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Publisher's Summary

How to manage the narcissistic people in your life

Does your boss constantly blame you for things you didn't do? Do you isolate yourself from friends and family to avoid conflict at home? Do you feel anxious when you see a certain "friend's" name on your cell phone? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you most likely have a narcissist in your life. The Object of My Affection Is in My Reflection will help you understand the complexities of this disorder and arm you with the coping mechanisms to navigate through this type of relationship.

Narcissists suffer from a personality disorder that began in the early stages of childhood. They are stuck in an early development stage where there is tremendous self-interest, excessive self-absorption, and extreme entitlement. Their behavior is a consequence of early childhood abandonment and abuse.

Rokelle Lerner specializes in working with narcissists and the people they impact. Her astounding results in improving the quality of life for those that live or work with narcissists has been recognized by therapists across the country. She explains why narcissists do the things they do and how you can protect yourself from their intimidation and manipulations. Lerner shows you how to:

  • Spot a narcissist at work and in your personal life
  • Set appropriate boundaries to avoid further conflict
  • Avoid antagonizing a narcissist at work or at home

Narcissists are disarming, manipulative, and mesmerizing by nature. The Object of My Affection is in My Reflection will help you see through their charm so you can recharge your spirit, redefine your purpose, and regain your life.

©2009 Rokelle Lerner (P)2013 Audible, Inc.

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  • 4.6 out of 5.0
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  • Overall

Well worth the reading

Very helpful in understanding Narcissism and how to cope with the narcissist in your life. This is the only book you need to read.

6 of 6 people found this review helpful

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Insightful

I enjoyed how to protect myself, let go, and not second guess my decision. Thank you for your study on this topic of narcissism.

6 of 6 people found this review helpful

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Balanced and practical, not full of jargon.

Would you consider the audio edition of The Object of My Affection is My Reflection to be better than the print version?

Yes, because I can listen while I'm driving.

What about Lucinda Gainey’s performance did you like?

Perfect read.

Any additional comments?

Gentle and understanding and with sensible strategies in part 4 for those entangled with a narcissist. This book looks at the whole picture and is not emotionally charged as are some on this topic.

5 of 5 people found this review helpful

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  • Nadia
  • Cape Town, South Africa
  • 05-28-14

Insight into narcissism

If you could sum up The Object of My Affection is My Reflection in three words, what would they be?

Insightful, informative, useful

Which scene was your favorite?

The characteristics of a narcissist as well as how to deal with them. Aspects of the book I found important: setting boundaries, the concept of shrinking, action statements, stating one's rights and finally, grieving the dreams we had created whilst in a relationship with a narcissist.

5 of 5 people found this review helpful

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  • Beth
  • United States
  • 04-05-13

Best Book Out There on Narcissism Bar None

Would you listen to The Object of My Affection is My Reflection again? Why?

Yes!!! There is so much helpful information in this book that I know I won't take it all in the first, second, or even third time. This book should be considered the "bible" for coping with a narcissist.

What does Lucinda Gainey bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

Lucinda's performance was excellent.

Any additional comments?

I have read many of the books on narcissists available on the market. This one gives the absolute BEST information on the origins of the disorder. Understanding the origins helps me to have more empathy for the narcissist in my life. He suffered unspeakable horror as a child. Then Rokelle gives the very best advice available on how to deal with a narcissist co-worker, boss, or spouse. Lastly, she gives good guidance in the form of a questionnaire to help one decide whether to extricate one's self from a relationship with a narcissist. This is EXTREMELY valuable. Lastly, Rokelle talks the reader "off the ledge" if you are thinking of leaving your narcissist and are just plain afraid of the future. With amazing kindness and sensitiity, she helps us to see that, yes indeed, we can get through the process of leaving and changing. In my opinion, this is the one and only book on this subject you need....and I have read quite a few of the others. I wish all of you out there struggling with a narcissist peace and happiness.

11 of 12 people found this review helpful

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Important information for all.

This is, for me, a hard book to review. The material is, as far as I can tell, presented in a very complete and (mostly) understandable manner. It deals with a very serious topic that everyone should have some familiarity with since pretty much everyone will, to some degree, have their lives affected by narcissists in greater and lesser degrees. So five out of five on that score.

That said, I found the material disturbing. It forced me to reassess my behaviour and the behaviour of others around me in a fundamental way. I can’t say I liked everything that reassessment turned up. Still, it is very valuable information. It’s far better to have knowledge you –even if you don’t like it—than to putter along in ignorance. Only one or two other books I’ve ever read had that sort of impact on me. In that sense, this book probably deserves six out of five stars.

I highly recommend this book. Be warned there is a chance you could find some of the material troubling, though.

10 of 11 people found this review helpful

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Excellent explanation of my 30 year marriage

This book has given me peace.
After 30 years of what appeared to be wedded bliss...complete with two lovely grown children, I received a love letter on Tuesday and a 3x5 card stating that the marriage was over on Friday. Now I understand. For my husband, it was all an act. He was incapable of bonding.

8 of 9 people found this review helpful

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Informative

There is a lot of great information in this book- from identifying the type of narcissism to how to handle yourself when dealing with them.
Some parts were a little disjointed to listen to- especially the descriptions with characteristics.

3 of 3 people found this review helpful

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Great Book

What did you like best about this story?

This book was just right to get me through figuring out what was happening in my relationship to a narcissist. It kept me sane, and helped me realize I was wasting my life.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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informative, enlightening, well written.

This book was an eye-opening journey into the world of narcissism. To read this is to be liberated by anyone in your life who has used this mental illness to hurt you. I highly recommend reading it. The author tells an organized, intelligent story. A must read.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Anonymous, UK
  • 08-29-16

Excellent and engaging

I found this book to be very informative and educational. I have been in a relationship with a narcissist for the last two years and have been pulling my hair out with frustration and mental exhaustion. This book opened my eyes to the complexities of the narcissist and goes into detail around the likely causes and behaviours but also goes into how to practically cope with being in close ongoing relationship with a Narcissist whether that be work or personally. Objectively written and excellently explained, I listened to the book in a week. I've downloaded loads of other books but this completely hooked me. All the way through I was sat nodding and say yep yep. Totally identified with all the Rockelle says.

Helpful if someone feels they can't leave but also helpful for those who think they're going mad and want it but can't seem to leave somehow. All this is explained in sensitive detail.

Highly recommend this Book. Well done!

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • conor
  • 07-25-16

Shockingly good

This is the information you need if you are wrestling with a narcissist or are staggering around in the aftermath of a relationship with one. There are many 'Why did I not see this?' moments throughout the book and they can be shameful and embarrassing. Some of the content is so painful and difficult that it might be worth considering talking to someone about what you will discover in this book. The fog clears and the light pours in but there is still the mess to clear up.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 09-17-17

An indispensable book

If like me your life has hit crisis point due to the narcissists in your life then this book is a must read.The author has helped me to leave my abusive relationship with my partner.It gives you clear instructions on how to coPE after relationship ends which is what i needed.STILL LISTENING TO THIS BOOK. have courage and read this book!

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  • Paul Sanderson
  • 10-14-16

Excellent a brilliant insightful book I recommend

thanks for the wonderful insight into this subject. I recommend this real real real book .