• 400 Things Cops Know: Street-Smart Lessons From a Veteran Patrolman

  • By: Adam Plantinga
  • Narrated by: Mark Boyett
  • Length: 7 hrs and 4 mins
  • 4.4 out of 5 stars (2,993 ratings)

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400 Things Cops Know: Street-Smart Lessons From a Veteran Patrolman

By: Adam Plantinga
Narrated by: Mark Boyett
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Publisher's summary

How does it feel to be in a high-speed car chase? What is it like to shoot someone? What do cops really think about the citizens they serve? Nearly everyone has wondered what it's like to be a police officer, but no civilian really understands what happens on the job.

400 Things Cops Know shows police work on the inside, from the viewpoint of the regular cop on the beat - a profession that can range from rewarding to bizarre to terrifying, all within the course of an eight-hour shift. Written by veteran police sergeant Adam Plantinga, 400 Things Cops Know brings the listener into life the way cops experience it - a life of danger, frustration, occasional triumph, and plenty of grindingly hard routine work. In a laconic, no-nonsense, dryly humorous style, Plantinga tells what he's learned from 13 years as a patrolman, from the everyday to the exotic - how to know at a glance when a suspect is carrying a weapon or is going to attack, how to kick a door down, how to drive in a car chase without recklessly endangering the public, why you should always carry cigarettes, even if you don't smoke (offering a smoke is the best way to lure a suicide to safety), and what to do if you find a severed limb (don't put it on ice - you need to keep it dry.)

400 Things Cops Know deglamorizes police work, showing the gritty, stressful, sometimes disgusting reality of life on patrol, from the possibility of infection - criminals don't always practice good hygiene - to the physical, psychological, and emotional toll of police work. Plantinga shows what cops experience of death, the legal system, violence, prostitution, drug use, the social causes and consequences of crime, alcoholism, and more. Sometimes heartbreaking and often hilarious, 400 Things Cops Know is an eye-opening revelation of what life on the beat is really all about.

©2014 Adam Plantinga (P)2015 Audible Studios

What listeners say about 400 Things Cops Know: Street-Smart Lessons From a Veteran Patrolman

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Between Good and Evil is Where I Walk

I am one of those people that spend my Saturday mornings in my old blue bathrobe and a pair of scuffed slippers, cup of coffee in my hand, catching up on my important reading. No, not 'The New York Times' and 'The Harvard Business Review' - I listen to those during the week on Audible on my long commute. I mean 'The Onion' and 'Duffel Blog'; and, of course and almost obsessively, the lists of Cracked dot com. I blame Audible for the latter - I'd never heard of Cracked dot com until "You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News" (2014).

Adam Plantinga's "400 Things Cops Know: Street Smart Lessons from a Veteran Patrolman" (2014) fits right into my weekend reading. It's part sociology; part practical advice; and part philosophy, woven together with humor and pathos. Chapters include, "19 Things Cops Know About Working with the Public," with helpful advice for a cop not to yell back at the public because that means the public owns the cop. "17 Things Cops Know About Juveniles," is funny and sad, like Plantinga's observation that some parents seem to want medals for not giving their children up for adoption. Plantinga's seen tattooed 5th graders and armed grade schoolers. He describes frisking an eight year old burglary suspect as "frisking a frog." He muses on whether or not kids can form criminal intent, and whether arresting them is the right thing - and admits he doesn't know the answer. He hopes someone does.

Plantinga's dry wit and unperturbable style reminds me of Pulitzer Prize winner Edna Buchanan's nonfiction book "The Corpse Had a Familiar Face: Covering Miami, America's Hottest Beat" (1987). Plantinga and Buchanan love law enforcement with a refreshing lack of true cynicism. I reread Buchanan's book so many times the paperback cover came off in my hands. I'm glad my electronic copy of "400 Things Cops Know" won't wear out - well, because I've already listened to some parts again. If I actually write a book someday and if there's a cop in it, I want her to be believable. Writers like Joseph Wambaugh ("The Onion Field" (1973), etc.) and Lee Child ("Killing Floor" (1997), the Jack Reacher series) swear by the book.

This Audible Studios edition wasn't so great. Mark Boyett is a good performer, but this needed a proofreader, or, more aptly, a proof listen. There were places where text was repeated, and a few times the wrong word was read - like the word "deaf" for "dead." That's an editor issue, though, not a writer or performer problem.

The title of the review is a quote from the book - and Plantinga is quoting a partner.

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104 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Thank you, Adam Plantinga!

My dad volunteered with the police for around 20 years and did what he could to help the officers and detectives. A lot of this info is practical, some amusing but all of it is offered as a way to help those that the LEOs serve.
The good LEOs are there to protect, defend and comfort because that's who they are. Sometimes people see a uniform and it somehow removes the humanity and individuality of the wearer and makes them a blank canvas for the viewer's ideology. People need to see that human beings wash and put on that uniform so that they can take on more responsibility for the care of their designated areas. There are people who use the uniform for their own gains, but there are always people seeking positions of responsibility in order to gain power over people. We just have to remember that the uniform has power and commands respect because so many who have worn it before (and now) deserve it.
The book:
The narrator missed a couple of words but effectively conveyed the tone and intent of the text. Someone should have caught the errors. They weren't subtle: preSENT arms and conducive not conductive.
This was worth buying outright. It has a lot of valuable insights.
One quick tip I learned from a friend: Vicks Vaporub under the nose helps with strong odors.

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40 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Well Done. Misinformation present but minimal.

Where does 400 Things Cops Know: Street-Smart Lessons From a Veteran Patrolman rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

30-40

What was one of the most memorable moments of 400 Things Cops Know: Street-Smart Lessons From a Veteran Patrolman?

