http://www.sherylkline.com/blog

If you consider the research, only about 7% of what we say is interpreted through our actual words.

Everything else is interpreted through our tone, our gestures, our body language, how we move, how we hold ourselves ... and even the cadence and tone of our voice.

So before I share three nonverbal cues that can quietly take away from your ability to influence, I want to start with something I know you’ve heard me say before:

Whatever you’re thinking comes out of your mouth.

In other words ... your mindset is the precursor to being able to influence successfully. Every time, it will impact how others will feel about what you have to say.

Get Your Head in the Game First

It’s very difficult for other people to be confident in us, trust us, and buy into what we’re saying when we are not confident in ourselves.

Let me give you a real example.

One of my clients, "Sue" (not her real name) is a rising female executive who is essentially creating a VP position for herself. She has been doing the role for a long time ... she just hasn’t had the title. And as you can imagine, that can create some wobble in salary and compensation conversations.

Do I negotiate like I’m new to being a VP ... or do I negotiate like the seasoned VP I already am?

The truth is: she has been doing the work for a year and believes she has the experience of a more seasoned VP. The problem: Her mindset did not match her reality. Initially, ‘Sue’ was uncertain about how her leadership viewed her experience. Would her leadership view her as a Sr. Director and therefore a new and incoming VP?

If she was uncertain, that feeling would show up and have an impact prior to her negotiation with her boss.

Instead, she shifted to: “I am a VP. I have been operating at this level. I am negotiating as a seasoned leader who will be able to have a more bold impact on the organization in this VP role..”

That clarity and confidence changes everything ... including how you show up, how you speak, and how others respond to you.

Once your mindset is ready to convey what you are asking for,, then you can fine tune the nonverbal cues that either strengthen or weaken your influence.

The Three Nonverbal Cues That Can Take Away From Your Influence

1) Closed Body Structure

A closed posture communicates uncertainty, discomfort, and a lack of safety ... even if that’s not what you intend.

Think about crossed arms. Hunched shoulders. A collapsed chest. Legs tightly crossed. A posture that says, “I’m protecting myself."

What we want instead is an open stance.

If you’re on Zoom, that means you want your shoulders open, your hands visible, and your body oriented toward the person you’re speaking to.

If you’re in person, it’s the same idea ... open stance, grounded feet, and a posture that communicates, “I belong here.”

2) Inconsistent or Avoiding Eye Contact

This one is tricky because many of us do it without realizing it. And yes ... I catch myself doing it too sometimes.

But here’s why it matters.

If you’re looking around, darting your eyes, getting distracted, or avoiding eye contact, the other person often experiences it as uncertainty. They can also experience it as a lack of honesty or commitment.

Now to be clear, we are not aiming for a stare. That’s not the goal.

What we want is steady, natural eye contact that communicates focus and presence. Nod to indicate engagement and engagement.

If you have a crucial conversation coming up, practice.

Practice with someone you trust. Practice on Zoom. Practice in a mirror if you need to.

Because you might have a habit you’ve never noticed ... and awareness is half the work.

3) Micro Signs of Self Soothing

This is t

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Have you ever walked into a meeting prepared, thoughtful, ready to contribute ... and then left feeling dismissed?

It is incredibly frustrating.

And, I want you to hear this clearly:

Your voice matters. It matters more now than ever.
And you deserve to be heard, valued, and respected in the rooms you are in.

The good news is this does not have to keep happening. There is a proven process to reduce those moments and increase your influence without needing to become louder, sharper, or someone you are not.

Here are two strategies you can start using immediately.

1) Get Clear on Your Message ... and the Meaning Behind It

Before we talk tactics, let's talk about mindset. Not in a vague motivational way ... in a practical, performance based way.

I want to share a simple parable that makes this point.

There are three people laying bricks.

Someone walks up to the first and asks, “What are you doing?”
She says, “I’m laying bricks.”

They ask the second person the same question.
She says, “I’m building a place of worship.”

Then they ask the third.
She says, “I’m building direct communication with God.”

