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Goddamned Freaky Monsters Audiobook

Goddamned Freaky Monsters: The Tome of Bill, Book 5

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Publisher's Summary

There are reasons we fear the night. Now he's trying to stop them.

Three months have passed since the fateful encounter in New York City that ended with the disappearance of Bill Ryder - gamer, geek, and legendary vampire. Now he's back - reawakened halfway across the globe with no allies, clothing, or clue as to how he got there. The only thing he's certain of is that his captors plan to use him for their own nefarious ends and don't care how much blood they spill in the process.

Escape might be the least of his worries, though. Civilization teeters on the brink of chaos. Mythical beasts, once thought the stuff of fantasy, are breaking through the veil, intent on waging war against mankind. At their forefront stands an ancient evil, the last remnant of a people thought long dead, and it's about to cut a swath of destruction through the world not seen since biblical times.

Bill's only chance is to reclaim his life, reconcile with his friends, and muster every bit of attitude he can - because if he fails, Hell on Earth will become far more than just a corny saying.

©2014 Rick Gualtieri (P)2014 Rick Gualtieri

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.6 (880 )
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Performance
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  •  
    Cliff madison, MS, United States 08-13-14
    Cliff madison, MS, United States 08-13-14 Member Since 2016
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    "Good, but mainly a transition story"

    This is the 5th book in the Tome of Bill series. Getting right to the point, if you liked the previous books in this series you will like this one as well. If you did not like the previous books then why the heck have you continued this far into the series?

    The story is interesting and the humor is good. There is a bit of character development but not too much which is good as this series is supposed to be light and I'd hate to lose the fun and humor as the series progresses. Some of the character actions don't make great sense, then again stupid actions are Bill's trademark.

    Really I would have given this book 4 stars except that the conclusion of the story is sort of weak and it really is more of a setup for later stories than a true stand alone novel. I hate stories that are left hanging. It's one thing to have a meta-plot but quite another to leave the reader feeling like the story was not adequately resolved.

    The narrarator is good. He does one of the best smart-alec voices I have heard. He doesn't have the greatest range but his ability to bring out the humor more than makes up for other shortcomings. The problem with this one is the audio quality wasn't as good as the previous books. You could definitely could hear different volume levels as they switched tracks which is annoying and makes you turn your mp3 player up and down a good bit

    Other than that this is another fun and enjoyable book in the series. I am looking forward to the next one, but definitely hope for a better ending to the next book..

    5 of 5 people found this review helpful
  •  
    L. Ball 03-16-17
    L. Ball 03-16-17 Member Since 2017
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    "Read Sunset Strip before this one! Great Book"

    Sunset Strip is in this series but is the book to read before this one. Still really enjoying the series!

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jeremy R. Snyder 03-22-16
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Bill continues to please"

    Bill the vampire remains a hero you reluctantly love. And you can rest assured his adventures continue to play out enticingly in this latest volume. This is more of the quirky, dorky, and desperately fun stuff we've seen all through the series. The action, plot, and supporting cast do not disappoint.

    Mister Fetherolf continues to be the absolutely perfect voice for Bill; and his skill with sarcastic dialogue always lends just the right edge. That said, I continue to wish someone would review his recordings for pronunciation. His mispronunciations are frequent and glaring enough to disrupt the flow of the story.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Mark C Flynn 09-29-17 Member Since 2011
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    "Getting Tired"

    Honestly, I just don't think there is enough story here. I keep thinking there will be an end to this series, but it never comes.

    I enjoyed the first few. It was neat how they turned some of the vampire stereotypes sideways. I liked the characters and the 'family' (Sally, Ed and Bill) they built was neat.

    The first couple books felt like stand alone stories, but now they just feel like really long comic book issues.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Melissa and Josh USA 07-04-17
    Melissa and Josh USA 07-04-17 Member Since 2016
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    "When the Free-Will gets performance anxiety"

    Another entry into the wonderful world of Bill, the geek who lives a life some of us wish we could take a journey into. This book picks right up after the encounter with “The Icon” and finds Bill in a situation where his inner demon is suffering from “performance anxiety” and doesn't want to be summoned. This created an interesting twist for Bill as he awakens to find himself in Switzerland with Alexander, leader of the First Coven.

    Bill’s encounter in the domain of Alex was highly entertaining and brought about “Chuck” who also proved to be an interesting foe for our troubled free-will. Bill’s encounter leads him down a path that finds his best friends being given the chance to experience an up-close encounter with Bill’s world.

    To say that I have enjoyed this series would be an understatement. This is easily in the top three series I have listened to on Audible. Rick has a way with writing and I can’t wait to see what the next book has in store. Another 5-star entry as I ready myself for book 6. It saddens me to know the series has been wrapped up and that each book I listen to is another step closer towards “the end”.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jake Hartwell 01-06-17 Member Since 2016
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Warning!!!"

    Fair warning if you're going to listen to this series at work like I did: you WILL burst out laughing... repeatedly (assuming you, like me, appreciate quality toilet and sex humor). If anyone can listen to Bill demonstrate his convoluted thought processes to the Mighty Druaga without cracking up, they are made of stone... or maturity.

    Rick Gualtieri has created one of the most relatable characters in Urban Fantasy: Bill, the slightly out of shape, terrible with women, every-day normal programmer. I could have sworn he modeled the character after me. That is just one of the many reasons why these books are so entertaining...

    Another is Christopher John Fetherolf. He IS Bill. There simply was no better choice for narrator for this series.

    So kudos to both Gualtieri and Fetherolf for creating one of the most entertaining series in audio form... one which I have listened to at least a dozen times.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    James McKay Cleveland, OH United States 12-14-16
    James McKay Cleveland, OH United States 12-14-16 Listener Since 2004
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    "Freaky Good Fun"

    loved it. Bill's wit hits all the right notes. if you don't mind the blue humor this urban fantasy is for you.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    D.K. 11-15-16
    D.K. 11-15-16
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    "Tome of Bill"

    love this series of books. great listening. you won't be disappointed. the narrator is really good and easy to listen to

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer 09-14-16 Member Since 2016
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    "awesome narration ."

    narrator great. not the best book in the series but good. I would recommend it

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Lottie Duff 07-30-16
    Lottie Duff 07-30-16
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    "Loved it"

    Loved it. Downloading the next one Noe. I am hooked on all things "Bill the Vampire."

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
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  • Teddy
    London
    7/11/17
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Could have been a great trilogy"
    Is there anything you would change about this book?

    I'd make it less like a rehash of the previous books in the series.


    Would you be willing to try another book from Rick Gualtieri? Why or why not?

    I wouldn't be willing to try another in this series. By five books I've heard enough of them to know that they're all very samey. I suspect I could skip ahead to the very last book to find out how it ends, and not really miss anything major. The series would have made a great trilogy though


    Did Goddamned Freaky Monsters inspire you to do anything?

    Sadly, it inspired me not to continue with the rest of the series even thoguh I'd already bought them.


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  • Bracore
    6/10/16
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    "Fantastic series"

    Fantastic series that gets better and better with each book (I'm listening to the audio versions) adult humour and innuendo mixed in with great characters and a great story ark.

    Add Rick to your read / listen list you won't be disappointed.

    The narrator does a first class job also.
    A+++++

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  • Helen Ingall
    England
    4/29/16
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    "the tomb of bill Book 5"

    more antics and fun with Bill and his friends excellent read and I must get book

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful

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