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Johnny Would You Love Me If My Dick Were Bigger
- Narrated by: Brontez Purnell
- Length: 3 hrs and 16 mins
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Johnny Would You Love Me If My Dick Were Bigger
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Publisher's summary
"Brontez is a raw tongue of flame blazing through all the blatant fakery and insincere bullshit of today’s gay/music/human scene. This audacious non-memoir burnt the hair off the back of my neck and had me rolling with glee.” (S.F. Bay Guardian)
A dirty cult-classic put out in a small batch by an underground publisher (Rudos and Rubes) in 2015, Johnny Would You Love Me If My Dick Were Bigger recounts the life of an artist and “old school homosexual” who bears a big resemblance to author Brontez Purnell. Our hero doesn’t trust the new breed of fags taking over San Francisco, though. They wear bicycle helmets, seat belts, and condoms. Meanwhile, he sabotages his relationships, hallucinating affection while cruising in late night parks, bath houses, and other nooks and crannies of a newly conservative, ruined city.
Furiously original, vital, and messy, this funny “non-memoir” uncovers a revelatory truth for the age: There are things far scarier than HIV.
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 236
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 237
There was a time when Ralphie May was one of the biggest stand-up comedians in the country, both by ticket sales and by tonnage. While some things changed - Ralphie lost half his body weight - others did not: He will be remembered as one of the most successful comics of his time. Completed just months before his untimely passing, in This Might Get a Little Heavy, Ralphie takes listeners on a behind-the-scenes tour of his life and career, one that winds across the country, over obstacles, beyond heartbreak, and through the golden age of stand-up.
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5 out of 5 stars
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brilliant and tragic
- By Timothy Trujillo on 08-12-18
By: Ralphie May, and others
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Trejo
- My Life of Crime, Redemption, and Hollywood
- By: Danny Trejo, Donal Logue
- Narrated by: Danny Trejo, Donal Logue
- Length: 13 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 2,354
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 2,132
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Story5 out of 5 stars 2,134
On screen, Danny Trejo the actor is a baddie who has been killed at least a hundred times. He’s been shot, stabbed, hanged, chopped up, squished by an elevator, and once, was even melted into a bloody goo. Off screen, he’s a hero beloved by recovery communities and obsessed fans alike. But the real Danny Trejo is much more complicated than the legend.
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5 out of 5 stars
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The best book ever!
- By Nicolas Rocha on 07-08-21
By: Danny Trejo, and others
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The Death of Cool
- From Teenage Rebellion to the Hangover of Adulthood
- By: Gavin McInnes
- Narrated by: Gavin McInnes
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 1,187
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,049
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Story5 out of 5 stars 1,049
This is his story, or, rather, stories - lots of them, and all gut-punchingly hilarious, from that first far reach into a girl's tight jeans to turning forty with a cataclysmic party. In between you’ll hear about acid trips, threesomes, Nazi skinheads, his band Anal Chinook (Inuit for “warm wind”), Martians in northern Canada, throwing pedophiles in jail, dinner with the Clash, what happens when you crash Bill Maher's show wasted, and the true story of Vice magazine.
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5 out of 5 stars
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if you don't buy this book, the terrorists win
- By Kelsey Gholi on 04-03-17
By: Gavin McInnes
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Harley Loco
- A Memoir of Hard Living, Hair, and Post-Punk from the Middle East to the Lower East Side
- By: Rayya Elias
- Narrated by: Christina Delaine
- Length: 9 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 27
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 25
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Story4 out of 5 stars 25
When she was 7, Rayya Elias and her family fled the political conflict in their native Syria, settling in Detroit. Bullied in school and caught between the world of her traditional family and her tough American classmates, she rebelled early. Elias moved to New York City to become a musician and kept herself afloat with an uncommon talent for cutting hair. At the height of the punk movement, life on the Lower East Side was full of adventure, creative inspiration, and temptation.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Not crazy about the voice actor
- By devon on 11-01-23
By: Rayya Elias
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The Filthy Truth
- By: Andrew Dice Clay, David Ritz
- Narrated by: Bruce Rubenstein
- Length: 8 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 156
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 137
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 138
In this unapologetic and uncensored autobiography, Andrew Dice Clay is ready to set the record straight. He was the eighties’ answer to Lenny Bruce, with material that stretched the boundaries of decency and good taste to their breaking point, and in turn became the most vilified stand-up comic of all time.
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5 out of 5 stars
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The Diceman Returns!
- By Steven D. Sorrell on 03-26-15
By: Andrew Dice Clay, and others
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Digging Up Mother
- A Love Story
- By: Johnny Depp - foreword, Doug Stanhope
- Narrated by: Doug Stanhope and Friends
- Length: 12 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 3,972
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,647
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 3,640
Doug Stanhope is one of the most critically acclaimed and stridently unrepentant comedians of his generation. What will surprise some is that he owes so much of his dark and sometimes uncomfortably honest sense of humor to his mother, Bonnie.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Not my thing.
- By J. Harral on 01-27-18
By: Johnny Depp - foreword, and others
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Dirty Thirty
- By: Asa Akira
- Narrated by: Veronica Worthington
- Length: 5 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 156
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 142
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Story4 out of 5 stars 140
As she contemplates turning 30 years old while still being in the adult film trade, Asa Akira, author of the best-seller Insatiable, delves into her past, present, and future, exploring the events that brought her to where she is now and the surprising and insightful plans she has for her future. Internationally known as a porn star, Akira's perceptive, funny, and straightforward writings on love, sex, death, marriage, and celebrity come together in a surprising book of essays.
