Not Gay

Sex Between Straight White Men

By: Jane Ward

Narrated by: Dara Rosenberg

A straight white girl can kiss a girl, like it, and still call herself straight - her boyfriend may even encourage her. But can straight white guys experience the same easy sexual fluidity, or would kissing a guy just mean that they are really gay?

Not Gay thrusts deep into a world where straight guy-on-guy action is not a myth but a reality: There's fraternity and military hazing rituals, where new recruits are made to grab each other's penises and stick fingers up their fellow members' anuses; online personal ads, where straight men seek other straight men to masturbate with; and, last but not least, the long and clandestine history of straight men frequenting public restrooms for sexual encounters with other men. For Jane Ward, these sexual practices reveal a unique social space where straight white men can - and do - have sex with other straight white men; in fact, she argues, to do so reaffirms rather than challenges their gender and racial identity.

Ward illustrates that sex between straight white men allows them to leverage whiteness and masculinity to authenticate their heterosexuality in the context of sex with men. By understanding their same-sex sexual practices as meaningless, accidental, or even necessary, straight white men can perform homosexual contact in heterosexual ways. These sex acts are not slippages into a queer way of being or expressions of a desired but unarticulated gay identity. Instead, Ward argues, they reveal the fluidity and complexity that characterizes all human sexual desire. In the end, Ward's analysis offers a new way to think about heterosexuality - not as the opposite or absence of homosexuality but as its own unique mode of engaging in homosexual sex, a mode characterized by pretense, disidentification, and racial and heterosexual privilege.

Daring, insightful, and brimming with wit, Not Gay is a fascinating new take on the complexities of heterosexuality in the modern era.

©2015 New York University (P)2015 Audible, Inc.

Insightful sociology

Surprising, insightful and entertaining. The author takes you on a journey though a subject that is unfortunately taboo. she dares to hit the head of the nail with the hammer and call out years of repression of sexual fluidity.

A must read for all queers and men.

This is beautiful and revolutionary and life changing. I never thought it would be a queer woman that would open my eyes to things I was subconsciously aware of, but didn't have words for. It must have been fun research to slog through Craigslist personal ads and hazing porn.

Great topic... not a fan of the narration.

This is a great topic and most of the substance of the book is well written. My problem with it at times the voice of the writing as well as the narrator sounds very condescending towards straight men. As though the deeply ingrained messages men receive from society growing up are somehow each individual "white hetero male"'s own fault. I just don't like the attitude. This is a book that straight men should feel comfortable reading and I think they would just feel attacked most of the time listening. It should make a straight man feel more confident in their sexuality and I think I would feel more shame.

I also don't agree with some of the author's opinions on film. Her take on Superbad for instance, I feel she missed the whole point of the film. The two male protagonists, in my opinion... are not bumbling idiots and I think the film actually does a remarkable job at showing the tragedy of intimate male relationships fraying due to societal expectations. I almost cried at the end! I think the author mistakes complexity of personality and character for... weakness of character.

overall worth a listen or read though. I would've loved to hear a bit more science and research and perhaps even personal experiences.

Very interesting analysis

This was a very interesting and illuminating view of male sexuality. I’m going to have to buy a print copy for reference material.

Fun, Informative and Thought-Provoking

The audio version of this book is adorable: a wry wink of a read, rather like having Amy Poehler cast as a smart and funny, women studies professor. Dara Rosenberg does a great job with Jane Ward's cheeky (yet academic) text, to craft an engaging listen.

I first heard Dr Ward interviewed on Tristan Taormino's podcast back in August, and was surprised to hear how much sex "straight" guys were allegedly having with each other through Craig's List and other such venues. When the audio version came out, I got it mostly from curiosity about that, but came to enjoy the gender theory and other insights Ward brings to the subject, particularly her insights about the way that hegemonic masculinity conflates sexism and racism in a way which preserves its own sense of entitlement and exceptionalism. This is not just hypocrisy, but beyond that toward psychosis.

A bit academic at times, the audio version was still quite enjoyable, and has me thinking about sexual orientation and political performance differently than I did before. Fun, informative and thought-provoking.