Sgt. Platinga put together a very refreshing, entertaining, "mostly accurate", accessible reality check for citizens. This isn't a book on how to beat the police. Sgt. Platinga does a great job of mixing in just the right amount of "misinformation" to protect a few necessary secrets and a few tricks of the trade. I will only give up one sample; Police cars are far from "mere Detroit steel with transmissions that fall out". Disclaimer: the quality, maintenance and dependability will depend on what ghetto you work in. However, even in the ghetto you're getting "hand me down" no smog, "enhanced" pieces of junk, which beat the local junk. *** It's a Great listen, listen to it a few times, you'll come away with a much better understanding of your local LEO and the nonsense they deal with, delivered in a very straightforward approach with a perfect dash of humor. It's not an easy job (I have it on good authority). Well done Adam!

Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

It made me smile. : )

Any additional comments?

Bad Cop, No Doughnut!

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40 people found this helpful

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    4 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Educational and Entertaining

I work in the medical field, many years in ERs, doing ride alongs with cops and perimedic, working in jail and prison. What the author writes about rings true....way too true. There's a lot of "necessary" cussing, in case you are very sensitive to that. The book is well written and perfectly performed, educational in its content, and even entertaining. I highly recommend it.

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Best Audio Book I have ever heard

What did you love best about 400 Things Cops Know: Street-Smart Lessons From a Veteran Patrolman?

This is a great audio book no matter who you are, what you are looking for from it, and what your background is. I'm not sure why I bought it, but I do have a lot of friends who are police, fireman, and paramedics. I always love hearing their stories around the campfire, so I assumed this would be similar. It was much, much more. I assumed there would be stories of cop vs. purp and how they took them down, and there were a few of those. But this was actually an intense ride through American sociology. It was absolutely hilarious at times, very sad at times, and thoroughly entertaining in general. I have listened to it several times now in my truck traveling. I have had people riding with me listen along as it just plays when my phone pairs and they later ask for the title so they can get a copy too. Adam Plantinga is a cop who is also a really great writer. Some things are stated in a matter of fact way without opinion or inference. Some things are stated and then the emotion triggered by these things in cops is stated, and stated very well. The narrator Mark Boyett read this book perfectly. Narrators can ruin a great book and I have experienced that a lot, but this one is a great book with a great narrator. I have about 30 books in my audible library now, and this one is by far my favorite. Most of the other books I listen to are about competition shooting, fitness, and business self improvement, so it is a surprise to me that this book, my favorite, falls a little outside what I am normally listening to. The 400 things are presented in chapters. Some of the things are very short, even one liners. Some are long stories. Some of the chapters may contain 13 things, or 25 things, for example, "25 things cops know about domestic violence", so the chapters are different and just the right size to keep your attention. There are also some unexpected chapters based on the title which are great surprises, like "things cops know about their co-workers". I recommend this book, hope that the author publishes more like it.

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A combination of interesting, funny, and tragic

Speaking as a civilian, I found the bite-sized snippets of information to be thoroughly entertaining. The author caused a range of responses alternating between laughter and forlorn and thoughtful silence and everything in between at different points in his writings. Great for a road trip ;-)

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  • VJ
  • 05-29-16

Narrator should have been a cop

If you could sum up 400 Things Cops Know: Street-Smart Lessons From a Veteran Patrolman in three words, what would they be?

All very true

What other book might you compare 400 Things Cops Know: Street-Smart Lessons From a Veteran Patrolman to and why?

The Choir Boys

Would you be willing to try another one of Mark Boyett’s performances?

Yes

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

No

Any additional comments?

Narrator should have been a cop. Cops talk in a monotone serious voice, even when telling a funny story. This comes from talking on the radio and the way they talk to each other. This narrators voice was like that of a citizen, lilting with lots of inflections...didn't sound like a cop. The book would have been better if the narrator sounded real. Comment from a 32 year retired 911 dispatcher.

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Enlightening and entertaining

What did you love best about 400 Things Cops Know: Street-Smart Lessons From a Veteran Patrolman?

99% of this book is interesting and entertaining. The only exceptions to this are the gritty and seamy examples of the dark side of life that cops are constantly exposed to. When not discussing the despairing side of life, the author shares many enlightening insights and made me laugh often. Having never been a policeman, I especially enjoyed how cops protect themselves by "reading" situations and people.

Which character – as performed by Mark Boyett – was your favorite?

Excellent narration. The only obvious mistake I noticed was his pronunciation of "Present Arms" during a funeral. It shouldn't be pronounced like a "Christmas Present", but rather the first syllable is stressed, as when you are "Presented" an award.

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    5 out of 5 stars
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100% accurate and true!

Where does 400 Things Cops Know: Street-Smart Lessons From a Veteran Patrolman rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

This is a true and accurate book about police work. It's funny!

What was one of the most memorable moments of 400 Things Cops Know: Street-Smart Lessons From a Veteran Patrolman?

The truthful accounts of what it's like to be a Police Officer.

What about Mark Boyett’s performance did you like?

He told it like it is. He told it the way it is written by the street Officer. He didn't appear to get in the way of the story.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

No, It was over a week or so.

Any additional comments?

This author deserves recognition for a story well written. In a time when Law Enforcement seems to be publicized only for it's perceived wrong doings. This book brings forth the true heroics of everyday patrol officers in this country. You wonder how anyone person could do this job without ever making a mistake or getting emotional.

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Excellent listen!

Written by a career law enforcement officer, it would seem, primarily for new rookies, this book will give civilians a short glimpse into what it's like to be a street cop. I highly recommend it.

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