We are currently making improvements to the Audible site. In an effort to enhance the accessibility experience for our customers, we have created a page to more easily navigate the new experience, available at the web address www.audible.com/access .
Stone Cold Bastards Audiobook

Stone Cold Bastards

Regular Price:$19.95
  • Membership Details:
    • First book free with 30-day trial
    • $14.95/month thereafter for your choice of 1 new book each month
    • Cancel easily anytime
    • Exchange books you don't like
    • All selected books are yours to keep, even if you cancel
  • - or -

Publisher's Summary

Only a rag-tag team of gargoyles stands between humanity and extinction.

Hell has released its ravening horde of demons, leaving most of humanity a puke-spewing, head-spinning mess of possession.

Humanity's last hope? A team of misfit gargoyles - including a cigar chomping, hard-ass grotesque - come alive and ready for battle during the End of Days. They guard the last cathedral-turned-sanctuary atop a bald knoll in the North Carolina mountains.

Gargoyle protection grudgingly extends to any human who can make it inside the sanctuary, but the power of the stonecutter blood magic, which protects the sanctuary, may not be enough when a rogue grotesque and his badly-wounded ward arrive.

All the hounds of hell are on their heels. The last sanctuary is about to fall.

©2017 Jake Bible (P)2017 Jake Bible

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.4 (24 )
5 star
 (12)
4 star
 (10)
3 star
 (2)
2 star
 (0)
1 star
 (0)
Overall
4.3 (24 )
5 star
 (11)
4 star
 (8)
3 star
 (5)
2 star
 (0)
1 star
 (0)
Story
4.6 (24 )
5 star
 (17)
4 star
 (5)
3 star
 (2)
2 star
 (0)
1 star
 (0)
Performance
Sort by:
  •  
    Bill 05-09-17
    Bill 05-09-17

    I am an avid reader and listener of horror and thrillers with the occasional SciFi and crime noir.

    HELPFUL VOTES
    74
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    122
    94
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    5
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Quick, fun and highly entertaining"

    Creatures made of stone and powered by ancient magics. Carved to fight. To protect. The wards under their care are in danger of being possessed by demons bent on world domination. Cathedrals are falling and things are getting dire. It’s up to the G’s to find a way to send them back to hell.

    I honestly should have hated this one. It should have been too YA’ey. Too hokey. Too fantasy. Much to my surprise, I really enjoyed it and it was none of those things. The only thing hokey about it, in fact, was me. That’s what I get for pre-judging a book. Bad, reader-dude. Bad.

    This was quick, fun and highly entertaining with an intriguing premise that was executed well.

    Jeff Hays narration of this one was spot on. There were several unique characters here and I can see where it may have been challenging to do them all without getting over the top or silly. I will admit that there are some synthesized voices here that took me a minute to get used to, but once I did, it fit the story nicely.

    Very well done all the way around. 3.5+ Audible Stars rounded up to 4 because I went into this with a poor attitude and the strength and originality of the work proved me wrong. A solid, good time, fun and quick listen.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    lbh Salt Lake City, UT United States 05-06-17
    lbh Salt Lake City, UT United States 05-06-17 Member Since 2010
    HELPFUL VOTES
    66
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    62
    9
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    1
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Grotesques and Gargoyles to the rescue!"
    Any additional comments?

    I received a copy of an audible version of this book from Jeff Hayes, the narrator and I'll definitely be looking for his books in the future! The gates of hell have opened and the Gargoyles and the Grotesques have awakened to protect the last of mankind. Our heros are guarding and protecting the last of mankind in a sanctuary, protected by magic. This is not to be missed if you like end of the world stories and are sick and tired of zombies! I started this book in the morning, and finished this afternoon while doing yard work. That's the great thing about an audible book, you don't have to stand still to listen. The story was great, the narration superb! Each character was given his own voice, his own individual personality. Stellar performance. Don't miss the book!

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Daniel Delgado Long Island, NY 04-22-17
    Daniel Delgado Long Island, NY 04-22-17 Member Since 2014

    Teacher and family man.

