It’s Not You, It’s the Dating Apps

By: Jerry Banfield

Narrated by: Jerry Banfield

It’s Not You, It’s the Dating Apps is the book I wish someone had handed me years ago, back when I was wasting thousands of hours swiping on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Match, OkCupid, Plenty of Fish, and even Facebook Dating, wondering why online dating felt so hopeless. After getting divorced, becoming a sober single dad, and listening to countless men and women in real life talk about their dating struggles, I finally saw the truth: nothing is wrong with me, and nothing is wrong with you—the problem is the dating apps themselves.

In this brutally honest book, I share why these platforms feed us bots, contractors, catfish, scammers, marketing funnels, and fake “likes,” how they weaponize rejection, how they destroy confidence, and how they keep us swiping instead of actually meeting anyone. Modern dating has become algorithm dating, and the more time and money you give the apps, the worse your results get. I explain why good women and good men rarely connect online, why dating after divorce is even harder on apps, and why real-world connection always beats digital matching. Most importantly, I share the twenty-five real-life ways I’m now meeting women without apps—fitness classes, yoga, run clubs, museums, co-working spaces, volunteering, spiritual communities, dinner parties, dog parks, travel, and even just saying hi at Whole Foods.

This book isn’t from a dating coach; it’s my raw, sober, first-person account of walking away from online dating and rebuilding my love life through actual human connection. If you’re tired of swiping, tired of feeling invisible, tired of dating burnout, and ready to meet people in person again, this book will show you exactly how I’m doing it—and why deleting the apps might be the best thing that ever happens to you.

©2025 Jerry Banfield (P)2025 Jerry Banfield