I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself

A Novel

By: Marisa Crane

Narrated by: Bailey Carr

Dept. of Speculation meets Black Mirror in this lyrical, speculative debut about a queer mother raising her daughter in an unjust surveillance state

In a United States not so unlike our own, the Department of Balance has adopted a radical new form of law enforcement: rather than incarceration, wrongdoers are given a second (and sometimes, third, fourth, and fifth) shadow as a reminder of their crime—and a warning to those they encounter. Within the Department, corruption and prejudice run rampant, giving rise to an underclass of so-called Shadesters who are disenfranchised, publicly shamed, and deprived of civil rights protections.

Kris is a Shadester and a new mother to a baby born with a second shadow of her own. Grieving the loss of her wife and thoroughly unprepared for the reality of raising a child alone, Kris teeters on the edge of collapse, fumbling in a daze of alcohol, shame, and self-loathing. Yet as the kid grows, Kris finds her footing, raising a child whose irrepressible spark cannot be dampened by the harsh realities of the world. She can’t forget her wife, but with time, she can make a new life for herself and the kid, supported by a community of fellow misfits who defy the Department to lift one another up in solidarity and hope.

With a first-person register reminiscent of the fierce self-disclosure of Sheila Heti and the poetic precision of Ocean Vuong, I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself is a bold debut novel that examines the long shadow of grief, the hard work of parenting, and the power of queer resistance.

©2023 Marisa Crane (P)2023 Blackstone Publishing

Critic reviews

Indie Next Recommendation

Independent Book Review Pick

Chicago Review of Books Pick

Goodreads Pick

Beautifully devastating

And devastatingly beautiful. Shadesters or No-Shads, society finds another way to other itself. Still, enclaves of those on the lowest rungs find a way to thrive and to love.

Joyful, heartbreaking, funny, and deeply poignant

This is an outstanding novel which has left an imprint on me. I hope it reaches the masses and all can learn something personal and societal from it.

Dystopian tale of facing dark times, while raising a child

Definitely more for the reader of dystopian novels than regular ones. I was curious to see what the author would do with her world where people are unfairly saddled with shadows that live with them and surveillance for minor offenses. Also deals with grief and finally moving on. Has SM practices in the sexuality of the lesbian main character. Interesting read.

WOW!

This book is so beautifully written! What an emotional rollercoaster. Definitely become one of my favorites.

An immersive inner narrative

Crane does an excellent job of creating a very intimate view of grief and resilience in queer motherhood.

Beautiful but not heavy on plot

Beautiful and nuanced work filled with emotion, just not as plot driven as I was expecting. I feel like the dystopian nature of the story was such a small focus- which is fine, but it moved at a much slower clip than I anticipated. This was much more of a inner dialogue about grief and healing. If that’s what you’re looking for, this book is a great choice.

I cannot believe this was the author’s first book!

Sometimes the most perfect thing puts itself in your path without you even knowing.
I went into this book completely blind. At some point I added it to my library, though I had no memory of it. I noticed it was leaving the Plus catalog, so I picked it for my next listen. Turns out, it was exactly what I needed right now.

I’m not sure what to say about it. What’s in my head is , Wow.
I can’t believe this was their first book. Please, please, PLEASE keep writing.

The style, the themes, the social commentary, the narration. All of it. *chef’s kiss*

This one will stay with me. I want a paper copy to dog ear and mark and defile. I want to recommend it to people. I need to sit with it a bit, and I definitely need to listen again.
Best book I’ve read in months, maybe all year.

This is why we try new things.


*Beware triggers, if you need that for your mental health. This is not an easy book. Many difficult topics are part of the story.

A must Read

Devastatingly Beautiful! The Author holds your hand as you move through grief, loss, fear, and helplessness until you can’t handle it anymore and then shows you the beauty of what people are capable of overcoming. No matter how dark things get…

As if parenting wasn’t hard enough

Parenting through loss, grief, societal pressures, complicated relationships, constant scrutiny… beautifully written and engaging, definitely recommended!

I think this should be labeled as erotica.

Great story!
But the sex stuff just seemed gratuitous. There's about ten to twenty minutes throughout of pretty graphic stuff that didn't add much to the narrative, I got the point after the first few minutes.
To be completely honest the most jarring point is when the narrator tenderly and lovingly uses the c word. I've never heard it used in anything but negative ways, and its not a gentle sounding word so that caught me off guard.
Its a deep and moving story that I'm glad I listened to and I think I actually got it!