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Publisher's Summary

Like countless other parents, doctors Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté have had to confront their children becoming secretive and unreachable. Focused more and more on their friends, they recoiled or grew hostile around adults. Why? The problem, Neufeld suggests, lies in attachment: Children are increasingly forming stronger attachments to their friends than to the adults in their lives. Dr. Neufeld has dubbed this phenomenon "peer orientation", which refers to the tendency of children and youth to look to their peers for direction: for a sense of right and wrong; for values, identity, and codes of behaviour.

This peer orientation undermines family cohesion, poisons the school atmosphere, and fosters an aggressively hostile and sexualized youth culture. It provides a powerful explanation for school-yard bullying and youth violence; its effects are painfully evident in the context of teenage gangs and criminal activity, in tragedies such as in Littleton, Colorado; Tabor, Alberta; and Victoria, B.C. It is an escalating trend that has never been adequately described or contested until Hold On to Your Kids. Once understood, it becomes self-evident - as do the solutions, none of which are impossible or even costly to undertake.

Hold On to Your Kids will restore parenting to its natural intuitive basis and the parent-child relationship to its rightful preeminence. The concepts, principles, and practical advice contained in Hold On to Your Kids will empower parents to parent and satisfy their children’s inborn need to find direction by turning towards them for their source of authority, contact, and warmth.

Daniel Maté’s warm and sensitive narration, gift with dialogue, and engagement with the authors writing make this an enjoyable and informative listen.

©2005 Gordon Neufeld & Gabor Maté (P)2012 Post Hypnotic Press, Inc.

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

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  • Cweth
  • Chase, BC, Canada
  • 07-10-12

Great book for every parent!

What did you love best about Hold On to Your Kids?

the fact that expressing your parental love to your child is billed as the most important act of parenting. We have always believed and lived by that, but this book gave new and exciting insight that I believe will be immensely helpful.

Who was your favorite character and why?

n/a

What about Daniel Mat?????s performance did you like?

He read it well, and gave appropriate intonation to express the meaning.

What???s an idea from the book that you will remember?

well, the main concept of maintaining strong bonds with your children, but a quote from Neitsche(possibly someon else) about the person most likely to lie is the person most likely to be injured by the reality. Something along those lines, and it made me thankful that my wife and I have raised our son in a world where reality isn't out to get him: That we've raised a son whose lies we can accurately count, because he always admitted it in the next sentence.

Any additional comments?

read it! Seriously! Your family, and possibly the future of humanity, will never regret your choice to embrace your children!

5 of 5 people found this review helpful

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Excellent

An essential read for anyone wth kids. For anyone that says where's the handbook for raising children.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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Very relevant in today’s world!

This book is a wonderful resource in today’s world where peers seem to outweigh parents in nearly everything. Many of us parents run ourselves ragged with after school activities to give our children every opportunity to succeed. Perhaps we need to focus more on family activities and building good relationships within the family. The evidence is pretty strong!
The book is well written and backed up by evidence. It includes many examples and stories that help in understanding what the author is trying to convey.

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A must read for parents

I'm so glad I found this book! I appreciate the perspective of the authors on the role of attachment in child behaviour. There were a number of concepts that I felt intuitively as a parent but could never put them into words until now. This book provides you with a practical way to connect deeply with your children, and a significant amount of information as to why it is important. If you find the book a bit long, keep reading. It's worth it. I found the content of this book extremely valuable. If you get impatient, skip to part 4, and then go back and read through the first parts of the book again.

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  • Andrea Woloschin
  • 12-24-12

It inspired me to be a better mum

This book marked a turning point in my life. I come from a latin-american background, where part of the culture is the imposition of ideas to our kids, we don't give them much space for developing their decision making process and diminish their own ideas or right to chose by not asking, just imposing.



We also tend to speak in a loud voice, and I personally got to the point of shouting at my 7 year old son every time something was not according to my point of view or desire.



This book taught me how important it is to show them respect, not only by listening, but also, by not imposing / forcing our kids to accept one idea as true. It also provided me with a number of tools for collecting, communicating, connecting and spending true time together.



I even decided to drop the number of working days, so that I could spend one school day taking him to school, bringing him to have lunch at home (I'm the only mum in the whole school doing this!) and really enjoying our life together, despite the tiredness, routine and troubles of life.



Hold on to Your Kids; the most motivating and awakening book I've ever read (or heard for the case). Thank you Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate, I hope it moves many more parents, helping the world to be a better place, as it helped me to make my home a better place.



Sofia

14 of 14 people found this review helpful

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  • Sarah
  • 09-18-17

WOW!

This book should be a must read for all parents. I was figuratively nodding my head nearly constantly in response to the author's points. I had so many light bulbs go off in my head and have a list as long as my arm of people I want to share this book with. But most of all I think it has saved the relationship to my son. And I think we should not stop here. These learning about attachment in relationships are fundamental and can benefit any relationship. A big thank you to the authors for your insight and sharing this message with the world

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Jonathan Lloyd
  • 11-20-17

A must read for any Parent

I have read several parenting books many of which are worthwhile but this is right up there. Relevant and helpful especially in today's society

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  • Anonymous User
  • 08-04-17

Abby

This is an Amazing! truly eye opening book. God bless the authors. I recommend this to any parent especially those that are perplexed about current teenage problems such as bullying and self harm.

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  • Ms. M. J. Picot
  • 12-18-16

a must read/listen for all parents excellent book

I highly recommend this book to all adults, very useful and can't wait to practice :-)

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  • Maira
  • 08-17-16

Absolutely brilliant. A must for troubled parents.

Would you listen to Hold On to Your Kids again? Why?

Yes. Because it is full of useful ideas that sometimes don't come naturally as parents and yet are real treasures to be reminded of on a regular basis.

What did you like best about this story?

The basic ideas of how attachment works and how it is affecting the way we parent nowadays.