This is not a religious statement. It’s a meaning statement.

Same work. Same bricks. Same room.

Different perceived purpose. Different power.

And when you are going into a room where you might be dismissed ... it is critical to decide ahead of time what your message means.

Are you walking in thinking, “This is just one more update”?

Or are you walking in knowing, “This point protects the team, improves the outcome, reduces risk, saves time, increases performance”?

Because when you assign real meaning to your message, you show up differently.

You speak with more certainty.
You take up appropriate space.
You stay grounded when tension shows up.

So before your next meeting, get clear on three things:

What exactly do I need to say?
Why does it matter to the team, the leader, or the business?
What will be lost if I do not express it?

When you do this, you’re not just “sharing an idea.” You’re advancing something that matters.

2) Use a Simple Interruption Script That Protects the Relationship and Reclaims the Floor

Now let’s talk about what happens when you get interrupted or spoken over.

This is common, especially for women. And research also shows it can happen even more for women who are further marginalized within our gender.

Let's change that.

It makes sense that you would feel frustrated or angry when interrupted. That reaction is human.

The problem is ... when emotions go up, performance goes down in us AND in the other person.

So here’s a strategy that helps you interrupt the interruption ... while staying composed.

It comes from Chris Voss, and it’s called an "Accusations Audit™."

The concept is simple: you say out loud what you think the other person might be thinking about you in that moment. When you name it, it often releases its power.

Here’s what it can sound like:

“You might think I’m being rude for interrupting, but would it be unreasonable if I finish what I was saying?”

Let’s break down why this works:

You acknowledge the social tension they might be feeling.
You show respect without shrinking.
You redirect the conversation back to you in a calm, confident way.
You make it easier for them to adjust without feeling attacked.

And yes ... many times people do not even realize they are doing it. That does not make it acceptable, but it does give you a way to respond strategically instead of emotionally.

The Real Goal ... Influence With Integrity

If being dismissed keeps happening, it's helpful to

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My young memories of the holidays were a little tricky and not always as joyous as I imagined they were for everyone else.

If that’s you during this holiday season, I’m sending big hugs and deep gratitude for being a part of the Fearless Female Leadership family.

If you’re relaxing and enjoying family and friends, I’m also sending the same to you, and I truly believe that time is the absolute best gift of all!

Without you, there would be no Fearless Female Leadership community. As we approach 10 years of this work (speaking from stages, coaching incredible female executives and their teams, and now leading peer advisory masterminds) I’m in awe of the compounded impact that you all have had!

Thank you for showing up.

Thank you for speaking up.

Thank you for leading with courage, heart, and impact… often in rooms that ask more of you than they should.

I also want to share a few milestones I’m celebrating with The Zone Lab. We’ve formed new partnerships with Women in Securitization, Women in Product, and we renewed our partnership with Athena Alliance. All are organizations deeply aligned with advancing women in leadership.

One highlight I’m especially excited about: I’ll be leading a Rising Stars peer advisory cohort with Women in Securitization. It’s a powerhouse group of 12 high-potential female leaders on the fast track to executive roles. We’ll be working together in a hybrid format… meeting in person at their conference in February, gathering virtually throughout the year, and culminating with an in-person mastermind celebration in New York City next December. I couldn’t be more energized by this work.

On a personal note, there have been some meaningful moments at home too. My son Dan just turned 30 (which feels impossible), and I couldn’t be prouder of him (or of his siblings, Ryan and Megan.) My husband Scott also had a big birthday (I’ll just say it’s double Dan’s 😉).

And while my heart is a little heavy, my daughter Megan is moving from San Diego back to San Francisco. Sad for me, exciting for her, and I know she’s where she’s meant to be. As of this writing, she’s deep in final rounds of interviews for Salesforce, Baseten, and a couple others. Fingers crossed!

As we head into the holidays, please know this: I am deeply grateful for you and for the leadership you bring into the world.

Wishing you and your family health, happiness, and joy this season.

Happiest Holidays and cheering you on always,
- Sheryl