriend relationship to get a better understanding of what your loved one is going through.

I gave it 4 stars because as a Christian it has some curse words in it which is one of the drawbacks. Also there are some principles that I didn’t agree with as it relates to sexuality.

Otherwise I learned so much and have gotten a whole new perspective on the extensive damage that sexual abuse causes. It gives you the opportunity to enter into the world of the survivor and why they act the way they do. The conflicting emotions that they feel. That they want to heal but it’s hard for them to cope but through therapy, support groups and your love and patience they can get through it.

Ultimately this book gives you hope and encouragement that even though things are extremely difficult you can get through the tough times and become stronger as a couple as a result of the challenges. At the end there are stories of persons sharing their personal experience which I think it a great feature in the book.

important read

If you found this book, it's probably important that you read or listen to it.

A horrible resource for partners

This book is written for the partners of sexual abuse survivors, however, because the author is herself a sexual abuse survivor, the advice & opinions offered are, naturally from that perspective. This book would have been MUCH more valuable if it had been written FROM the perspective of the intended audience. The author cannot and does not understand the personal journey of a partner. The book is laced with an overall guilt trip if you are not able to stay in the relationship, devote yourself FULLY to your survivors needs and sacrifice your own needs and happiness. Those that choose to stay are referred to as people who truly love and are committed to their survivor. If you already feel guilty as a partner for being unable to align with this kind of saint-like selflessness, then this book is NOT for you. Save yourself additional pain and find material written by an author who has at least a slight idea what you're going through.

I know it’s an important book but....

This book gave some great case studies but no direction or advice on how to manage - no tools. Also I have to say the narrator was the worst I’ve ever heard - she sounded like her lips were trembling the entire time. Poor affect and not genuine as it continued throughout the entire book. A stronger voice would have been more appropriate for people looking for strength.