Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me)

Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions and Hurtful Acts

By: Carol Tavris, Elliot Aronson

Narrated by: Marsha Mercant, Joe Barrett

Length: 9 hrs and 4 mins

Publisher's summary

Why do people dodge responsibility when things fall apart? Why the parade of public figures unable to own up when they screw up? Why the endless marital quarrels over who is right? Why can we see hypocrisy in others but not in ourselves? Are we all liars? Or do we really believe the stories we tell? Backed by years of research and delivered in lively, energetic prose, Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) offers a fascinating explanation of self-deception - how it works, the harm it can cause, and how we can overcome it.

©2008 Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson (P)2010 Audible, Inc.

Critic reviews

"Thanks, in part, to the scientific evidence it provides and the charm of its down-to-earth, commonsensical tone, Mistakes Were Made is convincing. Reading it, we recognize the behavior of our leaders, our loved ones, and—if we're honest—ourselves, and some of the more perplexing mysteries of human nature begin to seem a little clearer." (Francine Prose, O, The Oprah Magazine)

"By turns entertaining, illuminating and—when you recognize yourself in the stories it tells—mortifying." ( The Wall Street Journal)

I never make MISTEAKS;)

This books takes us into our tendency as human beings for self-preservation when faced with the difficult challenge of admitting we were wrong. Our instinct is to deny any errors we made when confronted with the truth, followed by continuing on with the facade by insisting on the truth of our actions or words or by justifying them. The concepts and examples in this book are enlightening in showing us how blinded we are by self-righteous notions that we need to destroy relationships or risk innocent lives to perpetuate our mistakes rather than atone for them.

The only issue I had with the ideas provided is that in order for one to seek forgiveness and gain absolution, one must first be able to recognize he or she was wrong in the first place. Some instances were easier than other to decide where the fault lies, but others were more difficult. For instance, in the case of the couple in the marriage section, individually they can both be viewed as correct while collectively an observer can find flaws in both sides. This then slightly contradicts the writer in their section of memory and its fallible tendencies. Unless life is recorded 24/7 it is unlikely to be able to recall a situation with clarity and accuracy. Therefore a couple would have to rely on their semi-untrustworthy memory to recall a potential tipping-point event in their relationship. So who is right? He? She? Neither? I believe the author would argue that neither is correct and both parties need to re-evaluate their approach. I would agree to a certain extent, however, unless you truly believe you have committed a wrong-doing, your actions will eventually appear placating and inauthentic and every disagreement will feel like a struggle.

I guess the bottom line is: don't be an arrogant schmuck, but don't be a doormat either. There is a seam in between that we must navigate through, taking responsibility for all of our actions, putting our big-kid pants on and owning up to the decisions we make and the lives we affect along the way regardless of how humiliating, degrading, or painful it may be to do so because in the end our character will remain intact and our integrity untouched.

Performance:
4/5
Narrator did a great job, there were a few times were her pitch pierced, but not enough to deter from the book.

Yes, made by me

All about how self-justification locks one into a self defeating cycle and how to get out of it. Highly recommend. It's our nature to self justify so we need to be vigilant against it. Others appreciate it more when one does.

The discouraging reality of human nature

There are a number of books out there that pull together the latest psychological research for the lay audience. This is a really good one. And the subject, as you may infer from the title, has to do with the people's tendency to rationalize and justify their own behavior. As pessimistic as I was before I started this book, I think the authors managed to convince me that the situation is even worse than I imagined. It is said that acknowledging the problem is the first step toward finding a solution. While I would like to believe that, this rationalization tendency seems to be so deeply ingrained in the human brain that I despair of an absolute solution. I do still hope for some progress toward managing and mitigating this dysfunctional aspect of human nature. Regardless, it is an eye-opening book and strongly recommended.

Awesome Book!

It is an Amazing book, I would recommend it to everyone! one of my new favorites!

Probably the single most important book I read this year!!!

I don't even know what to say. I'm listening to it again.

The principles are intensely interesting. And understanding them critical to understanding why we make certain choices or act in specific ways. It's the kind of information that makes you feel like you've opened up the human machine and finally began to understand why the brain works the way it does. This explains so much. I am finding that I better understand why people in my life reacted the way they did. Understanding is awesome:)

Amazing and Important book

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

Everyone should read this book and read it honestly. If you do, you'll learn a lot about the way you manipulate your own thinking in order to reduce dissonance and mental pain.

A thoughtful analysis

Many interesting examples from different spheres contributed to a fascinating discussion. I find myself tuned in to examples every day now that I'm more aware of how cognitive dissonance appears.

Very insightful

I would recommend this book to everybody! It's so hard to see the bigger picture when you walk through life with blinders on. There were a couple of statements in this book that will probably change my life for the better forever. Wish I had heard things like this a lot more while I was growing up.

Excellent information

Well written and well "performed." Lots of useful, interesting information about how people behave and think. Be sure to read this book BEFORE you get arrested. I have no sympathy for criminals and am for swift justice, but this book really made me think.

Good basic introduction to human errors

Easy to listen and insightful. Plenty of examples from history and case examples from different studies on the subject.