Marry Him

The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough
Narrated by: Mia Barron
Length: 9 hrs and 20 mins
4.3 out of 5 stars (739 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

You have a fulfilling job, a great group of friends, the perfect apartment, and no shortage of dates. So what if you haven’t found The One just yet? Surely he’ll come along, right? But what if he doesn’t? Or even worse, what if he already has, but you just didn’t realize it?

Suddenly finding herself 40 and single, Lori Gottlieb said the unthinkable in her March 2008 article in The Atlantic: Maybe she, and single women everywhere, needed to stop chasing the elusive Prince Charming and instead go for Mr. Good Enough. Looking at her friends’ happy marriages to good enough guys who happen to be excellent husbands and fathers, Gottlieb declared it time to reevaluate what we really need in a partner.

Her ideas created a firestorm of controversy from outlets like the Today show to The Washington Post, which wrote, “Given the perennial shortage of perfect men, Gottlieb’s probably got a point."

By looking at everything from culture to biology, Gottlieb frankly explores the dilemma that so many women today seem to face—how to reconcile the strong desire for a husband and family with a list of must-haves so long and complicated that many great guys get rejected out of the gate.

Here Gottlieb shares her own journey in the quest for romantic fulfillment, and in the process gets wise guidance and surprising insights from marital researchers, matchmakers, dating coaches, behavioral economists, neuropsychologists, sociologists, couples therapists, divorce lawyers, and clergy—as well as single and married men and women, ranging in age from their 20s to their 60s. Marry Him is an eye-opening, often funny, sometimes painful, and always truthful in-depth examination of the modern dating landscape - and ultimately, a provocative wake-up call about getting real about Mr. Right.

©2010 Lori Gottlieb (P)2010 HarperCollins Publishers

Critic Reviews

"I wish I could round up every single woman I know and assign this book for discussion. Gottlieb helps women see how our cultural or private fantasies build up so many expectations that they destroy the possibility of real love and, eventually, marriage. Marry Him is a big fat lesson in how not to get in your own way. Any woman who wants to find true love and hasn’t been able to should read this book." (Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., relationship expert at Perfectmatch.com)

What listeners say about Marry Him

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Saved my marriage

My unrealistic expectations didn't stop at the wedding. Listening to this book taught me how to celebrate the amazing things in our marriage I was overlooking while judging our relationship based on messages I was getting from the media

32 people found this helpful

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Reality at its best!

A sixty-five year old, sophisticated woman introduced me to this book and at first I was skeptical. Her words keep haunting me. She kept repeating:"You don't need a ten to get married, an eight is great!" I was curious as to what made her get married again at such a matured age? Here I was, 37 and I could't even get a date!
I met a guy but treated him like a friend as I worked abroad and did not see him as a potential someone. To my ignorance, he was falling in love with me and my standoffish attitude made him want me more.
While listening to this audio book, I realized that what I thought was not my type, might just be my type!
I listened to the book twice just to make sure.
Happy to say, I am now in a committed relationship with a man who adores me. He showers me with love and attention. He is loving and caring. And to think I almost made a mistake of letting him pass just because I had a higher opinion of myself and what I deserved, I thought he is too quiet and I thought he was too scrawny!
I now say:"Bring it on!" He turned out to be the love of my life.
I would never have been able to find love had I not changed my opinion about dating. This book states the reality of how we see love. I would definitely recommend this book!!! It changed my life!

31 people found this helpful

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Turned my entire perspective around

At 58 I was about to let go of Mr Good Enough. I took an honest look at myself and our situation and I realized he’s not that bad and I’m not that great. I feel happy and relieved.

18 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars

couldn't stop listening!

it was insightful, educational, with numerous ah ha! moments.... almost made me sad... and for a second feeling hopeless, but in the end inspired! thank you for sharing your reality. I truly related on quite a few levels,. It's time to accept how it is, and change what I have the power to do differently 👍

8 people found this helpful

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Better than I expected.

I’m a male psychologist who coaches a lot of men and women in dating. I have worked with many a smart, attractive women who couldn’t seem to find a man to marry. So the subject of the book seemed relevant. What got me to buy it is that it was described as funny and readable. But in reading it, I found it was funny, and also well researched and insightful. I will recommend this book.

6 people found this helpful

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Hypergamy explained at its finest!

This book is about hypergamy and the grass is always greener approach. This book is not so much on settling as it is towards picking the right traits that matter for a long-term relationship.

