Let’s be honest—when most folks picture retirement, it’s usually a straight couple named Chad and Karen sipping Chardonnay in Scottsdale. Cute for them. But what about you—still fabulous at 67, maybe rocking a part-time gig at a queer-owned café because your bank account missed the memo that you were done working?

On this week’s Queer Money, we’re ditching the tired, hetero retirement fantasy and giving you the real tea on how queer folks can retire fabulously (and actually afford it). We’re serving up a 5-step no-BS framework to take you from “fabulously stressed” to “financially fierce.”

Whether you’re figuring out your retirement number, learning how to pay your future self first, or just trying to make peace with the word “budget,” we’ve got you. Because your golden years shouldn’t be basic—or broke.

Retirement isn’t one-size-fits-all, especially for our community. So let’s stop trying to live someone else’s dream and start planning for yours. The goal? A future that fits you like your favorite pair of perfectly broken-in jeans. Or leather pants. We don’t judge.

1. Know Your Number 👛 - Guessing doesn’t cut it. Use the Happy Gay Retirement Calculator to figure out how much you need for the life you want.
2. Pay Your Future Self First 💸 - Even $25 a paycheck adds up. Start now so your 65-year-old self can sip cocktails, not stress.
3. Ditch Chad & Karen’s Plan ❌ - You’re not straight. Your retirement shouldn’t be either. Build a plan that fits your life.
4. Lasso Your Accounts 🤠 - Round up those stray 401(k)s. One place. One plan. So much easier to manage.
5. Pick Your Paradise 🏖️ - Palm Springs? Portugal? Start researching now so you can retire where you’ll live your best life.

• Download it here: queermoneypodcast.com/hgrcalc

Mentioned in this episode:

💛 Ready to slay your retirement game?

It's time to gather up those long-lost 401(k)s and 403(b)s like the financial Pokémon they are—with PensionBee! 🐝✨ PensionBee helps you find, combine, and invest your old accounts fabulously, with your own personal BeeKeeper guiding you every step of the way. Start building your Happy Gay Retirement—because queens don’t wing it, we plan it. 👑💼

Consolidate My Retirement Accounts and Save Money

Hola, Spain! You voted, we listened—and this week, we’re heading to the land of tapas, Gaudí, and gay beaches to reveal the Top 5 Cities in Spain for Gay Retirees!

From Malaga's chill beach vibes to Barcelona’s big gay energy, we’re breaking down:

• 🌈 The LGBTQ+ scene in each city
• 💸 Rent and cost of living
• 🏳️‍🌈 Our Queer Money® Retirement Rating
• And, of course, our favorite perks (hi, Bear Week in Sitges 🐻💦)

Spoiler alert: You can see Africa from your house, and yes, the best paella is in Valencia.

Whether you're dreaming of mañana mornings or plotting your fabulous early retirement, this is your Spanish gaycation starter pack. 🌴💃

🎧 Episode 592 is brought to you by PensionBee—helping you consolidate those old 401(k)s so you can plan your Happy Gay Retirement with ease. 🐝

📲 Tap that subscribe button, share with your wanderlust-y queer friends, and grab your Happy Gay Retirement Calculator in the episode description.

Next up: Mexico! But for now… stay fabulous. ✨

• 🗣️ Pro tip: Don’t be that American - Want the full Spanish fantasy? Learn the language. It’s sexy and respectful.
• 🏖️ Malaga = sun, culture, and cheap rent—but bring your Spanish dictionary - This coastal cutie is wallet-friendly, but English isn’t widely spoken. Time to practice those rolling R’s!
• 🍊 Valencia is laid-back luxe - It’s giving: beachy, artsy, and unapologetically queer—with fewer crowds and more charm than the big cities.
• 🎨 Madrid has it all—museums, parks, nightlife, and Pride with a capital P - Just watch for some recent political shade trying to dim its sparkle.
• Sitges is cute and uber gay - the small beachside town south of Barcelona where we gayed it up for three months in 2019
• 🏙️ Barcelona is big, bold, and fabulously gay - You’ll pay more for the privilege, but the culture, community, and queer life? Chef’s kiss.

• 0:00 - Intro - Don't be that American
• 0:25 - Malaga - Affordable and expat-friendly
• 2:13 - Valencia - Gorgeous and big
• 4:30 - Madrid - Packed with gays, the capital in the center of the country and hot, hot hot
• 6:52 - Sitges - The gay mecca of Europe and host of International Bear Week every September
• 9:37 - Barcelona - Arts, culture, beaches and a gay nightlife to please just about any gay

Mentioned in this episode:

💛 Ready to slay your retirement game?

It's time to gather up those long-lost 401(k)s and 403(b)s like the financial Pokémon they are—with PensionBee! 🐝✨ PensionBee helps you find, combine, and invest your old accounts fabulously, with your own personal BeeKeeper guiding you every step of the way. Start building your Happy Gay Retirement—because queens don’t wing it, we plan it. 👑💼

Consolidate My Retirement Accounts and Save Money

We’re getting real about what’s actually draining your retirement savings—and no, it’s not just brunch and bad decisions (though we’ll get there). First up: hookup culture. Apps like Grindr have us chasing dopamine hits instead of dividends, making it harder to think long-term when instant gratification is just a swipe away.

Next, let’s talk designer drama. From the outside, it’s giving “fabulous,” but inside the bank account? It’s giving “maxed out.” The pressure to flex with luxury brands can lead to spending that’s more about validation than value.

And finally, we’re unpacking the emotional baggage—guilt, shame, and that quiet voice saying we should be further along by now. Spoiler: You’re not alone.

Let’s ditch the shame, ditch the scarcity, and start building the fabulous future we deserve. 💅

• Swipe now, stress later. That instant gratification life? Cute in the moment, brutal for your retirement account.
• Silence = sabotage. Shame keeps a lot of gay men from talking about money—and that silence is costing us our futures.
• Label who? The obsession with luxury is serving looks—but also serving financial stress. That Gucci bag won't fund your golden years.
• Hookups cost more than cab fare. Casual flings might be fun, but they can seriously mess with your mental health and your money mojo.
• Keeping up with the Instagays? The pressure to be polished and perfect is pricey—and it’s stealing cash from your long-term goals.
• Opportunity cost is real, babe. Every dollar and minute you spend now is one less toward your dream retirement villa in Sitges.

Mentioned in this episode:

💛 Ready to slay your retirement game?

It's time to gather up those long-lost 401(k)s and 403(b)s like the financial Pokémon they are—with PensionBee! 🐝✨ PensionBee helps you find, combine, and invest your old accounts fabulously, with your own personal BeeKeeper guiding you every step of the way. Start building your Happy Gay Retirement—because queens don’t wing it, we plan it. 👑💼

Consolidate My Retirement Accounts and Save Money