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5 out of 5 stars
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this was fun I'm going to buy her other book 2
- By Sir Lawrence on 01-09-19
By: Asa Akira
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My Appetite for Destruction
- Sex, and Drugs, and Guns N' Roses
- By: Steven Adler, Lawrence C. Spagnola - with
- Narrated by: Peter Berkrot
- Length: 9 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 344
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 309
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 308
From Steven Adler, the original drummer for Guns N' Roses, comes My Appetite for Destruction, the inside story of GNR. Offering a different perspective from the bestselling Slash, Adler chronicles his life with the band, and own intense struggle with addiction, as seen on Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab and Sober House.
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4 out of 5 stars
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TERRIBLE NARRATION
- By SNAFU666 on 02-04-21
By: Steven Adler, and others
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You're Making Me Hate You
- A Cantankerous Look at the Common Misconception That Humans Have Any Common Sense Left
- By: Corey Taylor
- Narrated by: Corey Taylor
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,161
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,050
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,046
In the tradition of the late, great George Carlin, Corey Taylor, the lead singer of Slipknot and Stone Sour, sounds off in hilarious fashion about the many vagaries of modern life that piss him off. Whether it's people's rude behavior in restaurants and malls, the many indignities of air travel, eye-searingly terrible fashion choices, dangerously clueless drivers, and - most of all - the sorry state of much modern music, Taylor's humor and insight cover civil society's seeming decline.
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5 out of 5 stars
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New perspective.
- By jeremy on 09-22-15
By: Corey Taylor
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What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker
- A Memoir in Essays
- By: Damon Young
- Narrated by: Damon Young
- Length: 8 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 590
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 528
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 528
For Damon Young, existing while Black is an extreme sport. The act of possessing Black skin while searching for space to breathe in America is enough to induce a ceaseless state of angst where questions such as “How should I react here, as a professional black person?” and “Will this white person’s potato salad kill me?” are forever relevant. What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Blacker chronicles Young’s efforts to survive while battling and making sense of the various neuroses his country has given him.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Reviewed by a B
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Before We Were Wicked
- By: Eric Jerome Dickey
- Narrated by: Dion Graham
- Length: 9 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 738
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 652
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 653
They say the love of money is the root of all evil, but for Ken Swift, it's the love of a woman. Ken is 21, hurting people for cash to try to pay his way through college, when he lays eyes on Jimi Lee, the woman who will change the course of his entire life. What's meant to be a one-night stand with the Harvard-bound beauty turns into an explosion of sexual chemistry that neither can quit. And when Jimi Lee becomes pregnant, their two very different worlds collide in ways they never could have anticipated.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Mixed feelings on this one
- By Av8ist on 07-28-19
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Be a Man
- The Ultimate Guide
- By: The Be a Man Guy
- Narrated by: The Be a Man Guy, John Fiore
- Length: 3 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 50
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 45
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Story5 out of 5 stars 45
On Tik Tok, Instagram, and his podcast, The Be a Man Guy discusses what it takes to be a man. Now, this funny and insightful book showcases all new stories, vignettes, anecdotes, and pearls of wisdom.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Be a Man
- By David S. on 10-05-23
By: The Be a Man Guy
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Permanent Midnight
- A Memoir (20th Anniversary Edition)
- By: Jerry Stahl, Nic Sheff - foreword
- Narrated by: Jerry Stahl, Scott Merriman
- Length: 11 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 72
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 70
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 69
A searing confessional infused with the darkest humor, Permanent Midnight chronicles the opiated abyss of a Hollywood screenwriter and his formidable climb into sobriety. Made into a major motion picture starring Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson, Permanent Midnight is revered by critics and an ever-growing cult of devoted fans as one of the most compelling contemporary memoirs.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Point deduction for the recording
- By Amazon Customer on 11-21-20
By: Jerry Stahl, and others
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I Don’t Care about Your Band
- What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I’ve Dated
- By: Julie Klausner
- Narrated by: Julie Klausner
- Length: 6 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 339
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 307
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Story4 out of 5 stars 309
In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care about Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love - and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage. I Don't Care about Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Shopping for Men at the Wrong Mall
- By Pamela Harvey on 01-02-13
By: Julie Klausner
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Sober Stick Figure
- A Memoir
- By: Amber Tozer
- Narrated by: Amber Tozer
- Length: 5 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 244
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 217
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Story4 out of 5 stars 215
Sober Stick Figure is a memoir from stand-up comedian Amber Tozer, chronicling her life as an alcoholic - starting with her first drink at the age of seven - and her eventual recovery. Amber writes about the crazy and harsh truths of being raised by alcoholics, becoming one herself, stagnating in denial for years, and finally getting sober.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Author's voice unbearable
- By Kylee on 12-09-16
By: Amber Tozer
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Before You Suffocate Your Own Fool Self
- By: Danielle Evans
- Narrated by: Daniel Deadwyler, Jeanette Illidge, Je Nie Fleming, and others
- Length: 6 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 32
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 30
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 28
Striking in their emotional immediacy, the stories in Before You Suffocate Your Own Fool Self are based in a world where inequality is reality but where the insecurities of adolescence and young adulthood, and the tensions within family and the community, are sometimes the biggest complicating forces in one's sense of identity and the choices one makes.
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4 out of 5 stars
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things we do to oursekves
- By Jamintel on 02-06-23
By: Danielle Evans
What listeners say about Johnny Would You Love Me If My Dick Were Bigger
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Michael Lamontagne
- 06-26-23
Fantastic
I’m rarely moved to leave reviews on here, but this book is quite wonderfully written and read. I will be reading all Brontez’s work ASAP based on how much I enjoyed this
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
- Scott King
- 01-07-23
lifechanging and laugh out loud funny
This guy is so inspiring. It is laugh a minute funny and infinitely quotable. I've listened to it 3 times now hes my new favorite writer and such an inspiration!!!
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