13 people found this helpful

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Good Book

I enjoyed this book. My daughter is reading it. I purchased so we could share our thoughts. I have been married for nearly 38 years. I really feel for women at this time because it is tough, for both genders. This author takes the time to go through so many areas. It is very informative. Narration good. Thanks

5 people found this helpful

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If marriage is in your wishlist, this is a must

First, I was angry at some of the things she stated... I don't agree with some of the arguments presented in this book, I think that not all women want to get married and have children at all and thats ok. However, all the research and insight given in this book is very valuable and so true that it bothers you. I ended up liking it because it allowed me to analyze myself and see how I have a lot of what she describes. It is very reveiling and I think that if you are woman that wishes to get married and have a family this book is a must! if you don't, I would still recommend this just to be able to look at yourself in a different light and improve yourself for your own good.

3 people found this helpful

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amazing audio! not boring. perfect nuggets

so well read and amazing insight into dating. it was so eye opening. women focus on all the wrong things in men

2 people found this helpful

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very useful!

very useful, straight forward, and thought provoking. practical stories that encourage self reflection. worth the easy read!

2 people found this helpful

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  • Rob A
  • 02-16-16

Educational

This was my first audible book and enjoyed it, recommended by a friend. loved it

1 person found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 07-28-20

mixed

I liked aspects of this book, and the overall message about open mindedness, but disliked emphasis on how little "value" older women have in the dating world.

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 04-15-20

Worth a read single ladies!

As a budding match maker, this book is everything a girl needs to land a husband! Witty, enlightening cut throat honest it gives the single, entitled, husband hunting woman the slap in the face she needs. Hey girls £7.99 for a husband really isn’t going to break the bank! Now get real and read!

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  • Phillip
  • 01-29-20

Such an amazing book for woman and men :)

I loved this book, It was so informative with many practical stories and that made me think allot about my dating habits and those of my friends. A must read/listen Wonderfully narrated by Mia Barron. Thank you Lori Gottlieb for writing this book :)

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  • Mr John
  • 06-28-19

View from a single guy

As a late 30s single guy I was interested in this book to see the other side of the fence. The audiobook is aimed at women who would like to be married and have a family. The key points are As a women you have a biological clock where after 35 is seen as old and 40 as past it from the point of view of guys. In your 20s you are attractive to a wide range of men including men the same age. As you hit you late 30s and 40s men start to look to younger women and the only guys you can date are a lot older (in their 50s) Therefore best to make the most of things when you are young. She makes the case for settling and then falling in love over time. She highlights that this is not a sellout of what you want but a recognition that no one person my meet all your needs. She suggests that it is better to pick someone who meets your real needs such as understanding each other, wanting to raise a family, availability, kindness and generosity rather than looks, identical interests and an outstanding career. This settling is better that wishing for that elusive soulmate that probably does not exist or may not be interested in you. She highlights that many people are too picky when looking for a match and that it is hard to tell the true qualities that you are looking for from online profiles. She suggests giving guys the benefit of the doubt and getting to know them first rather than judging them before you know them and writing them off. In someways the real target audience of this book should be women in their 20s as a guide for how to make the best long term choices while the biological clock is on your side. It is a good listen with plenty of personal stories and good narration. Highly recommended to all.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 03-15-19

Informative yet repetitive.

I found the ending didn't leave me with much of a conclusion. The stories were great which made the point but I guess it could have been done in a shorter version. Nice and informative overall!

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  • Anonimo Nonlodico
  • 04-25-16

Excellent!

Interesting, intelligent, well written and funny book on an important and misunderstood subject. At the very least it will make you think, even if you end up disagreeing with it. Recommended listen to all young people and single people of all ages.

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  • Leis
  • 06-24-17

Loved this

I listened to this book again as soon as I'd finished it, it makes a lot of sense and has definitely made me look at how I date and pick or reject potential partners. I was uncomfortable and confronted by parts of this book but anything which I think is the authors intent. Get past the title she's not saying to settle for someone you don't like, rather she encourages you to stop focusing on the little things and to give a guy a proper chance.

I loved the narration, very entertaining!

1 person found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 07-18-19

Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

I really enjoyed this audiobook & found it very interesting. I agree with the need for compromising in a relationship as no one is perfect. I agree with the book that compromising is not the same as settling. However, I do think the author is far more fussy in her dating life than the average person. Even if someone is “picky” I think the author Lori is beyond picky. There is a such thing as relationship obsessive compulsive disorder & I think Lori falls in this category. If anyone relates strongly to Lori’s views & judgements you probably need some therapy.