    HELPFUL VOTES
    19
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    58
    43
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Very Cool Story"

    There was a tremendous amount of action in this book, and the layers of storylines were distinct and enjoyable to follow. There was something of a Pulp Fiction disjointedness to the story's flow, as there were multiple flashbacks. It is easy enough to follow, as long as you are paying attention.

    Jeff Hays did a fabulous job narrating. Not only did almost every character have a unique voice (though some of the females sounded similar), but he put on appropriate accents. He also mixed in several different vocal effects that I haven't heard before. He was a joy to listen to, and a narrator I plan to follow.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    forever making history Virginia 04-11-17
    forever making history Virginia 04-11-17 Member Since 2016
    HELPFUL VOTES
    6
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    8
    8
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    1
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "wow"

    what a fabulous story line for those curious stone creatures that watch over us .great narration,and always kudos to Jake Bible

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Mary Karowski 05-16-17
    HELPFUL VOTES
    319
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    384
    361
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    9
    4
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "What the show gargoyles could have been!"

    The world has ended. The gates of hell have opened. Demons are taking
    Over humanity as puppet like
    Meatbags. Kill one, they go back to hell and come back in another body soon. There is sanctuary. Various churches with powerful gargoyles created by ancient stone cutters provide that. They are guarded by grotesques, granite carved statues imbued with power like the gargoyles but mobile. Yet they are falling, slowly but surely, one by one. Until...
    I was voluntarily provided this free review copy audiobook by the author, narrator, or publisher.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    MelHay Adamsburg, PA 05-12-17
    MelHay Adamsburg, PA 05-12-17

    Fantasy & UF reader/blogger/writer. Content Editor. Photographer. I prefer to live in my own version of the world,no matter how weird it is.

    HELPFUL VOTES
    162
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    173
    172
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    6
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "The last stand for the little bit of humanity left"
    Which character – as performed by Jeff Hays – was your favorite?

    How can I pick just one!?! I enjoy when Jeff gets a book he can showcase his vocal talents. And this is such a book! There are a few different characters and each are greatly different in voice and personality. Jeff even adds small extras to the characters with relation to what they are doing. When it's written that a character scuffs or smacks his lips, Jeff does the action. It's much more personal than hearing the words - bringing the story to life. Totally awesome work!


    Any additional comments?

    This isn't a high action read out of the gate, but it's crafted in the world creation and the G's (gargoyles and grotesques). I would have liked a few more small details added in the beginning to know the relation of the characters talking, but it all become apparent quickly as to the world and relationships. I would have liked a little bit of description or foreshadowing to details we suddenly get so they don't feel to come out of nowhere, but I enjoyed the book for the fun. The fighting picks up as the book goes. The fights are a bit bloody. But that happens when you have hard stone or marble fighting soft, human flesh. There is strong cursing too.

    The last stand for the little bit of humanity left on the world... Demons have almost taken over the world. This book all takes place in one day's time. We see Morty and his adventure along with what he finds. Then we see what's happened inside the Sanctuary while he's gone, with the siege and the teens leaving. Then both sections collide in a moment. We see the last Sanctuary with humans who're not possessed pull all they have to stand against the demons, and try one last effort to save what little is left of the world.

    This is a stand alone novel and ends as one. Cool. This way I'm not left wondering about anything. Though, there are a few questions as to the stone cutter, but that's my speculative thinking.

    We get to see a few different grotesques and gargoyles. They are all of different personality and bring something different to the protection they provide. They are all special in their own ways, a few more than others for fighting. The G's were made for this reason, and that's why they are alive now. I'm not sure why the G's don't try to save humans when the demons leave their bodies. Why not bring them into the sanctuary? I think there's something I'm missing after a demon already possesses a body. But they aren't necessarily to save people as they are to keep their sanctuary safe, and what's in it.

    We get to meet the people in this sanctuary. They are struggling to get by and tensions do run high in the world that's now restricted to a small area. The people we meet are different and have knowledge they bring to the story. They aren't ready to give up though.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer 05-07-17

    darknessdreaming

    HELPFUL VOTES
    16
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    58
    57
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Buckle up, you're in for a wild ride!"
    Any additional comments?

