Regretting Motherhood

A Study

By: Orna Donath

Narrated by: Mandy Kaplan

Length: 6 hrs and 22 mins

Publisher's summary

Women who opt not to be mothers are frequently warned that they will regret their decision later in life, yet we rarely talk about the possibility that the opposite might also be true - that women who have children might regret it. Drawing on years of research interviewing women from a variety of socioeconomic, educational, and professional backgrounds, sociologist Orna Donath treats regret as a feminist issue: as regret marks the road not taken, we need to consider whether alternative paths for women currently are blocked off. She asks that we pay attention to what is forbidden by rules governing motherhood, time, and emotion, including the cultural assumption that motherhood is a "natural" role for women - for the sake of all women, not just those who regret becoming mothers.

If we are disturbed by the idea that a woman might regret becoming a mother, Donath says, our response should not be to silence and shame these women; rather, we need to ask honest and difficult questions about how society pushes women into motherhood and why those who reconsider it are still seen as a danger to the status quo. Groundbreaking, thoughtful, and provocative, this is an especially needed book in our current political climate, as women's reproductive rights continue to be at the forefront of national debates.

©2017 Orna Donath (P)2018 North Atlantic Books

Critic reviews

"Donath breaks open what she describes as an 'unspoken taboo,' bringing the notion that women regret becoming mothers into the public discourse with her latest research....The most valuable elements of the book are the different perspectives provided by the interviews, which reflect a striking amount of self-awareness (and, often, suffering) from women who have otherwise largely kept silent." (Publishers Weekly)

"Forthrightly feminist ... Donath's study fills a gap in discussions of women's lives and choices. While it will undoubtedly be a hard pill for many to swallow, it is also a necessary one." (Foreword Reviews)

"Donath carves out a much-needed space for these women to share, in their own words, stories about how they got to where they are, and how they manage now. Mixed in with these interviews is analysis by Donath, who expertly examines and questions the structures of a capitalistic, patriarchal society that not only contributes to women finding themselves in this position, but also prevents them from speaking about it. Many have never heard sentiments like the ones shared by Donath's interviewees - and that needs to change." (BUST Magazine)

Fascinating!!

a must read to every women and person, parents, debating or non parents. Absolutely eye opening.

Necessary

Work like this is absolutely vital to seeing women as multifaceted people with complex emotions. Boldly and thoughtfully written.

outstanding

a thorough, invigorating, empathic research of one of the most tabue topics in our society, I finished it in two days and that doesn't happen often

Tough but meaningful

The research revealed in this book is eye opening. It gives a voice to women who had children but wished they hadn't. Most of these women love their children, but have found the role more or less miserable.

I walk away with these thoughts ...

Motherhood is overtly and covertly pushed on many women.

Women are not permitted to talk about their feelings of regret after motherhood, or warned, in advance, about the unhappiness, discontent ... that defines motherhood for some.

This mechanism is perpetuated by society to preserve the social order which depends on women having children and serving families selflessly for free.

The answer?

Perhaps, in part, more truth about motherhood sooner, so women have a better understanding of what motherhood can cost, so women can make better choices before becoming pregnant.

More acceptance for child free women, so its a valid choice without penalty.

Much more support for mothers, division of labor with fathers and such.

End goal - More happy, content women. More equitable society. More deeply desired and wanted children.

Well communicated

Semi easy listen because it's a lot of emotion to take in, but much needed listen for anyone who pressures others to become others, as well as anyone debating motherhood. Good narration.

Very needed

I've read this twice now, and it's still something that is so well written and needed for every person to know about.

Incredible! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

As a childfree woman who is constantly pressured and badgered to make choices I do not want, I found this book vindicative. Your important work has reaffirmed my own thoughts and decision to stay true to myself. Please continue your work - you are helping women everywhere! To the mothers who participated in this research, thank you from the bottom of my heart. you are the real heroes for speaking your truth.

Gives voice to the realities of motherhood

While it must be kept in mind that the subjects of this study were primarily Israeli women and their culture is very dogmatic around the subject of women having children it does reflect the attitude of society at large towards women's freedom of decision and agency over their own lives. You can choose not to be a mother but you must suffer the consequences of people opinions and judgment, is still not seen as a valid life choice to not want to be a mother. I am grateful to the women who shared their deepest feelings of ambivalence or just raw regret. Most things in life that we embark on without prior knowledge always fantasies even about what it will be like rarely live up to our imaginations and in the case of motherhood it is a permanent decision and someone should gather as much information from those who have actually experienced it as possible and this book allows a glimpse and an honest review of how some women feel about it

Eye opener

I hope this study becomes more and more available to young people so that they can make a more informed decision about becoming parents.

Juicy topic

Refreshing read! No judgments just factual real women having the courage to say how they feel. Be open minded when reading and listen to others perspective. Love this book!