    This is the 4th or 5th book by Jake Bible that I've 'read'. He writes some crazy stuff, and this might just be the craziest yet. Please note that crazy does not mean bad in the least. This is a wild tale about the end of the world, hell on earth is upon us and the fate of humanity rests in the hands of ... gargoyles? Yep, stone gargoyles. (or more specifically Grotesques) I have to say my mind immediately jumped to the old Disney Gargoyles cartoon, which I remember rather fondly. The cast of characters is huge and the adventure is quite wild, with plenty of action. I kind of hope he writes a prequel. I'd love to see the world as it falls apart. Definitely an enjoyable tale

    This is the first book I've listened to narrated by Jeff Hays, but it most certainly will not be the last. As I mentioned above, this book has a huge cast and what is amazing is that Mr. Hays managed to give each of them a distinct voice. Love what he did with the twin fairy characters. Sometimes when narrators attempt to do so many voices it's a disaster, Hays pulls it off in spectacular fashion, flipping from one voice to the next and back, to the point you almost have to wonder if more than one person is doing the voices. As I said, I will definitely be checking out more of his work, in fact I've already checked out his body of work and noticed he's done several recordings for M.R. Forbes so I know I'll be listening to Mr. Hays again real soon.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Tara Kussler 05-07-17 Member Since 2015
    HELPFUL VOTES
    6
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    31
    11
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    1
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Jake Bible doing what he does best."

    Good book the story flows well and the reader is clear I would highly recommend more from this author. "This book was given to me for free at my request and I provided this voluntary review."

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    jean doe 05-20-17
    jean doe 05-20-17
    HELPFUL VOTES
    123
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    398
    398
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    3
    7
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Super Gargoyles..."
    Any additional comments?


    This story centers around a group of gargoyles that are out to save the day.

    The book was a quick read with a young adult feel to it.

    The story line had a bit of everything from humor, fantasy, action, and it was an overall well written story.


    Jeff Hays did well with the narration as usual.

    Note:
    "This audio book was provided by the author, narrator, or publisher at no cost in exchange for an unbiased review."

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Christine Newton 05-14-17
    HELPFUL VOTES
    25
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    52
    52
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    2
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "gargoyles and grotesques - there's a difference!"
    Any additional comments?

    This was an enjoyable story to listen to and I'd recommend it to folks who are interested in this genre. I thought that the characters were well drawn, the plot made sense, and the ending (though bittersweet) completed the story nicely.

    I found that the narration was a little slow, so I increased the playback speed and liked the results. It seemed that the characters' voices suited them better at a somewhat faster playback speed. This is not to be negative about Jeff Hays' narration, though! I'd definitely listen to him again, since he did such a great job differentiating voices that perfectly complemented the mental pictures that I had of each character! He's certainly one of the better narrators that I've listened do, when it comes to voicing multiple characters and other-gender characters. He's not just an audiobook narrator, he's a storyteller.

    I provided my opinion in exchange for a complimentary copy of the audiobook from the author, narrator, or publisher.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
Sort by:
  • Bethany McCann
    Preston
    5/16/17
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "An Enjoyable Break"

    I was voluntarily provided this review copy audiobook at no charge by the author, publisher, and/or narrator

    This audio book was an enjoyable break from the many romance and fantasy romance books I have read/listened to. A plain fantasy book that allowed me to become immersed in a world that has been taken over by demons from Hell.

    The narrator effectively portrayed a heavy character base and from the different in the voices I was easily able to ascertain which character I was listening to even though I struggled with remembering the many names of characters. That may simply be because I have not listened to a fantasy novel like this in a while.

    I have not heard a story like this before, the notion of 'G'S being used to save the world was an extremely interesting concept.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful

Report Inappropriate Content

If you find this review inappropriate and think it should be removed from our site, let us know. This report will be reviewed by Audible and we will take appropriate action.

Cancel

Thank you.

Your report has been received. It will be reviewed by Audible and we will take appropriate action.